Not Your Typical, Average,Ordinary College Girl

Weigh-In Week 1 :)

2011-12-02T11:03:00.000-08:00

So today was weigh-in day for the first week of being back on track and on this new journey :). I can say I was very surprised and happy as I saw a 6lb loss for this week going from 194 to 188 in a week which was awesome! I had deff. put on some weight and Thanksgiving did not help so that is gone plus a few more so it was nice to see the work pay off! I am going to post later tonight when I have more time because I have a lot to post about but this week was a sucess. I also really loved this picture above I found online and just wanting to view each week healthfully and know that NO matter what the number says I am more than that and you are too if you too are trying to get fit :). In fact we are SO much more it's just a nice encouragement and a way we can take better care of ourselves to be better in all areas of our life. Hope everyone has a great Friday, WOOHOO for the weekend!

~Kassandra

A quick check-in!

2011-11-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

Tonight is not going to be a very exciting post but a post none the less because I want to stay consistent in my blogging and staying on track. Today marks day 5 of clean eating for me and working out, which is good! I can say it has been difficult just not letting the stress of being back in classes this week and looking to finals getting to me. I think while losing weight which I guess I have probably said this before on here, becomes like a side job or a full time one lol. I think it especially takes so much time and effort for anyone who has battled with binge eating or using food for their emotional needs. It seriously some days can be a minute by minute conscious choices to eat right, and to chose health over the comfort of food or the self bashing thoughts and such. I can say too these last couple days being back in the gym has been tough and MAN am I sore or what from strength training class, today stairs were a killer and walking in general was tough, and sitting forget about that haha, my quads hated me but it was a good sore :). Each step and sore feeling just reminded me how much I never want to have to lose the last 50lbs again. It makes me excited for the day I can say I am at my goal and stay there for life, it's hard to picture that because this has always been my battle but it is exciting none the less.

I have also just been feeling the emotions of things a lot more, especially at night. Any of you who have struggled with emotional eating even just a little bit know what I mean. I think really anyone ok's an emotional eat from time to time especially women and when hormones strike and for some reason it is ok to eat a whole box of Oreo's lol. I have just had to come face to face with feeling exhausted, or sad about certain things, lonely, or stressed and not being able to mask it with food which is tough but a good thing, and facing those emotions is never as hard as I think and I am deff. just more in tune with myself and my needs and such. For these next 5 weeks my goal is to do the gym at least 5 times a week maybe 6 times but I did take today off due to not enough time and also being so sore I could hardly move, I knew with having two hours of classes facing me tomorrow and the same strength training class, some recovery time for muscles was a good thing.

So yeah that is basically it and my thoughts for tonight, nothing profound lol, but at least something! I am going to post more on my food intake and workouts/ 5wk goal for this time around. I also quickly want to thank you guys for your sweet comments to my last post, that made my day and I am grateful for each one of the reader's of this and the support you give, it means so much and I can deff. say I missed the blogging world a lot :). Hope everyone is having a splendid week!
~Kassandra

Back to the beginning to the Present now

2011-11-28T15:31:00.000-08:00

Just in case you are new to my blog or because it's been a break since I consistently posted so I felt like I should have a recap of why I ever started this blog/where it is going now on my journey through life. Well above you can see is me, yes it is me, not my cousin or an altered image lol(I have had people ask me both of those things). That was me in April of 2008 at my heaviest weight of 309lbs. I was a 17 year old girl used food as her comfort and had known nothing other than being over weight since what felt like birth. I joke and tell people that I was born overweight because I was 10lbs 15oz but really I don't think that has anything to do with it lol. Growing up in an evironment where food became my comfort to stress from about age 5 and also where weight problems went back many generations and was an issue for my family, especially the women in my family. Weight has always been on my mind since Kindergarten when I can remember not wanting to wear a certain dress because a boy told me I looked pregnant in it, which typing those words still just break my heart because no five year old deserves to be body conscious but that is what happened at a young age and of course as a child you don't know what to do with that.

As the years went by I went from chubby and overweight to by about age 15 being obese. As more stress through life occured such as losing my grandmother and then my parents going through a nasty divorce and having an emotionally unstable environment almost 24/7 food was always there to answer when I needed it's comfort most. I never realized that is what was going on until really these last two or three years, I just thought I liked to eat a lot and didn't think much as to why, partial because of my age and also just because that was always the norm. I grew up with a mother who did the same thing and so a lot of times it was just a family thing that we did and didn't question. As I approuched my high school and stuff it became very evident I was not like the other girls my age and was missing out on so much. No boy is interested in a 309lb girl, dances, dates, going out with friends even were out of the question and my self confidence was very low. I also have 7 siblings so it was much easier just to be a home body and not think anyhthing different because I knew nothing different. I knew I wanted to lose the weight but just didn't know how to stop the food or why I was using it. I would start a diet last maybe two weeks if I was really lucky but most of the time stress crept back in and then binge eating began again (but again at that time I didn't know what a binge was or that I was even using food to numb my feelings).

Summer of 2008 as I approached my senior year I knew I wanted to make some kind of change before college and that enough was enough. I could no longer walk up stairs without being completely winded, I could barely fit in a regular sized school desk at school and was in a size 28 pants and a 3x shirt being able to only shop in Plus Size. But more than the things or this world I couldn't do I was in severe danger health wise as I was becoming pre-diabetic and also hurting my chances of fertility as my hormones were way off the charts due to my weight. Not to mention I can say some days I hated the person I was/didn't even begin to know who I was due to the weight, I was miserable trapped in a fat suit of who I could fully be. I know I am still the same girl but the real me could never come out due to the layers of fat and pain behind each one. I decided that summer I needed to change but just wasn't quite ready to fully commit for a few months. I started training with a personal trainer but just couldn't quite get the eating part down, so after about 3 months of no real progress Tricia sat me down and told me I needed to chose if I was going to 100% commit to this or she was no longer going to train me because I wasn't ready. It deff. hurt my feelings a lot at the time and I was angry but it was the best thing she could have said to me, because she challenged me to really think about it the next two months and set the fire up for what would become the first day of my new life and start of my weight loss journey on December 11, 2008.

So that day this girl above prayed a lot, thought a lot and felt God pushing me towards taking that step into faith and doing this and this tiny, tiny, bit of hope pushed me to do it and I was off. I cannot tell you other than God's strength that helped me and motivated me because looking back I think WOW I had a lot facing me, but I can say it was the mind set of knowing it was a day by day process and it wasn't going to happen over night, and LITERALLY celebrating every day I did not cheat, or every day that I went back to the gym or every day that I chose to feel my emotions and not binge eat to numb them. There days in the beginning I thought I would die or never make it but each pound I saw slip away on the scale each week I have my wkly weigh-in's was just enough to push me that much more to my goal of 130lbs. I know you probably hear people say this but you cannot look at the numbers as a sense of how far you have to go but just the next step you need to take, ONE at a TIME. So I did that, and before I knew it a week was a month, a month was two months and by April and time for prom I was down 75lbs.

Above I was at 231lbs and at by far one of the greatest milestones of it all, the 75lbs gone mark and also going to my senior prom, something I never dreamed I would have been able to do but I did. It would not have been possible without the help of my trainer and her friend and the suprise date they planned but it was magical, and looking back now I think man I had a long way left still, I see a girl who felt beautiful for one of the first times in her life and starting to taste a little bit of the confidence that was soon to follow.

I then graduated in May and officially hit the 100lbs gone mark by the time I graduated on June 4th and was SO cool to walk across the stage knowing that and just feeling like a different person and that while I wasn't at goal I was going to start college off 100lbs lighter at least and knew I still had the summer to really kick things up. Which with the help of a new trainer Ryan who was in the AirForce he took me from 100lbs gone and feeling better to tone, fit and crazy haha, his workouts were intense and some days just gainsaid. He also took my body from flabby and still puffy to toned in 3 months and it blew me away. There were days he was having me flip 100lb tires outside, some days even sitting on them as I had to pull them in the hot sun. He also was the first person to get my to run on a treadmill even when I laughed at him and told them there was no way that was happening but hey he was right......it did :).

