My Workout Routine

So I am back after a very long and relaxing weekend which was nice, until today hit and I can say I am getting a little bored lol. I mean don't get me wrong I am so glad to be on break, but I am  realizing I am deff. one of those people who likes to be moving constantly and having something to do, even if I complain about it haha :). I like to be busy I guess and today I had NOTHING I HAD to do which is a weird feeling for sure. I am looking SO forward to going to the gym for spin just because I will have to be occupied for an hour doing something haha!

I decided today would be a day to post about my workouts and what exactly I do and have done to get to where I am at. When I asked if anyone had questions this seemed to be the number one lol, and it makes sense because it was a HUGE component in how I lost the weight. For me it was always years and years of "dieting" and never wanting to accept the fact I needed to work out and eat healthy to lose weight, I never wanted to feel the pain of working out. Speaking of pain I saw a great quote on someone's facebook status and it is totally going to be one of my favorites from here on out, "Pain is temporary, but quitting lasts forever" - Lance Armstrong. I have deff. liked Lance before now but now I have even MORE respect for him after getting into spin and cycling myself, what he does and has done is pretty amazing! I thought this quote was so amazing and deff. something I try and remind myself, the pain lasts for just a little bit of time and once you break through it, it feels amazing but quitting does last forever and results in nothing. I deff. think this will be one of those quotes I will keep around for years to remind me to stay with anything in life that is tough :o).

So on to the workouts :). I think I have mentioned before that when I first started I could do hardly anything at the Y. After months and months of begging from a sweet neighbor of mine to go to the Y with her I finally gave in and went and took a strength training class with her, I still take that same one now every Saturday morning. I took that class at over 300lbs and felt SO out of place at first and kind of just wanted to leave. But with the encouragement on my neighbor I just pushed through the 45mins grunting and groaning the whole way lol. After the class my neighbor wanted to get some cardio in and so she convinced me to get on a elliptical for a little while. Mind you I had never done this before and before this walking was about as advanced as I got exercise wise lol. I did it and honestly could only do it for 5 minutes before I was SO out of breath and tired. I decided 5 mins was going to have to be all, and that I did the best I could and I just needed to be happy with that and move on. I can't lie and say I wasn't really depressed as I got off and saw how little I could do and just how far I had to come, but again it goes back to that saying, that feeling of defeat I had was SO temporary but quitting would have lasted forever and I never would have been where I am today.

After that day I worked hard on getting a membership to the Y. A good friend of ours is on the board and she helped the process go a little quicker and she got our family a membership within a week. I was so thankful for her and her encouragement. I decided that first off I needed to get help because with no one with me at the gym I had NO clue how to even begin to get a decent workout, and also not injure myself. So many people have commented on the fact that I haven't hurt myself along the way which is impressive because I know sometimes I didn't always do the smartest things haha. Anyways the Y put with me a really sweet college aged girl who was a senior at the same college I go to now, and she became my trainer :o).

Here is Tricia and I before my Senior Prom back in April.

I know not everyone can get or wants a trainer but God really provided a way for me to get one. With the size of my family/ position my mom is in being single and what not, they had a scholarship program that gave me 70% off training sessions. It was so neat because that same friend I mentioned helped me get this program and I was really happy, and felt that it was totally a huge blessing because otherwise I would not have been able to afford it at all. I started working with Tricia in the summer in August of 2008. We started off slowly, as she set my weights and we worked on this circuit of machines called Cybex machines. I am sure most other workout places have them too, but its like a circle of 12 or 13 machines that you do in order that works all different parts of your body. They are great to start out with because rather than free weights they are more controlled and easier when you are a beginner at working out lol. Again this is where having Tricia was good, because she knew when to increase and decrease my weights so that I would get a good workout, but it would not push me to get hurt. It was also neat to have her track my progress as I could increase my weights, and the positions on the machines. One of the neatest experiences for me was this one leg machine, that works your upper thighs. When I first started doing it I could barely fit into the machine, I had to keep it on the biggest settling to fit my thighs in. By the time April rolled around I could keep it on almost the lowest smallest setting which was so cool! Tricia and I worked them from August to April before she moved and we worked usually 2 to 3 times a week. It was neat because not only was she my trainer but she became a good friend and mentor as well.

