Hello :), it has been a while since I have updated and I am sorry, I think I win the suckiest blogger award for the mont of July and maybe even August as well lol. I was not at all prepared for what moving was going to do to my life and how much it was going to take! Who would have thought that I would have accumulated so much stuff over the course of 1 year in college lol. Long story short I am officially moved into my house now and living with 6 other girls in a duplex like house and LOVE it :D. It took me a while to get adjusted just because I am not the greatest with change and switching up my routines but after a week and redoing/painting my room it's all good! The first night I actually got to stay in my room I slept better than I have in a while and really do feel like it's home, and the girls are great and it's all coming together nicely.
Weight wise where the heck am on the scale you might wonder!?!? Well last official weigh-in at Thin&Healthy I was at 188lbs so down another pound from the last time I posted at 189lbs. That probably doesn't make a ton of sense since it's been about 3wks since my last update but there were deff. some bumps along the road between then and now. I have always promised myself and others that I would be 100% real about my struggle with this and this is real right here. I did well for about 3wks on Thin&Healthy and as going strong and then moving happened and I let myself get so worked up and just didn't care for a week and a half and guess what hello 3lbs back on my butt(at least that is where it all feels like it goes lol). Anyways I was back up to 192lbs and feeling defeated yet again. But the cool part about this happening this time is I had a support system in Vicki the nutritionist at Thin&Healthy and in my best friend Heather who is now down 40lbs in 4months who told me not to give up and look at the weight I still had off and just get back up and kick it in tomorrow! I also had a little encouragement from the show "Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition". I watched an episode one night with Heather with this sweet lady on it who was over 400lbs and had a very rough child life and lost her mother. While my child life wasn't as rough as her's I did grow up with a psychologically ill mother and now have lost my relationship with her just in the last two years and that has taken a huge toll on me and was the fuel behind finding Mr. Comfort Food again a little over a year ago and still eats at me a lot.
Anyways the big thing she said that hit close to home for me was when the trainer on the show asked her "When was it you died inside and decided it was ok to get to the size your at and just give up on you?" She had to think for a moment but she remembered that moment. When he said that it was like he was asking me, "When did you Kassandra give up and die a little on the inside and decide you weren't worth it enough to stay at your goal of 135-140 after you worked SO hard to get there??" It was SERIOUSLY like a light bulb went off in my head and I can SO remember that moment, after going through a rough 3months with the issues with my mom, going through two awful relationships and all this during my freshman year of college I died a little, and decided I was just too much of a wreck to care or matter, and I shut off on the inside. Quit working out, quit the positive self talk on the inside, quit feeling confident, and worst of all quit believing in myself and using discipline but yet let myself give into the bad desires and just go with it. I just stopped caring about me and it's hard to admit that because that is HUGE and it was something that took me over a year to discover as I lost the weight the first time, but it's true and I can say I feel better after coming that realization in my mind and realizing that HAS to change, and each day I start out I get to chose if I make that choice to care about myself and do what's right for me or to go into autopilot and just not care.
That next Monday so about 2wks ago Heather and I got up and ran at 7am and decided we were going to start caring about ourselves WAY early in the morning and it was great! That alone pumped me up and got me fired up to care about myself in EVERY choice I made and that meant physical and food choices as well. I got right back on plan for Thin&Healthy and also counted my calories too. While at Thin&Healthy they don't make it's just something probably for the rest of my life I should and like to do, there is just something mental for me to see on the paper what I have eaten or I guess on MyFitnessPal.com lol. I can so lie to myself too easily on my calories so this is perfect! I have been doing Zumba/Swimming/Spinning in Cycling class and running these last two weeks and loving it as well as weights every other day and now down to 188 at my last weigh-in but I go in tomorrow for another one and REALLY hope it's down more! I am also accepting how big of a task this is 50lbs IS NOT SMALL and IS NOT EASY, this is going to be a lot to get off, but I can do it, and slow and steady wins the race. I am doing this to have it off forever so this is what it takes! I ran 3miles tonight for my "last chance workout" in hopes that I see great results tomorrow even just 2lbs I will be thrilled for this week, each one knowing it's getting closer to goal!
That's it for me tonight but I will be on tomorrow with an update on weight and some other cool things, , thanks to you who still read this and support my blogging even when it's not always on time, I am working on that! Have a great night!
~Kassandra