So above is what I was by the end of Summer of 2009, down another 30lbs over those three months and by Sept. 1st was at 170lbs and down 139lbs. I started college deff. a different person and it was strange because it was so new to me but here all these new friends and people thought that this was how I always was. It was at this point I started noticing people just treating me differently getting more attention. My next biggest thing was when my local newspaper decided to right a front page article on my weight loss titles "BSU Freshmen no longer WEIGHED DOWN". That was pretty crazy seeing myself on the front page and also becoming a little bit of a local celebrity for something that to me I still couldn't believe was actually happening. A lot of people didn't know about this either because I didn't tell tons of people just because I was so scared I was going to fail at some point and it wasn't going to work. It was neat though to receive more support and also the huge support I received at the Y, it all just pushed me to lose the last 40lbs and be at my goal.

So the months came on and the season of the hardest time in my life came into full swing. November came a loss that was very hard to bear, along with the ending of my grandfather's life as he became very ill, who had lived with us for 6 years and was truly my second father and the best Grandfather or Papou(as we say in Greek). He passed in Dec. right before Christmas which made that difficult but I was so grateful because the week before he died I was able to spend my 1 year anniversary with him of the weight loss and he told everyone he knew and the whole nursing staff on the floor he was at in the hospital and I know he was so proud and was so thankful to not have to worry about my health, so as of Dec. 11, 2009 I was at 147lbs and less than half my size.

January came and was yet again another tough year as my family went through a transition again with losing the relationship with my mom due to some legal issues. It was by far the hardest month of my life and still continues to be painful at times as we adjust but I know God is control and has been SO faithful in it all. I did hit my goal as of Feb. 26, 2010 and it was a great feeling, it would have been even better without all the stress going on around and getting there in a healthier way because at least the last 10lbs that came off were due to stress related issues and not eating right or enough. At this point my weight was getting too low, and I was working at too much and had a couple of hospital scares in the ER with potassium issues, one being so bad my heart was .2 in potassium away from stopping....talk about wake up call!

So at my smallest I arrived but deff. was far from happy. I had been there 4 months of difficulties, lost the relationship with my mom, and moved out of my house and deff. felt alone at times and sick a lot as well as I now couldn't find the balance of being smaller and knowing when to stop trying to lose weight. After all 13months of pushing, pushing, pushing I didn't know what to do when I got there, no one had really prepared me for maintenance and I deff. had not prepared myself for it at all. I think because in the back of my mind I always thought that I would fail and never make it there, I never thought to prepare for once I did and how I would handle it/stay there. To make maters worse I was finally out on my own and thrown into the world of college, boys, going out and just horrible health choices constantly, again not really prepared for that reality at all. I did stay at my goal weight for about 2 months but that was until mr. comfort food crept in and I hadn't realized I never dealt with the fact of how I will handle the emotions and not go back to old habits.

I can truly say that I didn't think I had any kinds of eating disorder or a morphed view on food but I deff. had my whole life but didn't think about it that way. So of course as stressed poured in and new issues with being thin came in so did the food, and it was easy to think "well heck I worked this hard to get there I deserve to let loose a little bit right!?". Well problem was being deprived from things for so long and certain foods my body just freaked out when even the slightest bit of "bad food" entered. It was like I had just been on pause for 14months and body immeadiately remembered the way it was soothed by Taco Bell, and a giant bowl of ice cream, or a cheese burger. At this point as well I was not fully seeking God out and had given up a lot on my faith due to the circumstances and just felt God had left me and I didn't know where to turn so food gladly stepped in.

So 5lbs that was seeming so easy to get off in a week, turned to a 10lb gain, then a 20lb gain and then boom staring back at me by the end of the summer of 2010 was a 50lb gain and I had NO clue how I got there, but I did know it came on twice as fast as I lost it, and I was very depressed about that. I continued to struggle and would just feel this guilt coming everywhere because I HAD been at my goal and what I said I would never do I did, I regained some and every time I would go to get rid of it the guilt of ever letting myself gain in the first place would take over and start the vicious cycle again, and I lost hope in myself, lost that faith in me that I had in thinking maybe I never deserved the weight loss? Well while those thoughts came they are not true and didn't last forever.

This last year the stress of things slowly started to let up, my life started to find order again and the pieces while never to be the same again started to slowly fall back into place. After all that went on I will never be the same person again, but I am stronger and more the real me that ever before and took that all happening for me to do that, along with God's strength and determination to NEVER let me go, even when I wanted to let go. As of Jan. of 2011 I fully committed my life back to Christ and to putting me back together after all the change and since then and seeking after Him I have found such a better life in Him and in this new me. The one area though I had yet to surrender was my weight and self-image issues and deciding that I CAN get back to 140lbs and lose these pesky 50lbs that have been hanging around and I have been carrying around the luggage of the stress of these past few years. I realized that I do have problems with food, and allow it to be my comfort and that is where my weight problem comes from, not the food itself but the way I view it, use it and needed it rather than feeling the emotions. I am reading a book now that is awesome called "Women Food and God" and if you too feel this way I recommend it or any book like it, but truly forcing yourself to see how you view food and the ways we use it. I didn't realize as a kid I would eat a whole bag of shredded cheese after my parents got into a huge fight and I somehow felt responsible, or that when I wait up until they would go to bed and I would sneak two sandwiches and chips to go to bed full so I wouldn't be plagued of thinking of the things I could not change of the day that was stressing me out or bogging me down.

All that to be said.....I hope you are still reading and if you are you are a champ lol :), I have decided enough is enough. I am getting back to 140lbs, I am doing it while still appreciating the 119lbs I have kept off for over 2yrs now, and for the progress so far, and for the fact that maybe in having to re lose the last 50lbs I had to discover it's not just about losing the weight and running from the food but finding out why you ever got there in the first place and how you can stay in a healthy mindset towards it. If it hadn't been for this past year and a half of being back 50lbs heavier and really thinking how did I get there but not stay there and what is happening would I have ever realized my attachment to emotional eating. I now how to view it in that light and learn that you can deff. count calories and be restrictive to get to your goal but you MUST have a plan for once your there, so as I lose this last 50lbs again I have to learn to how to have a better relationship with food and get to a goal and healthy place in a way that I can stay there for life :). All this to realize it's not a number that makes you happy, or a size of pants or even a certain look or image, but finding yourself and living a long healthy lifestyle in every choice you make :).

So above is me now, still 119lbs lighter, happier than the girl at the beginning of this post but not at my fullest potential and ready to be the VERY best I can be at my goal set at 140lbs and ready to learn to live there and be there for the rest of my life. :) Thank you guys who read this, and for the comments and I am excited to update even more on non weight related issues tomorrow and also about this week as I hit the gym hard again and figure all this out, November 25, 2011 was officially my new start date for this 50lbs loss and I am ready more than ever to get there :D.

~Kassandra

New Layout, New journey, Fresh start :)

2011-11-25T11:45:00.000-08:00

Well hello :),
I have officially decided I greatly missed blogging and everyone in the blogging world and that it's time to be back up and running, it's been way too long. I realized that while I feel like sometime with school/work/other commitments right now that I say I don't have the time but really I just need to make the time, so I am.

In part of doing so I got a new sparkly layout which I like because anything that sparkles fits me well haha, the more pink and glitter the better. New banner at the top and just took some very old things down and made it more about the me now. It's crazy to think that it's been almost three years of having this blog up and almost three years since my journey to losing weight and becoming me started. I am so thankful for this blog for the fact that it has forever saved different parts of the life changing journey, but was hesistant to come back to it because so much has changed since then and I continue to find me, when at times I thought I had, guess that is something called life right lol :)? At different points I look back and see myself thinking I had it all figured out and done right, when really I had no clue at all, or what was just around the corner. That being said I have decided I am thankful for every part of my life and each season of it, but have to keep pushing forward and not sit in the past and just keep growing as things come along.