Once Tricia left I was a little nervous because I was like "What do I do now, with NO Tricia?!?". I knew I could handle the cardio but the weights stuff scared me. TO be honest the other trainers were a little intimidating because they we all guys and so I was a tad nervous to work with them, because with Tricia it was so comfortable because she was a girl and my friend and understood all the emotional crap that goes with us girls and changing our lives lol. I decided that maybe I would just skip a trainer for a while and do it on my own. I did that for about a month and a half and decided that yes I had hit the 100lbs down mark and I was almost out of the 200's, but I REALLY needed someone to push me to get that next 70lbs off to my goal. It was so hard sometimes having SO much to lose because here I felt wow 100lbs gone that's great, but WAIT..you still have a LONG way to go. Again back to the saying that pain, so temporary, quitting then would have been SO easy but I am SO glad I didn't. I decided one day in June sitting at work I was going to get another trainer even if it meant stepping out of the box with a guy, and let me say I am SO glad I did! I ended up getting put with a guy names Ryan who again went to the same college I did was a med student and a senior. He also was in the Air Force before college and was in incredible shape, and was NOT hard on the eyes at all haha! I just decided if I REALLY wanted to hit goal and make it, I was not going to let my fear of working with a guy scare me, he knew what to and was the best at it and that was all that mattered. We started working and he was GREAT. Totally took away all my fears of working with a guy, he was totally comfortable  to work with and even pretty talkative lol. He made it fun and let's just say kicked my butt like NO other!

As great as Tricia was and our relationship was awesome, sometimes we got too caught up in girl talk and being friends that I think I sweet talked her and she forgot to push me as hard haha. With Ryan there was no bull crap allowed, he would say stop the sweet talk and just do what I told you lol. I will be the first to admit I can talk my way through anything lol, I mean I am Greek and we have big mouths and love to talk, so my defense thing is always talk your way out. When I would complain it was "Shut up, don't want to hear it and I KNOW you can do it, so do it!". As hard as that was to swallow sometimes it was what I needed to hear and it got me motivated. I will never forget one of the first workouts I had with him. See with Tricia like I said we typically did the same things and really focused on weights and machines, Ryan had a WHOLE different style. Having that Air Force/military background he was into the more grunt kind of workouts. I go into the normal gym like I always did with Tricia and he says, NOPE we are outside today! I was like uhhhh....what lol??? Seeing as though it's July and like 90 degrees and smart me wears all black, this really sucked haha. I go out and all I see is HUGE tires, a HUGE rope and a stand that looks like they use in the circus. I am started to feel sick now as he tells me what I am to do. First I get to flip 100 and 125lb tires back and forth this field in the back of the Y. After that I get to pull the tire with this huge rope, and then when I complained he threatened to sit on it HA! I would keep repeating I couldn't and he would yell, and guess what I could :o). After all this he had me do this thing that still makes my stomach sick at the thought but he made me start at one end of the field, and I would do 1 push up, then run down to the other end and do 10 flutter kicks( when your on your back hand underneath you and just your legs move up and down like your kicking in the water, REALLY works your lower abs!). Then I would run back and do 2 push-ups then run back, and do 20 flutter kicks, all the way until I did 10 push ups and 100 flutter kicks so all in all I ended up doing something like 80 push ups and over 600 flutter kicks! Once I got done with this workout I wanted to puke, cry and scream all at once haha, thank the Lord he went inside to get water as I talked myself out of bawling haha!

I then continued to work with Ryan until he had to leave for the Air Force this past Sept. He might be coming back sometime in Jan. but with his schedule he has no for idea yet. All I know is I am SO glad I got the guts to work with him because he toned and burned me so HARD that I changed in like 3 months to a new person. It was  like I became sculpted not just lost weight it was deff. a huge moment in my journey and I am So thankful for it! I will also never forget when he made me do so many push-ups/ jump up things called "burpies" on this hard pleated floor at the Y that my hands had blisters and broke open and bled and were all nasty and opened for weeks, I won't lie though, having those war wounds was kind of fun to show off lol :o). Since Ryan has left I have not had another trainer, seeing as though many at that time left the Y at the same time Ryan did. I did though pick up spin class the week he left, after he advised me too and that has been my trainer the last three months. It was perfect timing seeing as though I needed that extra push at that time and the class deff. stepped in and did that for me. I am now going to start again working with trainer named Eric, here next week since he has more time in his schedule. I figured I really need someone to help me with the end sculpting part and getting as toned as possible. It's obvious I have the cardio down but the weights are just something you need someone else there for, or at least for me I do. I also think just having that accountability and support these last pounds will be good, plus I have known him forever and I think it will be good.

Ok so last but not least what do I typically do at the gym now??? Well my favorite things are the stair stepper and the treadmill. I HATED, let me repeat HATED to run before I worked with Ryan. The only time I ran was if  bear chased after me or someone with a gun haha (not that, that has happened). I always said, NOPE not gonna run now or ever, I can't run I suck at it. Well see with Tricia I sweet talked her into letting me always do the elliptical or stair master, well NOT with Ryan lol, his exact words were "Yes, you will run with me and yes, you will learn to like it and get better at it!". So that I did, even if he only had me do it for 5mins before he really kicked my butt lol, he always made me run and increase my speed, slowly. Let's just say I used to keep it at about 5.4 and want to die lol, now since July I am up to 8.0 and LOVE it! You don't realize how great those runner's high feelings are until you do it, but it's great and such a great release of bad energy and stress! I also love the stair master before in like 30mins I can burn 400 calories and it is great for your butt and thighs haha! I love it too because not many people like it do it's usually always free :). So for now on days I don't have spin I usually do 30mins on the treadmill for about 300 calories and then 30mins on the stair stepper for about 300 calories too. I know they tell you not to pay a ton of attention to the calories and I really don't but I do like to burn like at least 600 because that is half of the 1200 I eat a day, so I sure it's all a mental thing but hey it's working so far haha :o). On days I don't do this I go to spin class for at least an hour sometimes 1hr and 10 or 20 mins, depends how much eariler I get there. The classes are one hour but if you get there early you can spin a little before class starts. I do now to push it a bit go for about 15mins before class and run on the treadmill and burn 200 or so calories and just get a good warm-up and really try and build up my speed and what not on the treadmill. It is deff. true how it takes like 4 months to build up your strength and endurance while running but then only like 2 wks to lose it all! Well I hope this covers most of what I do in the gym, Oh and I do, do some of those Cybex machines after I workout like every other day, because back to back muscle training has the reverse affect because your muscles don't have time to repair. I also take a 45min butt kicking strength training class (of which I am SO sore from this past Saturday's haha) every Saturday that is GREAT, the lady who teaches it might look better than Jillian Michael's lol! I am off to get ready to head to the Y now for a run and spin class with a friend of mine who is in town from college! Hope you all had a wonderful Monday! Until tomorrow!!

~Kassey

Merry Christmas!

Well first off, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas as much as I am and having a blast with family and friends :o). I am sorry I did not post yesterday but I figured everyone else was in the same boat I was, LAST MINUTE everything lol! I had to run to the YMCA and sneak in a quick workout before they closed at 1pm, that was hilarious watching everyone run around before the clock struck 1pm haha! Then after that my mom and I made a mad dash around town to do the final shopping. We went from Best Buy, to the Mall, then to Target and felt like we were going 100 miles an hour lol! Straight after that it was time to slam down dinner, then head to our church for the amazing Candle Light Christmas Eve service they do each year, LOVE it! It is always a packed house, which I love then at the end of the service they turn off all lights, and it is all by candle light, talk about beautiful. I feel Christmas just isn't complete until we focus on the REAL reason for the holiday, Jesus :o).

And of course just for fun today was my weigh-in day! I think this was some silly trick to keep me on track, because so far this year my weigh-in days have landed on Thanksgiving AND Christmas haha, no room for cheating on mashed potatoes and Christmas cookies!! I am happy to say I did loose another pound this week, despite all the stress I have been though which is amazing lol! I was just hoping my body wasn't going to freak out and gain, but it didn't, it still pulled through! I deff. will take that 1lb and run with it, literally haha, because at this time in my journey, and with the hormones this week and the stress of losing my grandfather, 1lb is splendid and 1lb closer to my goal of 130 :o). I can officially say I am 147 and 17lbs from my goal! So Merry Christmas to me, with a 1lb loss lol! I will have to say despite all the AMAZING things I got for Christmas the best gift this year is being able to sit here 162lbs smaller than last Christmas and probably gaining at least another 10 or 20 years on my life. As I sat by the tree watching my family open their presents I couldn't not happen to think about that girl who sat by the tree last year, scared and miserable (because at this point it was about 2wks of no "fatty foods" so I was getting a little tired of it all lol). I knew last Christmas I was gonna do this and it was the real changing point, but NEVER would I have dreamed what this Christmas would hold and be :o), but I am SO thankful for it and for all I have been provided with!

As far as the other things, like the presents I am pretty happy! Here are a few things I got I must share!:

The BEST book of all time I have waited and waited for! If you have never looked at her website or books you MUST check them out, they have changed my cooking/eating forever and I am hard to change haha!

Ok so this might be every college kid's dream right here and I never knew it existed until yesterday at Best Buy!! So it is this pen, that is like an ipod literally, it has a camera on it, a recorder and a censor. This nice little video will explain it way better than me haha http://www.livescribe.com/smartpen/videos.html . Basically you don't your PC or computer anymore to take these notes, you take them and it records everything that is being said( deff. learned that is amazing considering some professors talk at like 10 million miles an hour haha!) and the best part is, it remembers when you tap what you wrote, what was being said at that exact time! You can also upload them to any PC, send them to friends, post them on Facebook and store them forever :o). It has a calculator that automatically does things on it, it also has a translator in any language! I guess on review said it is like a computer in a pen, SO crazy cool lol! I saw it yesterday and my mom and I freaked out, and so I kind of knew I was getting it lol, but it is SO awesome and will be SO useful the next 3 and a half years and more!