I knew I didn't want to give up on this blog but yet expand it, so that is what I am doing. Since starting the blog I have moved out on my own, gone through two more years of college, had a couple different jobs, switched majors, found a love of my own for Mission work and grown a lot in my faith in the Lord. It was hard though to come back and know what to do because with the break I took in consistently posting it's difficult to connect my old life/old journey with the new life and new journey. Also it has not always been easy because once I got to my goal weight I did not stay there but for about 2 months before gaining 50lbs back and being at a stand still with my weight. I thought of starting a new one, or totally changing everything, or just never doing it again, but none of those options seemed to be quite right. I still felt this call and want to blog and use this as a tool to express things, share my story and experiences and continue to document the up's and down's of life. So that all now being typed and hopefully making sense that is what I am going to do :). Any of my family and friends who know me well know I love to talk, love people and love sharing stories and just experiences so blogging is very enjoyable and hopefully others like to read it too and if not it's a good way just to journal and process life haha!

So here's to remembering the past, the old blog, the experiences this life has taught and continues to teach and here are to the new one's the getting to my goal and finding the right number on the scale and celebrating the 115lbs that have been gone now for almost THREE years and just sharing life experiences through the computer lol ;). Later on today/tonight I am going to post a page with my complete story/weight loss journey just as a refresher/catcher-upper on where things are and where they are going in life.

~Kassandra (:

Weigh-In #3

2011-08-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

I won't even say it but I am late lol....but here I am! Classes have started, I am in my second week and feeling like I am in a tornado but that has worked to my advantage to be honest. I have been so busy I haven't thought about food as much and exercise has been DEFF. needed to be able to stay less stressed! I weighed in yesterday and was very happy to see 182 on the scale. I took 2wks off from the scale because it was starting to determine my mood daily because I was weighing in daily...DUMB. It's just so hard to not let it control you, and for me because it has been my "job" for so long to be healthy it can take totally take over my mind. Anyways this was encouraging because last time on the scale i was 189 so this is 7lbs down in two weeks and I will take it!

I knew I could feel a difference in my clothes and how I felt but hadn't seen the numbers yet but was pleasently suprised :). This week is also full of hormones and such so it might even be better on next weeks weigh-in but I am not getting on once until next Tuesday. I also did have a night where I let myself indulge a little on Sunday night the night we had our Dinner party at my new house with my new roommates and it was the first time in a while I had smal portions of "unhealthy things" but enjoyed every last bit and jumped right back on the next morning with my Fiber one for breakfast, then Tuesday still weighed in. I am so grateful I am slowly moving towards a healthy way of viewing food and viewing times when it is OK to go off the calorie path and not be so anal about it, because anal only gets you to a bad place where one day you are going to fall off, or at least I did. I still have a lot to learn about that but it is nice to know that 10lbs is officially gone and while this is a lot slower than the first time I am learning each day how to keep this off, and I love that! I am posting a recent picture too below from this Sunday and it was encouraging to see some difference in how I looked and it didn't hurt that I got the dress for 9 bucks this wkend at Macy's ;).

I can say the theme of these next couple months as I work towards 140 again is just loving each place I am at no matter what the number is, and loving myself enough to know it's worth it to make the healthy choices! I am hoping to post more, and will try my best but these next couple weeks might be a little rough with school. Have a great day!

~Kassandra

WAY Over Due Update!

2011-08-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

Hello :), it has been a while since I have updated and I am sorry, I think I win the suckiest blogger award for the mont of July and maybe even August as well lol. I was not at all prepared for what moving was going to do to my life and how much it was going to take! Who would have thought that I would have accumulated so much stuff over the course of 1 year in college lol. Long story short I am officially moved into my house now and living with 6 other girls in a duplex like house and LOVE it :D. It took me a while to get adjusted just because I am not the greatest with change and switching up my routines but after a week and redoing/painting my room it's all good! The first night I actually got to stay in my room I slept better than I have in a while and really do feel like it's home, and the girls are great and it's all coming together nicely.

Weight wise where the heck am on the scale you might wonder!?!? Well last official weigh-in at Thin&Healthy I was at 188lbs so down another pound from the last time I posted at 189lbs. That probably doesn't make a ton of sense since it's been about 3wks since my last update but there were deff. some bumps along the road between then and now. I have always promised myself and others that I would be 100% real about my struggle with this and this is real right here. I did well for about 3wks on Thin&Healthy and as going strong and then moving happened and I let myself get so worked up and just didn't care for a week and a half and guess what hello 3lbs back on my butt(at least that is where it all feels like it goes lol). Anyways I was back up to 192lbs and feeling defeated yet again. But the cool part about this happening this time is I had a support system in Vicki the nutritionist at Thin&Healthy and in my best friend Heather who is now down 40lbs in 4months who told me not to give up and look at the weight I still had off and just get back up and kick it in tomorrow! I also had a little encouragement from the show "Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition". I watched an episode one night with Heather with this sweet lady on it who was over 400lbs and had a very rough child life and lost her mother. While my child life wasn't as rough as her's I did grow up with a psychologically ill mother and now have lost my relationship with her just in the last two years and that has taken a huge toll on me and was the fuel behind finding Mr. Comfort Food again a little over a year ago and still eats at me a lot.

Anyways the big thing she said that hit close to home for me was when the trainer on the show asked her "When was it you died inside and decided it was ok to get to the size your at and just give up on you?" She had to think for a moment but she remembered that moment. When he said that it was like he was asking me, "When did you Kassandra give up and die a little on the inside and decide you weren't worth it enough to stay at your goal of 135-140 after you worked SO hard to get there??" It was SERIOUSLY like a light bulb went off in my head and I can SO remember that moment, after going through a rough 3months with the issues with my mom, going through two awful relationships and all this during my freshman year of college I died a little, and decided I was just too much of a wreck to care or matter, and I shut off on the inside. Quit working out, quit the positive self talk on the inside, quit feeling confident, and worst of all quit believing in myself and using discipline but yet let myself give into the bad desires and just go with it. I just stopped caring about me and it's hard to admit that because that is HUGE and it was something that took me over a year to discover as I lost the weight the first time, but it's true and I can say I feel better after coming that realization in my mind and realizing that HAS to change, and each day I start out I get to chose if I make that choice to care about myself and do what's right for me or to go into autopilot and just not care.

That next Monday so about 2wks ago Heather and I got up and ran at 7am and decided we were going to start caring about ourselves WAY early in the morning and it was great! That alone pumped me up and got me fired up to care about myself in EVERY choice I made and that meant physical and food choices as well. I got right back on plan for Thin&Healthy and also counted my calories too. While at Thin&Healthy they don't make it's just something probably for the rest of my life I should and like to do, there is just something mental for me to see on the paper what I have eaten or I guess on MyFitnessPal.com lol. I can so lie to myself too easily on my calories so this is perfect! I have been doing Zumba/Swimming/Spinning in Cycling class and running these last two weeks and loving it as well as weights every other day and now down to 188 at my last weigh-in but I go in tomorrow for another one and REALLY hope it's down more! I am also accepting how big of a task this is 50lbs IS NOT SMALL and IS NOT EASY, this is going to be a lot to get off, but I can do it, and slow and steady wins the race. I am doing this to have it off forever so this is what it takes! I ran 3miles tonight for my "last chance workout" in hopes that I see great results tomorrow even just 2lbs I will be thrilled for this week, each one knowing it's getting closer to goal!

That's it for me tonight but I will be on tomorrow with an update on weight and some other cool things, , thanks to you who still read this and support my blogging even when it's not always on time, I am working on that! Have a great night!
~Kassandra

No I am not gone :D

2011-07-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update before I pass out tonight but I did not forget about the blog I have just had a whirlwind of events the last couple days! I officially moved from my apartment to my house, which I post about more later! I moved last Saturday which was an all day event carrying things down 3 flights of stairs in over 90 degree weather...can you say sweat!?!?! I need get a great workout out of it though lol :D. I just kept thinking whew each step equals more calories burned YAY!