Then my next favorite thing are my new amazing Nike Flow headphones and arm band to be all official now at the Y lol :o)! I know you don't NEED an armband (but trust me you can only stuff an Ipod touch so many places haha!) but it will be SO nice now that I am really into running and also for spin :o). I also really love these headphones because they stay on with tons of a movement and also sweat resistant, which I deff. need haha!

And of course all the other fun stuff, like the amazing Martha Stewart cooking school book :o), my mom's best friend bought me that and she deff. knows me well lol! Amazing slipper boots I have been eying at Old Navy, Victoria's Secret and all it's fun :o) deff. cannot wait for the Semi-Annual sale! And you can't forget all the fun stocking stuffers, which is funny because my stocking was sure different this year haha, no candy but yet toothbrushes and soaps and sugar free haha :o). And on top of all this I got some amazing gift cards that will make tomorrow's After Christmas Shopping that much better :o)!

This year I really couldn't be more grateful, and feel blessed with all God has given me. Even though deaths, divorce and heart ache God has been there for my family and I, and He has helped me achieve incredible things! If you would have asked me this time last year at Christmas "Kassey, can you believe next Christmas you will be 147lbs and light than you were at age 12??" I would have laughed and said you were nuts haha, but I am SO glad I am and so thankful for my family and friends who helped along the way this year :o).

Well I am off to relax and then of course start making Christmas lunch, and get out the billions of goodies I made last night out for the family, and enjoy this wonderful day! Hope you all do as well and have a blessed Christmas :o).

~Kassandra

Luke 2:9-12

And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. (10) And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. (11) For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. (12) And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”

Every girl needs that "little black dress".....

First off thank you all so much for your encouraging posts about my grandfather, that means SO much to me! Last night was the viewing and this morning was the funeral, and as I am sure you can all imagine it was very emotionally draining and tiring. For me I believe from last Friday up until last night I was going on shear adrenaline and hadn't even really come to grips to what had happened in my life, and realized what I had lost. My grandfather has been battling with being ill for over eight years, but by the grace of God he always bounced back, so in mind this time seemed no different, it was like he was going to be fine and get over it just like he always had. I think too that even though I knew he was sick and leaving this earth soon, it was not any easier to finally say good-bye. And what I believe is so hard for me is this was not like losing just your typical grandfather, I lost a dad. If you have read my previous posts you will see that my dad is no longer in the picture at all with my family and my grandfather moved in with us and basically filled that role my dad left. He also not only emotionally supported up but financially helped my mom with my siblings and I and made so many things possible. He was amazing, and it's just hitting me today he is not coming back and he is really gone....forever. It worries me because today it seems like how can life go on without him, and what will we do. I have been battling with that all day and very worried, but then this little tug inside me says Kassey, trust in me, the Lord. I know He is there and he is now my earthly and heavenly father but it is hard, and at a time like this the devil is just waiting to snatch me and fill me with doubt so it will be a struggle I am sure for sometime, so prayers are deff. appreciated in that area :).

Even though yesterday was a hard day with everything going on, grade from this semester did come out and guess what...first semester as a college student.....ALL A's and B's YAY! That was a huge bright spot in my day and made me SO happy! I am so glad I worked hard and my work paid off and a whole semester is under my belt and done, even with all the stress of these last 3 months or so.

The reason for my title and picture above is a little story I thought I would share about that "little black dress". As soon as I knew the funeral and what not was coming I knew I had to figure out what to wear. It stinks but you do have to plan that out with funerals and it has to be something nice, and it was deff. not an outfit you wanted to plan and buy but you knew you had to. I of course with going through such a HUGE body change don't have a ton of clothes, because as soon as I buy something it doesn't fit in 2 wks lol. I finally got so sick of buying a pair of jeans every 3wks and wasting money, while it is a great problem to have lol, it is not so fun where your wallet is concerned haha. Anyways I knew I had nothing to wear so I would have to find something. It was also a little important because we were the closest to my grandfather with him living with us and also most of these people I would see had not seen me in years some up to 6 years. Most had not seen me since my weight loss so I knew it was important to look decent. Well I went to one of my FAVORITE stores ever, TJ Maxx, LOVE that place! It is time consuming to find the bargains but they are there and SO worth it! Like I mentioned though I wasn't thrilled to be buying something for a sad occascion like this but I knew my Papou(gpa in Greek) would want me to feel and look nice and it was what I had to do.