Long story short this wkend was a toughy because the sugar cravings and caffeine withdraws only got worse, and with moving and dealing with change on top of it, it was a bit nutty but with strength and prayer I got through it and had a good overall wkend! Working out has been key though because I just save up my stress like in a piggyback that I then go and cash in on the StairMaster haha ;). But none the less the internet is on in the new house and should be from now on, my room is about 1/2 way done and painted and hopefully by the end of this week I am settled. I am very grateful it hasn't effected my eating and cannot wait for Friday's weight to share! Hope everyone is having a great and I will deff. be writing more tomorrow, gnight!

~Kassandra

SUGAR withdrawal!!

2011-07-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well today I officially feel like her above haha, I want a box of chocolates/cake/snickers or really anything with sugar and I want it BAD! They weren't kidding when they said this first phase detoxes your body from sugar because MAN is it ever! I guess before this week I was still eatin 100 calorie packs and such and probably more processed things than I should have been (hence why getting these 50lbs off has been tough alone). I have caught myself just not wanting to do anything because I am afraid I will want to eat some sugar lol, and of course we can we just GUESS what was in the back office at work today!?!?! Cake....really??? One of my coworkers is graduating tomorrow so it called for cake which was SUPER tough to stand by for almost an hour while making copies and working on putting together some packets back there. I don't know if this is healthy of not but I just kept taking a look at my side view in the microwave when the cake smelled good and magically the craving went down lol. I am not one for self sabotaging yourself but I am also not trying to eat a giant piece of cake just because it smelled good.

I am deff. having the headache as well from not having as much sugar and processed stuff and missing it but I know it's worth it. I can say this is the most serious I have taken getting back to my goal since the time I put the weight back on and the most focus I have been. Today boredom hasn't helped a lot either because I am in transition between houses and just kind of waiting around till officially moving day tomorrow. I think though before dinner and to get my mind off I am going to head to the Y! My iPod is nice and charged I have my apartment one last afternoon to myself so I can come back home and eat and shower and I think this just might curb the cravings to hopefully go away!

I just keep telling myself I am NOT going to get back into my Skinny Jeans with sugar(although mine never looked this tiny haha, just a cute pair from one of my favorite stores Forever 21), but you get my point! The jeans that I wore at goal and that currently warm the hanger in my closet. So for that reason I think the Stair-master is calling my name for at least 30mins or so :).

Btw, my weigh in day will now change with weighing in officially at Thin&Healthy I know her scale is probably more accurate than mine so I am going to go with that, and as of now I go back in Monday, if I survive the Sugar monster lol! Have a Fabulous Friday :D

~Kassey

Sometimes you gotta ask for help!

2011-07-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

So it has obviously been way too long since I last posted and I had such good intentions to post and each day that I went to bed knowing I didn't I would think "Darn it....didn't do it AGAIN today!". This week has been a lot more work/more hectic than I had imagined it was going to be. I tend to live on ideal time and on ideal circumstances in my head downplaying how things will be and then surprised when it comes to reality lol. This time I did this with moving and just how much it takes to move/work and how much stuff I had accumulated over the last year in my apartment. I am moving Saturday from my apartment to my house for next year with my new roommates, it should be a lot of a fun and I am very much looking forward to it and the change :). I really feel the new place, new school year and such is the perfect time to embark on this new chapter of my life and getting to my goal, and letting the last two years go with all the family stress I went through and changes and losing the hold the guilt of regaining some of the weight.

The picture above is the reason for my title tonight on this post. For the last 4 months or so I have watched my best friend Heather lose almost 40 pounds and slim down before my eyes and still eat and not workout like a maniac. Heather is a lot like me with weight always being a battle and often felt hopeless like she couldn't do it, until she joined the program called Thin&Healthy, which is based out of a fitness center here in town called Studio 22. It is owned by a fitness trainer who is awesome name Brad and where a nutritional coach Vicki works at who does the food portion of it. Anyways long story short I have talked to Heather the last couple weeks about my frustrations on eating and knowing how to be healthy and low calorie without being too low. What worked for me before doesn't work now because my body is at a different set point, I am not 309lbs but starting in the 190's and losing from there. My body has a lot more muscle than I did before and I can workout a lot harder than before as well so I burn more. Any type of cutting calories at 309 is going to show results because I had plenty of fat to burn (not to say I don't now) but my body just burns differently and needs to more to lose more if that makes sense. So after Heather telling me all about Thin and Healthy and seeing here success I decided I needed to gave in and check into it.

One of my many flaws is it's tough for me to admit when I need help, especially in this area because it seemed like I had this down pat and covered, I would say to myself "At your smallest you were down over a 170lbs I think you know what your doing, just figure it out already!". Well I don't and didn't know what I was doing, I just knew how to eat less but not always the most smartest. We can all eat lower calories amount of crappy food and lose weight but still be off on the nutritional part which was totally ME! I went though yesterday and signed up and had my first meeting with Vicki and started "Phase One". I had the first weigh-in with her and we took all the measurements of every area of my body which is exciting because the first time I lost weight I did not take measurements and I so wished I had because sometimes those can be a huge encouragement when you don't see anything on the scale. This phase though you do for 4 days and then weigh in and in you lose more than 3-4 pounds they keep you on it until you plataea. It is very basic and has you eating protein, fruit, a little carbs in whole wheat bread, and whole grains or carby veges like corn, then all the raw veges you want and light condiments and yogurt. It's very simple and basic and as of today day 1 I love it! It's really not anything magical or anything I didn't know, it's just something new and something structured two things I needed. I write it all down in my food diary, take it in with me to see Vicki and also just document my exercise/mood.

Breakfast was a bowl of oatmeal, , should have had fruit but was running late and out the door for work and forgot, Lunch was a PB&J with all Natural Peanut Butter and Organic Strawberry Jelly, 1 low fat string cheese, and carrots, then dinner was what you see above which is a new favorite of mine! I pulled out my George Forman grill for the first time all year because it was the easiest thing to get to with my boxes all packed full of my stuff and grilled a 4oz chicken breast and it was amazing, then boiled a cup of Quinoa(rice/cous cous) like stuff that is so good and has protein in it as well, added a tiny bit of my Brummel and Brown butter( compliments of Hungry Girl) and 2tsps of Parmesan and threw in the chicken and I had myself a nice little healthy meal, and of course some carrots too! I normally would have another vege but I am trying to clean out my fridge before moving too so this is what I had so lots of little bags of organic carrots....yum! To say the least it was great, the flavors were good and made me realize just how much better the flavors of healthy food are over fast food and unhealthy. Even though I didn't use a ton of spices, I often forget how good just natural food tastes on it's own cooked, like my chicken breast, it was so good and just plain. I think the food so many of us eat now has so many "fake" processed flavors you get the instant taste but after your like "what did I just even eat??".

All in all this day was great, and it's nice to have some help in doing this and some accountability. I know for a fact you CANNOT get thin/stay thin without support and people to keep you in check. I have learned it's not easy as well to ask for help but it feels good once you do, I am still the one putting in the work and discipline I just need to admit that I need some boosts along the way ;). Can't wait to post more on this! Have a great day!

~Kassey

p.s. started with my friend/neighbor who is a trainer today and it was great she had me drenched in 15mins flat doing some P90x stuff and Body Rockers moves from online, intense but good!

Week #2 Weigh-In, I'll take it!

2011-07-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Well today was the weekly weigh-in for week two and I have to say I was pretty satisfied with it! I was a little nervous because I usually like to get a good work out in the day before "the last chance workout" like they do on Biggest Loser but yesterday went a little differently than I had planned with unexpected events like the brakes on my car going out...not cool but hey if that's the worst thing I am ok with lol. Anyways it was just a high stressed and busy day so it made the food thing very tempting as well but thank the Lord I didn't cave! I just kept thinking about how happy I would be today if I didn't, and I was right getting on the scale this morning and seeing a 3lb loss was just the encouragement and confidence I needed to know this week was successful.