I had also not done too much dress shopping since loosing weight so I had no idea size wise where to start. Well I kind of eye balled it and I saw this SUPER cute dress that I loved and I grabbed it. It was a dress I had always dreamed of wearing, pretty, elegant, business like and in a normal size lol. I have always loved the high waisted belted look, but when your SO round you have no waist you tend to shy away from that look lol. So even though it has been in for some time now I stayed way away from it. I have always wanted to wear it though, so when I saw this dress I knew it would be awesome. I tried it on and it fit great and here is the best deal of ALL.....it was $7.00!!! Mind you it was originally 50 so that is a 43 dollar mark down lol! I can barely get a shirt at Wal-mart for that lol! I was so happy and loved it as much as I loved the price so I bought it. And it was deff. the most perfect fit for the occasion! My mom's side of the family is 100% Greek by the way, hence how I have mentioned Papou( gpa in Greek, what we always called my grandfather). His parents were actually immigrants from Greece, which I think is AMAZING! I love being Greek and love the heritage and awesome things it brings. Let's just say my mom's family is just like watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and living it too haha! Her cousins and 3 brothers make almost a Greek mafia lol! Anyways there are a lot of them and they are very full of emotion so seeing them after the weight loss was pretty nuts, some had no idea who I even was. My mom's cousin who is like an uncle to me had not seen me in 6 years and he just kept staring and staring and asking who that was then finally he realized and about lost it lol! He remembered the chubby almost 13 so this almost 19 year old now freaked him out lol! I got so many amazing compliments and hugs and kisses(Greeks are super touchy feely haha) and it was great. As hard as it was to see each other in these circumstances it was neat in the end, and I know Papou was happy to see us all together all 9,000 of us it seemed lol! I am not sure how some of our non-Greek church family and friends thought of it all lol, but they deff. felt the Greek love around haha :o).

My final point I guess is, that dress was like a little present to make this whole situation a little better. It was like that was a special surprise that made it ok, and I know Papou would have been proud, and he always told me how beautiful I was and how "sharp looking" as he would say I was when I would get dressed up, so I was just glad I could make him proud. I still can't say enough how great it was to have him be able to see my weight loss and watch me shrink and encouraging me along the way! It's like when your in charge of your health things in life seem so much easier to handle, because you know you are doing the best you can with what you are given. There are also little rewards along the way that make all the blood, sweat, and tears worth it for sure! Well that is it for today, I am planning on doing an answer post tomorrow for Christmas Eve on some of the questions you guys posted, so I have not forgot lol :). Feel free before tomorrow to send me anymore that you can think of! Enjoy the last minute shopping and get togethers before Christmas and don't eat to many cookies, and remember "Seconds on your lips forever on your hips haha!" :o).

~Kassandra

"Old Me" vs. "New Me" Monday's: Dealing with Stress

First off thank you all SO much for your sweet comments on my last post, that was SO SO SO sweet! They all meant a ton and made what I was going through a little bit better for sure! Friday night my grandfather did go home to be with the Lord at about 7:20pm, with my mom, uncle, my brother and I all around him. I ended up going back up to the hospital with my brother Kameron around 6:00 and we got there and he was barely hanging on. He could still hear they said because that is the last thing to go. So we talked to him and rubbed his hands and he knew we were there. We then all talked for a while and ate some dinner I had brought up for my mom who had been there all day. About and hour after getting there, it was like he knew we had all seen him, we were all around him, and all at peace and it was time to go, and so he did. It was an amazing thing because for once after being so sick these last couple years, he was peaceful and quiet and best of all in heaven with his sweet wife and family. As hard as it is for us, it did give us relief that he is no longer suffering, but instead this year getting to spend Christmas with his wife and family and best of all Jesus :o). The funeral is going to be Wed. and then the viewing is tomorrow. All of our family is coming in town today and tomorrow so it will be a long couple of days, but we are going to try to make it through and at least we are all hear from the holidays now, maybe that was some secret gift my grandfather gave us :o).

So now for the new me vs. the old me thing, I figured focusing on how I now deal with stress is a good one for this week since there has been plenty of it around lol. It was tough because I went from finals which was SUPER stressful, to then trying to get ready for Christmas and then my grandfather passing away, so it was deff. a trying week for me. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention about my weigh-in this week. With all that went on it kind of changed my schedule so I weighed-in on Saturday. I did have a goal this week and it was to stay the same. The reason being is this was that wonderful, glorious week of the month were I have no control of my body, that great gift from nature haha. Last month I gained a little over a pound so this month I was just praying I would stay the same because even though I know the reasons why I gained, mentally it still messes with my mind making me think I did something wrong. Well I got on the scale and my wish was granted lol 148 still, and not an ounce or a pound bigger than last week :o). I knew I had worked hard this week, but with all the stress and lack of sleep I didn't know how it would all work because that has affected me a lot in the past.