Last night was really hard to say no to wanting to cheating, A.) because it was Friday and B.) because I was out of town, and C.) I was starving and it was way late like 10pm past dinner time, so normally I would have all the right excuses to cave and man I wanted to but didn't and that is shocking because this is all new habits again but good ones :). I was with my best friend and her family in Indianapolis and we didn't get done helping her brother move until about 10:15 where we stopped at a Root beer and Hot dog stand that is famous in this town not too far from my town. I love their corn dogs and such but knew there is no way that will be good and I didn't want to be that picky person who chooses not to go where the whole car wants to so I decided if there was nothing healthy I could wait till I got home(although inside I was screaming for some food lol) well they had a Taco Salad which can sometimes not be as good as just eating the regular fried foods but thankfully this one small and different than most places. It did have too much sour cream on it so I tried to wipe some off, but other than that it was shredded lettuce, salsa, a little bit of shredded cheese, beef, and maybe 5-10 bigger Frito's at the bottom for crunch and some taco sauce which is no calories and tomatoes. All in all it was probably the most healthy taco salad and great portioned. It fit in a small container about the size of a burger container so that was encouraging as well because some are 2 or 3 times that size, and as hungry as I was last night I would have given in.

I knew it was a good choice too because I was far from full after I ate it and other than the sodium I was happy with my choice. Yes the corn dogs looked amazing but today's number looks even better :). This week puts me back in the 180's too which is great and encouraging but I have to say 170's will be over the moon. As I have mentioned before in posts the 190-180 range is where I have been now for a solid year and it has been since June of 2010 since seeing 178lbs so I am excited just to get there again and obviously below, but I will take 189 today :). 3lbs is above target which is at least 2lbs a week. I know this time as much as I want to see 10lbs a week that is not the best way and is not the way to get off and keep it off so to be above that mark is good. Also this week I had a few days in the beginning of the week where I wasn't counting my calories 100% so to see that didn't hurt to bad either is a relief. As you can see too on here I have started using My Fitness Pal to track my progress and calories and just so I can be reminding of my goal and keep track of my weight. I really am trying not to be as strict this time around so I don't get burned out, but on the other hand I love being on top of my calories because again it is easier to lie to yourself and sometimes just seeing it out and seeing your goals are great encouragement. It also tells the calorie deficient you need to lose the amount of weight you need to as well, so I highly recommend it, and it's super user friendly :).

Well that is it for today and this week's Saturday weigh-in. I am looking forward to this week and pushing ahead to already looking to next week's results :). Hope you have an amazing weekend!
~Kassey

It's time to Buckle down and DO THIS!

2011-07-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

"So either gain it all back over the time you're in college and start over later, or change whatever needs to change to have time to do what you did before."

The quote above is a direct quote from a very good and trusted friend who happens to be like a life coach to me and not only that but who has struggled with weight issues as well. It might sound a little harsh and at first glance it may be but it is truth which I love and something I am learning about my process this week. I seem to be realizing a lot of my problem with not getting back to my goal over the last year is I simply just didn't want to put in the real hard work, the blood, sweat and tears I know it takes to lose weight and get healthy, or I would make up a list of excuses as to why I couldn't. And to be frank....I just got lazy.

When I started putting back the weight on in April of 2010 I also started finding reasons why I couldn't go to the gym and just why I needed that cupcake or extra serving of something because "I deserved it" or "life is so hectic and chaotic right now, I need this break from the strictness and the gym just isn't it, a nap is going to be better". I lost that drive, that fight to want to see change, the fight to want to buckle down and really see results. I wanted to do things half heartily and expect to see results and to be happy, well guess what.....it DOESN'T work lol, but I am sure that comes to NO surprise to anyone. For a solid year and half I went to the gym at least 5 times a week if not 6 and sometimes 7(which is too much I slowly learned). Not a day during the week unless I was very sick did it go by that I didn't go to the gym and push myself in doing at least 30mins of cardio. Most days it was at least an hour but I always told myself I would get in at least 30mins and I would always feel tons better.

A little secret that is not so secret is people like:

Jillian Michaels, Bree Boyce(Miss North Carolina 2011), and Biggest Loser winner Ali Vincent, don't look they way they do now and stay there by just losing the weight and hoping for the best?? Nope they go to the gym daily sometimes for up to 2 and 3 hrs to have bodies like those and live the total healthy body and mind lifestyle. I think for too long I thought boom I would just lose the weight and not have to push, if anything you have to push harder and fighter more to stay down, and really I want to. There is NO feeling like leaving the gym and knowing I just got a kick butt workout in and I am going to see results. No food or high from sugar is worth that(not even my favorite pastry and bakery shop here lol!). I think what it was is I lost the how great of a feeling it is to have the working out/eating right go hand in hand and how I used that good high and help to replace the bad high and help I got from food, I went back to old habits that gave me that help but also damaged me along the weigh with weight gains. There is NEVER a down reason to going and working out because any results other than injury is not a good and helpful thing that comes from working out.

So ok off that topic I could on forever, but again just a reminder to myself and everyone it's ALWAYS worth making working out and eating right a two part deal! But anyways my friends comment to me was an eye opener and something I know I don't want to forget. Weight loss really is very simple and all about just how much effort your willing to put in and how much time and drive you want to put into getting healthy. No magic wand, no magic pill and no one can do it for me, and I surely do not want to get back to 309 and surely do not want to wait till after college. Now is the time to buckle it all down and to remember that I can do this and do it now :). Hope if your struggling with too you know you can do this as well, make a commitment to go to the gym for even just 30mins(just a short tv show's time) and see the difference even just 3 days a week, I did this but made mine at least 5 times a week and I can say it's helping SO much this week already, I am actually excited for the weigh-in because when you put in the work your GOING to see results, that's the best part of weight loss, you can determine your progress one choice at a time! :)

Until tomorrow!

~Kassey

p.s. a story that total inspired me this week that might help you as well is about Bree Boyce who I posted about, here is her link Bree's Story. I loved reading this and seeing that there is someone so determined to change the mindset of young women especially but everyone on obesity and the way she is using her now new platform to inspire. So cool!

Weekend Recap

2011-07-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

First off thank you to you all who either messaged me or commented on my last post and just being back in general and the overall support :). I have to say that I was so nervous to post that last picture on Saturday and felt some shame of just having to really face the damage of not being on top of my weight and health has done to me. It's just so good to know I am not alone and what I am saying makes sense and that you guys are so encouraging about it, it was deff. a good boost to make it through the weekend.

I can say my first weekend eating healthy again went great and wasn't too hard to fight the temptations. For some reason weekends are my weakness's and I find it SO much easier to justify eating crap because "it's the weekend" it's like it becomes this right of passage in your head that I know at least for me I feel I deserve to eat unhealthy or too much or whatever because I am off work and with friends generally or whatever, but problem is it's not, and sadly one weekend of two days can ruin a whole weeks worth of work. That has been a real issue for me this last year so I am deff. celebrating a good weekend of clean eating. I really only had to hurdles that were tough to jump but they were Saturday night when a group of high school friends and I went to out favorite Mexican place that pretty much everyone at my college/town love called Puerta Valarta. It is very good, pretty inexpensive but as most Mexican places run not real healthy, and to top it off it's unlimited homemade fried chips in baskets at your table which makes it very tough! I just chose that while yes I could have done the most healthy option which are their salads but honestly the sodium and fat in them are terrible and it would have been at least 600 or 700 calories and because my body is so detoxed from that kind of food it wouldn't have agreed and it hasn't the last 2 times I have been here, so a nice trick I have and I am sure many other healthy journey seekers do is eat before you go! I ate a nice healthy dinner at home right before and drank a lot of water so that way I would feel full and hopefully things wouldn't look so tempted, and it worked! I also got a Diet Coke as my treat because I don't drink soda too much at all anymore, but figured that would be what my exception would be and would keep me busy. It was deff. not giant thing but a small victory for me because saying no to friends has been SO hard and I have been justifying weekends for months now so I left that night really happy, and ended up getting some low cal, 110 to be exact Frozen Yogurt for my other treat after waiting through the meal and I was satisfied and proud of myself for once.