The pictures above deff. describe the "old me" vs. the "new me" when stress came around. I was not over weight because I liked to eat or because I just loved food. I mean yes, I liked the tastes of certain things, but I made it into my comfort and my emotional help whenever I needed it. The worse one would deff. have to be fast food though, I think it is every unhealthy person's worst nightmare, because it is quick, easy, usually cheap and good and greasy lol. Everyday after school when I had a stressful day, McDonald's was right there waiting for me, or Taco Bell or whatever. I could always go through and know in about 10 minutes the stressful feelings would be gone with a feeling of fullness. Didn't matter what I was eating but it just mattered i got the "full" feeling, and away from the emotions of stress! I remember sometimes not even feeling what I was eating or tasting it, because I was just doing it for the feelings and to be numb. I never wanted/knew how to deal with those feelings so by just numbing them I didn't have to feel them ya know? I know not everyone is as into the fast food as I was, but yet maybe just eating other things for comfort, I deff. think we all have our comfort foods if we really look lol. It has been strange this time around with my grandfather passing away, than it was when my grandmother did, who I was just as close too, because this time I have had to deal with emotions and the rawness of losing someone. With my grandmother I don't if I ever dealt with it fully, because food was there through it all. I actually was only about 200lbs when my grandmother died in 2003 but then that is when the weight gain burst. In about 7 years I put on 100lbs and a lot was to due with her passing. When she passes away that meant I lost someone who was like a second mom to me, it was the first time I had to deal with death in my life, and not to mention it was WAY unexpected and happened out of no where. She was perfectly healthy and only 73 and was doing everything, but an unexpected aneurysm got her and we had no idea it was coming. I remember during and after the funeral food played a major role in my life and helped me balloon up to my biggest weight ever. I even remember having a conversation with my doctor about 4 years ago asking me what was going on, and then him and my mom looked at my records and saw the correlation between when she died and my weight gain. It was like I was overload and once I started hiding my emotions and feelings I couldn't stop, and it continue for 5 years after she passed.

This time though I am SO happy to say I am dealing with it SO much better. Yes, while it is SUPER hard to handle and process, I am dealing with it the healthy way this time. Don't get me wrong there have been a few times this week where I would like to go back and find my old "comfort friends" in a nice pizza, or a cheeseburger or a piece of cheesecake, but what good is that stuff gonna do me? Is a pizza from my favorite place gonna bring my grandfather back, is it going to make things seem less painful in the long wrong, is it going to make him more proud of me....NO! It will surely make my butt bigger and my heart heavier because I wouldn't have been dealing things the right way. I probably didn't know as much at the time when I started really turning to food after my grandmother died because I was only 12 but now I do, and I know that once you start hiding you feelings it takes SO long to go back and work through those. I know instead of pull through a drive-thru, I got and pull through the gym. I did not go Friday and Saturday due to all that was going on but I knew that I was getting in a bad place mentally and was really feeling the stress, so even though there was church yesterday and I was exhausted from it all, I HAD to make time to go to the gym. It is strange these days but I can always tell when I haven't been to the gym for a few days and it is like my body needs that reprieve and help and it feels SO much better when I go. I did finally get it together to go yesterday around 3 in the afternoon and I ran on the treadmill for 30mins then did 30mins on the stair stepper and just blasted my music and really pushed it. I CANNOT tell you how much better I felt mentally, and emotionally after a good workout. It is nice because you can just shut off the thoughts and just push yourself and really put yourself in a better mental state. I know we have all studied the endorphins things in health but you don't realize just how much they help put you in a better mood until you let them work. I walked out of them knowing not only did I burn the calories I needed to for the day, but that I felt SO much better after that and the world seemed a little brighter.

I am by no means saying working out solves all my problems lol, cause it totally doesn't, but there is something to be said about how it changes your mood and outlook on life. It just makes things so much easier to deal with, because your body needs the attention, so then it can help focus your mind. I think in America we like to give our stomachs a lot of attention and minds, but forget that to make it all work together our body needs it too. Whether you are over weight or not, everyone needs that exercise and daily release to really feel good. It's so funny how great you feel when you start doing all the things those silly health books tell you too lol. It's amazing but they have had the right answers all these years :o), and that is all I am doing just doing what I knew was true all along. Another great thing is that cheeseburger comforted me and then left a nice lump of cellulite in my thigh, working out comforts me and leaves a nice muscle in my arm :o).

Well I am off to start the day and prepare for this week. I hope everyone is doing well and is getting ready for Christmas :o). I thought tomorrow's post could be answering any questions that you might have. I have two already to answer from an email and someone's comment, but if there is anything you are dieing to ask me about my diet, my change mentally, working out or whatever I am TOTALLY open to them! I know I try to cover everything in my story but also know I forget a lot, and it probably looks strange when you see someone lose 161lbs in a year but you don't know all the details lol. So feel free and I will do a post on questions and answering tomorrow, and you can email me them too if you don't want to post them on here :o). Have a great Monday!

~Kassandra

How Do You Say Goodbye???