My other hurdle was last night at my Small group meeting for my church. Our church splits up into small groups twice a month and meet at one of the group members houses and we always go to my "like a second parents" house The Harris's. It is wonderful and Susan is a wonderful cook so there is always great things to eat. Last night they ordered pizza after we had our meeting and salad and desserts and again I ate before hand and brought a Carbonated fruit calorie free drink with me and wasn't too tempted there either, other than as the night got later the cookies started calling my name lol! Another lady in our group Pam makes the WORLD'S greatest cookies that I wanted so bad as about 10pm rolled around because I stayed late talking to some of the group but I reminded myself as I stopped to think about it that I would regret it and that when I went home I could make some 100 calorie popcorn or a small something there. So I did stick to my guns and again felt pretty happy.

I think this weekend I learned I have to slow myself down when it comes to a craving or a temptation or whatever and just mentally talk myself through and deff. NOT make an impulse choice. That's really what our health and being a health nut boils down too lol, it's all about caring and now caring and really thinking through what is going in your mouth. Do I really love doing it all the time??? Heck no I don't lol, but I have learned that I enjoy it later on and that patience is key as well and really weighing the options and slowing down to make well thought out caring options. It's no different than how we slow down to plan our daily outfits or take time to shower and go to the dentist to get our teeth cleaned, do we love doing that stuff all the time and would we like to skip it some days, I know I do but in the end it makes for a happier, cleaner, healthier you :). So again I am retraining myself to care, slow down and think. That's it for my weekend wrap up and I hope you all are having a great start to this week! I have already thought of a lot of great things to blog about this week and a lot of things I am excited about and hopefully a weight loss to report as well!
~Kassey

Facing a New Beginning

2011-07-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

“You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present."

Well today was the day I decided I needed to take that first "beginning shot" of myself for my journey, the start picture and really face what I am working with on this journey back down to my goal and staying there. I can remember taking the first picture of my last journey and many "first pictures" before that one were the journeys didn't quite pan out like I had hope for. They were never fun and never will be when you have to take that full length body shot and see what it's looking back at you, but without accountability you stay exactly where you are at, and that's not just accountability with others but with yourself. I know one too many times I have seen myself in my head as looking like the size of Jennifer Aniston or some other actress and then I am smacked in the face with a picture and it's usually not quite there lol, or really not there, but enough of that I don't mean to say that is what I am shooting for but you know what I mean, often times we paint a much prettier picture to avoid reality.

This week it has been since Tuesday of eating healthy and staying on my plan of action I posted about earlier and I did, and even just after 5 days of that I am down 4lbs from where I started on Tuesday but you know how the first week and eating right always goes, you always lose a lot of water weight the first week, but none the less I will take it :). It is hard to see the numbers if 192lbs look back at me and knowing now I am officially 52lbs from my goal of 140lbs. It's hard because I would have like to have thought it was only 30 or even 40 just because 52lbs sounds so horrible, but in the end of the last journey I had lost 179lbs total so 52 shouldn't be too hard, I know I can do this and it's just a number that WILL slowly melt if the work and effort are put forth and so far so good. I can say being back on here and blogging and really telling everyone around me what I am doing has been great, the accountability is what I need and just great to be able to share things along the way.

Here we have what I promised as the first monthly weigh in and picture. Can't say this will be making it my profile picture on facebook or in a frame in my new house lol but hey, it's a starting point right??? It's hard not to feel shameful and guilty looking at this picture or just sick but this time around after gaining back these 52lbs and being this same weight for a year I can look at this picture and not feel that, and that is the reason for my quote I started this post out with. I have been around 190-180 since the end of last June so exactly a year and have been battling it the whole time but never broke 180 and always seemed to find that 10lbs again and again and again. The reason being you might ask.....exactly what that quotes says i was clutching on to the past so hard I couldn't even see my future. For most of you who have read my blog you know that in Feb. 2011 I hit my goal and below at 137lbs and stayed around there and 140 for a month and a half until March and then through stress of my freshman yr of college and losing the relationship with my mom and my family going through the most trying year ever I gave in and gave up to food again and packed on the pounds in 3 short months. I let food become my comfort and going out with friends in college become my escape and kept myself on no workout regiment for that time as well. Well the 5lbs I thought I was gaining became 50lbs and it spun out of control before I knew it. It was something I NEVER thought would happen especially after having such success in losing it and loving being thin.

Well story be told when you take a person who had been overweight their whole life and let them lose that kind of weight in a little over a year and throw in some life changing events it's a recipe for disaster, not to mention I had no maintenance plan in place for when I did hit my goal, and I was 19 yr old clueless freshman. I think each time I would go to lose the weight I would get so mad for letting myself even get back there (cluthcing to the past) I would let the guilt rise so much I would derail myself with guilt and make a week sometimes two and be eating to comfort that guilt rather than look towards the future. I have finally accepted YES you did gain SOME of the weight back and YES you do have a problem with keeping it off and YES it does suck and feel like a failure at times BUT......that doesn't me you can't get back and learn the lesson from this time around and be 140lbs be happy and STAY there. Another big thing this has taught me is to love myself at any weight and still appreciate all the hard work I have done to get to even 192lbs. I have still kept 117lbs off for a year now which I never thought that could even happen, and really after talking to many nutritionists that right there is outside the norm. And by NO means am I tooting my own horn I just have to remind myself to not totally hate myself for the gain and to celebrate the good and take that and let it fuel more to a happy and complete future in getting the last now 52lbs off. I think I needed to learn this lesson, in fact I know because God has plan for everything even this in my life. As I lost the weight the first time I NEVER took time to celebrate the small victories and enjoy each day and be proud of myself I hated every phase for the most part and was only going to be happy with me at my goal, well FALSE! This body 192lbs is no model but is still beautiful, still strong, carried me through so many trials, done great things and most of all created by God and nothing He makes is not good. Does that mean I am satisfied here, NO I know I can be healthier at 140 so I am working to get there but it does me I need to love me and know that the only way I can get back down is if I do that and celebrate all the little victories and accept this is going to take some time and I will get there and love me just the same at that weight as well.

That all being said while I CANNOT wait to see that right photo shrink and shrink or me I guess shrink and shrink lol, I am going to step away and appreciate this and celebrate the 117lbs that is still off and will always be off and be so thankful for my body on never giving up on me through the rollar coaster I have put it through. I hope if you too struggle with being happy at any weight you can feel happy and know your beautiful too and that goal weight is very attainable as well :). Well I am off to make a meatless burger for dinner and avoid the Mexican at the restaurant I am going to with some friends, just gonna opt for a diet coke and have a good time socializing, it will be worth it tomorrow! Have a great Saturday and cannot wait till next week to hopefully be down in numbers on the scale!

~Kassandra

Non Food rewards!

2011-07-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

Well Day 3 of the first week has gone well for the most part. Started out a little rocky as my Oatmeal for breakfast I was SO excited for pooped out on me lol. I am not sure if I added too much water or what but it came out looking like a floaty mess which was sad because I didn't had a ton of time before work but I wasn't going to let that bring me down or just skip breakfast like I tend to do before work. I resorted to a piece of Cinnamon Raisin Ezekiel bread with 1tbsp of Almond butter on it, which was great and a perfect choice! I would say it held me over until lunch a little after 1 o'clock after I came home from work. I had a good lunch kind of a odd lunch because I needed to go to grocery but I resorted to some hummus in a wrap and a baked potato and no veges or fruit because I was out other than carrots, which why I didn't eat those I don't know but I didn't lol. I am terrible about not getting in all my veges and fruits so that is a work in progress in which I am staying on myself about ;).

Dinner sadly enough was hummus again haha this time with a few pretzels, about 110calories worth and a big bowl of Green Beans, a little treasure I forgot I had bought. I LOVE green beans and for a single, college student having a couple cans of those around is good because when I buy fresh it often goes bad because I can't eat it quick enough since it's just one person eating the food. And considering you can have a whole cup full for 40 calories I couldn't pass it up. I then made a 150 calorie dessert which I think this weekend I am going to post about that is just a concoction I have made it up lol. I am planning on taking a walk/jog after Bible Study tonight with a friend as my exercise but deff. should have made more time for it!