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

 

First off I am sorry for the delay in updating my blog. My week was going well up until yesterday evening. I did praise the Lord get all my finals done and did well on them all, my last one was yesterday at 12:00pm. After finals I relaxed and went home and then had a fun evening with friends of mine who came in town and are back from college for Christmas Break. Anyways I got home after going out with friends and my mom told my grandfather who has been ill for the last month was not doing well. A little back round on him is, he lives with us first off, he came to live with us a little over six years ago when my grandmother passed away unexpectedly. He had been battling congestive heart failure and diabetes and other things for a couple years so we knew with his wife he would not be able to take care of himself on his own. Long story short he came to move in with us, knowing be around me and my 7 siblings would be the best medicine for him. We thought he would live a year or two with us because his health was so bad, but he ended up getting stronger and stronger and fighting through. He became a part of our immediately family and was like he was always there. We were always super close before he moved in but now he became like a father to us. As I have mentioned my dad has never been a good father to us kids, so God most deff. put my grandfather in to fill the hole. My youngest brother was actually only 6 months when he came to live with us, so Konnor has grown up knowing him as a father to him.

About a month ago his heart began to act up and everything was going south so he was taken to the hospital right after Thanksgiving. It never looked really good the whole time he was in and they tried multiple things. Usually when he would go in they could fix him and make it better, with the amazing medicine and work of the doctor's and of course our almighty God. This time though it seemed different, we all had this feeling it wasn't going to be good. It was as if he hit the final chance and there were no more. This last week he has been slowly going down hill and last night it became really bad seeing as though his kidney's decided to stop working. We got the call around 11:30pm to come immediately to the hospital since he blood pressure was tanking and the kidney's were going. My mom and I rushed down and got there and ended up staying the night with him as they moved him to ICU. They moved him there and gave him Morphine for the intense muscle spasms he was having due to the dehydration from the kidney's. As a family we decided the vent was not necessary because it would be prolonging the inevitable, and we wanted him to be comfortable and that his almost 90 year old body has had enough. It was tough though because mentally he is all with it and does not want to give up at all. He could hear all we said and respond and hold our hands and try to talk. It was so hard and was such a helpless feeling looking at him knowing we could do nothing, and neither could the doctor's.

The reason he wants to fight so hard is because he knows he is the rock to our family. With my dad leaving the family my grandfather stepped in emotionally and of course financially helped and worried a lot about my mom and us kids. She was the 1 girl with three brothers so she was always the special "daddy's girl" and he has done all he can to be there for her all her life, and the same to us grandkids. He would give up his last penny or the shirt off his back for us, and that means so much when your own father is not willing to do that. We never understood why God took my grandmother first because she was the healthy, vibrant strong one while he was the sick older one, but now we see God knew what my dad was going to do, and he know my grandfather needed to be there to step in and take his place. God could not of blessed us with a better more caring man and I am so thankful! I am thankful too for those extra years we never thought we would get with him as well.

Another neat thing was, last Friday the day of my anniversary I got to up by myself, because my mom had a stomach bug, and I got to visit him and talk to him on the day I lost 161lbs officially and he was SO proud of me and over the moon. He told all his doctors and nurses and our family that was there and hugged and kissed me. The neatest thing was the day I started my "weight loss journey" was inevitable the same day him and my grandmother were married, so there anniversary and I had no idea about that the day I picked Dec. 11th, so I believe that was God's doing for sure. They always loved me and worried about my weight and I SO SO SO thankful he got to see me make it close to my goal and to see me change my life around, and now know he doe not have to worry about me anymore and that I am healthy! You don't realize how precious your own health is until you watch someone else's be stripped away from them like his today. It made me so thankful I am doing all I can to cherish this awesome body and chance God has given me on this earth and that I cannot waste another day.

As of now they have him just on a slow dose of Morphine to keep the pain down and wait until his body gives out. I am hoping after dinner to go up again with my brother and be there for my mom and him as long as he makes it that long. It is just so tough having this happen a week before Christmas as well. We are not sure how we are going to make it without him with him being such a vital part of our lives, but I am trusting God though it all and I know he will open countless doors and gives us strength for the coming days. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated that he continues to stay comfortable and goes soon so there is no more suffering. I will always thank him for being the best Papou(grandfather in Greek since my family is Greek) and not only that but the best father figure who loved me no matter what and gave up everything for me! He will be greatly missed for sure, but the time we had was so precious, it's in God's hand now....

My sweet Papou and I the night I went to prom this year for the first time after I lost 70lbs, praise the Lord he got to be there for this!

~Kassandra

Wishful Wed.!

So today is Wishful Wednesday at The Seattle Smith's blog and I am very excited for this one! This week's topic is 'I wish' .... I could relive one particular holiday experience over and over again, and it would be sneaking down with my brother Kameron (who is 17 months younger than me) at like 4am to "pre-look" at all the awesome gifts and maybe peak in at one or two and shake them all :o).

So this picture is deff. perfect because this was totally my brother and I lol! We probably did this each year from the time we were about 3 or I was 3 lol, I was a pretty clever sneaky child, I know imagine that lol! Anyways I would tell him before we went to sleep, "Ok Kameron, I will wake up a couple hours before everyone else does and get you up and we can sneak down and check everything out!". As I got older I even learned to set watch alarms to wake me up but still be quiet to let everyone else sleep haha! Nothing is like that feeling tought when you see the presents under the tree for the first time, when you know when you went to bed you left it empty, it is pure joy and bliss! We of course would then tough most of them, push on them and figure which was a barbie or baby doll haha, rip a few corners and ruin a few gifts too lol. My mom always some how saw those ripped corners too once morning came along haha! I was just talkig to the lady I babysit for about this and it was like that magical feeling all came back when I thought about the experience, it was just SO neat and fun! I kind of hate that, that magic is gone, but...it is great having tons of little siblings still who I get to re-live it all through too, that is one of the best parts! Not that presents are the main part because Baby Jesus is of course, but the magically feelings kids get is super special too!

Well I got another final done today and did well, and I have one more for tomorrow and it doesn't look like Friday's is going to be a have too anymore which is GREAT! I am  off now to babysit and then spin class, and a study session with a friend :o). Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wed.!

~Kassandra

Crunching away the Pounds!

So if anyone who has heard about my weight loss success and wondered if I had a "secret" or a "secret weapon" I may be revealing it today lol! Nope, it is a not a pill, or a awesome protein powder or bar with magical powers lol, but yet...CHEX MIX! I know who would have thought right??? I don't know what and and why and how I chose this little secret but this stuff is my bff lol! I think one day I was doing my search at the store for some new alternatives that are low and calorie and can switch things up a bit, I am sure when I do this and pick up like 12 things in each isle and scan the labels it bigs the crap out of people lol, but hey ya gotta do what ya gotta do! So I looked at this because never really being that into Chex Mix before I thought maybe this might be nice, and also the 60% lower fat than chips on the front attracted me too of course lol, who doesn't love some reduced fat and low calorie. Well when I discovered you can have half a cup for 120 cals. and like 3 grams of fat I was pretty happy, and I LOVE cheese so knowing it was Cheddar flavor too was just the icing on the cake for me haha :o). I decided I would grab a bag and try it, and guess what I LOVED it and ate it with EVERYTHING lol! I am sure 1/2 cup doesn't sound like a ton but it is, and I do something special with this that may sound completely dumb to most but for me it works haha, its all a mind and visual thing. Since I pack my lunch a lot with being in college and being on the go I often stick my Chex Mix in a small snack or sandwich baggy depending on which we have. Well when I put it in the baggy and it eat from the baggy it feels like more and some how tastes better haha. I think there have been studies shown that we like to eat out of the bag rather than a measure portion in a bowl, so maybe that is it lol, who knows!

So I continued to buy this great flavorful stuff and even ventured to try the Sour Cream and Chive kind and LOVED that too, and now my favorite thing is, 1/4 cup of the Cheddar and 1/4 of the Sour Cream in a baggy and that makes for even more flavor haha! I love to eat this with my tuna melt wraps, or with a sandwich or with a little homemade pizza on a pita flat bread thing, or just about anything. For me I have always loved potato chips and having that extra crunch and something to go with a sandwich and lunch so this stuff was perfect for me and it also taught me to measure, measure, measure lol! I know that with this kind of thing it is tempting to eat the whole bag but I learned with measuring it and eating it from the baggy I really enjoyed it more and it was pretty good. I think it is also good to have something like this when trying to change your habits. I mean sure should I probably have a baggy full or carrots and celery and would it be the "healthier" thing of course, but I cannot do without stuff forever, and this new life and journey I am on is a forever thing, so I have to find something that sticks and is permanent ya know? If it takes a 1/2 cup of Chex Mix with my lunch to make me happy and help me loose and fill the snacky craving then so be it :o). I totally encourage people to find their "Chex Mix Fix" in whatever they like instead or if they like the same thing too. It's all about doing things you can stick with, and let's just my Chex Mix is going no where soon haha. My family makes fun of how much I eat and how often lol, and my mom kind of has an issue with crunching noises so it was tough for her to get used to my constant crunching on this stuff haha! I told her "Hey at least I am crunching away the pounds and it is working haha!". I go in search now for the older labeled kind because the new look of the Cheddar for some reason now has 10 more calories lol, Go figure??? So I was at the Dollar General looking for some cheap stuff for a project and guess what they still carry...the old label kind haha, probably cause it is a dollar place haha, but o well, makes me happy :o). This picture above my mom took about 2 months ago and it cracked people up on Facebook and outed me on my Chex Mix addiction haha :o).

Well I hope your guys week is going well, mine is going ok lol, 2 finals down and 3 to go, one of which is tomorrow morning and I kind of haven't started studying a ton lol, I am such a procratsinator sometimes! I am thinking that here in the next couple posts I might do one where if you have any questions for me, I will do a post on it, if that is something that might be interesting :o). Well I am off to stop making excuses and STUDY haha!

~Kassandra