My last thing for today and title is about a none food reward I am going to aim for after making it through two full weeks, including weekend of clean eating and working out at least 5 days of the week! I feel that it is important to have these and have little boosts along the way, and I know with the money I am saving on unhealthy junk and on going out to eat as much my budget can allow it and let me use that money in a different and better way. So what is it you might ask? Well I have a slight obsession with Vera Bradley and it's pretty big around here seeing as though it is made and created in Ft. Wayne, IN. I have been obsessed for about 5 years now and can't get enough lol. And of course they make AWESOME things for college students that you just must have ;).....ok not really but I tell myself that lol. So these are the things I am thinking of and need your vote on what pattern would be good to get it in!

Ok so I "need" really just want a new lanyard for my keys and an ID pouch for my BSU ID for the new year so I am thinking it's a small Vera Bradley splurge and these are the new Fall 2011 colors so I gotta have it haha :). Anyways I just can decide between these two patterns right above to get them in, so any votes on either of these two. there is Safari Sunset is the first and Happy Snails is the second I like them both but leaning towards Happy Snails, let me know what you think and if you ever did any non food rewards to encourage yourself :). Hope your having a wonderful day and thank you to those who have left sweet comments, those are so encouraging to me :D!

~Kassey

My Plan of Action!

2011-07-06T19:17:00.000-07:00

Well as I said in my post before this tonight I wanted to post my plan of action of getting back down to my goal weight of 140lbs. As I have said before I want to be very candid and open about it all so I have decided Friday's will be my weigh in day where I post my weight and a monthly picture until I lose the weight as well, starting this Friday. As I lost the weight last time my weigh in days were Friday which I liked because who doesn't love Friday's and it pushed me through the weekend to already starting looking forward to results for the next week, it was like I had no time to stop or to let up which I like, each day whether a weekend or not I should be pushing onward to my goal, so I think this will be good.

As far as food, my plan is pretty simple and normal. Of course I have been throwing around all sorts of ideas in my head these last couple weeks about what to do and really a lot of times it just depended on my mood haha. The days I would feel fat I would be like "I am SO done eating, it's all shakes for me and maybe some lettuce, I am doing liquids only!" And while yes liquid diets do work and do for some, from what I have seen and done much research on they are only a temporary fix and as my last post said I am looking for something permanent here and also something that I can do throughout my life. I want this time around to dedicate my life to being a health nut because that is what I am going to have to do and want to do to maintain this and I am finally ok with that. I am not that thin girl by through the grace of God can eat a package of Oreos then go grab some pizza for dinner and wash it down with a milkshake haha, I know there are those people and God bless them because I have to fight being jealous, but this girl is just NOT one of them and that is ok, God made me this way for a reason :). I of course thought of doing a no carb diet at one point, or a just go with the flow diet and it will come off when it comes off (by the way that is the worst idea haha). Anyways I know what works, I keep reminding myself of that and from all of my nutritionist friends and past trainers it's SO simple, the key and magical answer is CALORIES in VS. CALORIES PUT OUT. Yes I did just reveal the secret but it's everywhere not just here lol.

I learned that oh so simply in the first round at this, some days it may not even be the most healthy options how your getting those calories but if it's below what your body is burning your making that deficit so boom it's gotta burn something! So long story short I am going to do 1200-1500 a day, that range being because some days especially the days I do a long spin class I am only hungry for 1200 calories but other days like when hormones set in or there is a meal I have to eat out I may need that extra 300 and I am going to be ok with that. I think it will keep my body more regulated and just nice to have that fluctuation in things so I don't feel so confined. That being said though 1500 is where it stops though. For meunfortunately too much room can be a bad thing and because my eating can quickly turn to binging for comfort or whatever or eating out of guilt I do need a limit for now, when I get to goal I will cross that bridge then but I need a good limit at the moment at least. I think if you have any experience with diets you know you have to have some rule, it's like not setting a speed limit of give or take 10 miles no one would go the "safe speed" if there wasn't one, no one really LOVES to count calories and be particular unless you have a set limit.

As I mentioned before in my last post I am moving from my apartment to a house with some new roommates for next year which I am very excited about :). God opened up a great opportunity and I am pumped to see what will come of it and what He has planned. Anyways that being said that is in less than a month, and to be honest I have WAY too much stuff already so the thought of moving food over too isn't a pleasant one, so I am thinking what a perfect way to eat all that great "diet" food I have. And no haha it's not some Nutra System diet food but just the healthy stuff that somehow I forget to eat or don't because other things look better lol....oops. You know how it is you get that I am going to lose weight bug and go all out at the grocery store buy somethings you don't even know how to prepare but hey, Fitness Magazine said a celeb ate it and lost 20lbs in a month so your gonna give it a whirl lol, if that's not you it's me haha! I so love to try new things and do love healthy foods, I have just become lazy when it comes to preparing them once I buy it. So what are some things in my pantry you might ask??
Chicken Breasts(to be made in my crockpot)
100% Whole Wheat Spaghetti (organic even!)

Quinoa is what you see in the picture above and is AWESOME if you have never tried it! If you like Cous Cous then I would say give this or try or even like rice but the best part is it's like 111 calories a serving AND has protein which is just sweet! SO this will go great with my 2 bags of chicken breasts that must be eaten!
Greek Yogurt and Fiber One Yogurt (two of my favs)
Flatouts, these are gonna get a whole post sometime soon because they are my staple item!
Egg Whites
Turkey Sausage
Low Fat Feta
Hunmus(another one to get it's own post lol)
Pretzels(very few)
100 Calorie Popcorn
Boca Burgers
Bean Burgers
Cottage Cheese
Sugar Free Jello Cups
Sugar Free Jello Pudding
Peaches and Apples
Carrots
Skim Milk and some cereal
Oatmeal
Tuna
So for now that is what I saw in the fridge/pantry all things that will make great meals and I am excited to pair it all up and just make some nice master pieces lol. I am going to probably go to the store and get some Ezekiel Bread(another post soon) and maybe some more veges and salad to use with my chicken . It's just so amazing all the things I didn't realize I had and all I have bought, I guess that is what happens when you become an adult and you still buy like your in the family of 10 I grew up with lol, and maybe I thought the more healthy my food was int he fridge I would then chose it because there was so much haha, who knows! Anyways enough of that, that is my plan and this is what I am going for, the healthiest good for my body choices in these 1200-1500 calories a day. My body deserves these habits and it's time I put the effort into cooking and making healthy choices in everything I put in my mouth, my body and my life our not a right but a gift and I need to be treating it that way :).

Well I taught a spin class tonight for the first time in a month so I am a tad pooped and ready for bed, but again thank you for reading this and I look forward to more!
~Kassey

Permanent Change

2011-07-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

"Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined."

July 6, 2011 starts a new day in my life, a new chapter and of course a new blog layout as well lol :o). I figured 4 months was too far long of a break to not have posted and a long enough wait in coming back, and now it's time to come back and be real and do this....permanently.

So here is a brief catch up on my life so as I talk about things these next couple weeks it all will make sense :). I am currently on summer break from college and really starting to enjoy it finally. A week after I got out of classes I left to go to a camp for three with my on campus organization called "The Navigators". Navigator's is a Christian Organization that is international and it's main head quarters are in Colorado Springs, CO. There mission statement is "To know Christ and make Him known" and that means in different countries in mission work, in different big cities and one of their biggest outreaches which is on college campus's. They train young staff out of college who want to go into full time ministry to then go and do that on a campus which where my staff couple Chris and Dana come into play. Long story short they go to my local church here and I have been involved since my freshman year but heavily involved this last year and went to their Summer Training Program with other students from Ball State, Purdue, IU and Illinois State for 3 weeks and had some of the best time of my life with them. We not only had great time of fellowship with each other and made life long friends we got to work together in getting this camp ready for over 2,000 youth campers that would be using the grounds all summer at Spring Hill Camp. And of course we got to learn so much from all the speakers there and about God and deepening our personal relationship and walk with him which I loved and needed. There were no cell phones there, no computers and just basically a haven away from the craziness of life for 3 weeks but such a great time of refreshment and great quiet times out in nature, let's just say I didn't want to come home lol! Here are a few pics of the 3 wks:

My team :)

One of our staff's son and I

My cabin of girls who I got so close with, just wish they all went to Ball State as well!!

My friend Lauren and I on one of the work days

The girls on my team and I on one of our weekend night dates the guys teams would plan

Some of the girls from my cabin and I in our big cleaning van we drove around a ton

A group shot of everyone, with one of our speakers for that week

So basically in a nut shell camp was great, only downer was the camp food and the fact I didn't get to work out for 3 wks but did in other ways of lifting 200lb beds and doing 5-6hrs of manual labor daily during the days but in comparision to the calories of the food it was equalling out but I decided I wasn't going to worry about it there and just enjoy the time away and I am glad I did. Once getting back from there things did not slow down at all, I was thrown into a week of teaching Vacation Bible School at my church and was the head teacher for the 2's and 3's....which was pure fun and craziness for a week. I love that age group because they are like little spnonges and love to learn and such but that also means you get potty accidents on the floor and kids sneaking other kids snacks or going to down with some glue on the table during craft time lol, it's a whole bag of different things in one day but a lot of fun, so I greatly enjoyed that as well.

So now what for the summer? Now with all the craziness of the first month and a half of May and June are over and now it's time to enjoy/make these 2 months count. I am going to continue working at my new job I got in March here at Ball State as well take my 2 online classes and then of course move end of July but other than those things I am pretty free and it's time to get serious about getting back to my goal after a year of not being there. June officially marked a year since my 40lb weight gain back of the weight I had originally lost in the year and a half of my weight loss journey. If you are new to my blog I started a journey in Dec. 2008 that lasted until Jan. 2010 where I lost a total of 171lbs in about 13months. Deff. the best and craziest thing I have done in life and the most rewarding. After that weight loss though my life kind of turned upside down with my parents finalizing their divorce, the loss of my grandfather who was like my father at the time, and the lost relationship of my mom due to her not being a part of the family anymore and away now for some legal trouble she got herself in. Basically all I knew was changed so to say the least for a while my workouts and such were the only thing consistent. Then throw in a couple bad relationships my freshman year at school, moving out on my own for the first time and changing out EVERYTHING and poof you find a few pounds that have crept back in when good old Mr. Comfort Food comes to the rescue. Not to mention a girl who had lost so much weight and really didn't have a good goal plan on how to stay there, it was like ok I have done this and now what do I do!?!?! I have said this before on my blog and will say it the rest of my life, staying at a good weight after a big weight loss is MUCH harder than losing the weight.

That last sentence seems so strange to say right??? But honestly it is and anyone who has battled with weight loss I feel will say the same thing because once you have lost the weight there isn't excitement as you see the numbers continue to go down, your body isn't shirking before your eyes and your clothes aren't changing every couple weeks, it's just you stay there and begin to then pick at your body even more. I can say I was borderline too obsessive about my body after I got down to my goal of 140 to the point where now I look back at pictures and cannot believe how thin I look to myself but at that time I saw nothing but someone who needed to change and perfect even more, in a way I am thankful that gaining back some has made me see how bad I had gotten. While I am all for being 100% clean on eating right and being healthy and calorie counting while losing weight there is a point where it can consume your life and that is no way to live, and I believe fully God woke me up from that because I could have and was making myself very sick and sucking all the joy out of life and not even giving myself a chance to enjoy all the hard work I had accomplished.

So how did the gain happen? Do you just gain 45lbs in a week lol??? NOPE! But it does come on WAY faster than you would think! I did maintain my weight of 140 for about a month and a half so that was all of Feb and March almost but then Easter hit, the meal I finally let myself eat normal which was fine and was not what sabotaged me don't think that! Something about going off my strict calorie counting which had never been above 1200 in a year and a half was freeing yet scary all at once. After that it was like wow I can eat crappy food and still look skinny in the mirror this is SO WEIRD lol! Having never felt that before in my life because I have always been overweight since I was about 10 it was pretty cool. Cool in a sense I could do that but should have stopped at that and gotten right back on track. Well a few weeks go by and it's ok to have some of this with friends on campus, well then of course we need ice cream after for dessert and oh at about 10pm why not make cookies because what else do you do in a dorm then. And basically it became this vicious cycle and I now saw why people call it the freshman 15 in college. Having not lived outside of my home first semester I wasn't around this stuff and didn't see what kids ate and just all the temptations around you of free food at every meeting or every open activity it was crazy! But probably the worst thing and something I will battle the rest of my life was food became my comfort again, it's the silent friend to you when you are stressed, mad, sad, angry, happy, overwhelmed, procrastinating and running from your real problems. Food doesn't ask you to talk, doesn't need you to care and just fills whatever void you are feeling at that moment, and a lot of times during the months of March-June I felt alone and overwhelmed and comfort food was the perfect solution and as I gained the weight it didn't seem so bad because I knew I had once lost 171lbs I could surely lose those 5lbs I gained.

Problem was 5lbs turned to 10lbs, 10lbs turned to 15 then 15 to 20 and boom at my heaviest I was back at 205 and up 65lbs last October and all the sudden that wasn't looking so easy. It is by far the slipperiest slope to be on after you lose weight especially if you have been so restrictive for over a year, you go from nothing to every option in the world, and I think I failed to make a maintenance plan because I was so scared I wasn't ever going to make it there that all needed to focus on was the weight loss and getting to my goal. So advice from that if you are on a weight loss journey now, PLEASE PLAN FOR MAINTENANCE, it will come and when you get there it is different than before and now I see why so many diets and weight loss plans put such an emphasis on helping you get there and stay there. I do think that if life hadn't been so crazy it would have been easier and if someone would have told me that was the circumstances I would be facing after losing all the weight I wouldn't have believed them, but that is life and not an excuse either just part of my story I guess.

Ok if you have bared with me up until now THANK YOU, being gone for 4months has left a lot of things to say lol! SO now that is said what do I do now? Well the stress of classes are gone for now at least, I am enjoying a relaxing summer, I am at the best place I have been with my walk with the Lord and following the will He has for me, and the legal issues and stress are behind me official with my family and mom so I can focus on loving my siblings and Dad right now and get back to my weight of 140lbs. I think a year at maintaining this weight is long enough and I am SO sick of carrying it around and not being the best me I can be. The quote from the beginning of this post is what I want to view my life as and this journey to get back to my goal, and yes I could live life where I am now at this weight and carrying around the extra pounds, I have learned to love myself even here as well, but it's not quite the greatest I could be and is holding me back from completely letting my wings spread and live a fulfilled life. I believe we all are meant for that and any one who has struggled with weight knows that so it's time for me to officially shed that and do it permanently now that I know just how much to appreciate hitting your goal and maintaningThat right there is my plan, and it starts July 6, 2011 in the summer where with no classes and it being summer I will have the best kick start possible and I am excited about that. No more dabbling in the past or beating myself up for the what if's and why did I get here and what happened? It did happen and now it's time for a solution, can't take it back and can't change the past but I can change and plan for a better future :).

I will be posting tonight my food and accountability plan of action and be documenting it all daily on here, thank you to all your faithful supporters for the last 2 years and new followers as well, I wish I could say I have this all down and have all the answers but I don't and I hope this post shows it's a lifelong battle being healthy but I want to be real and transparent about it all in hopes it can help anyone else who is struggling as well. Have a great Wednesday!
~Kassey

Digging Deeper....

2011-03-03T07:17:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes you gotta push past the pain and DIG DEEP inside of you to make it through a workout!"

My inspiration for this post was that exact quote above that I heard while I was watching a DVR recording of the Biggest Loser yesterday on my lunch break and then continually put in my head with a conversation with my best friend and the feeling I felt as I ran the last 2miles of my running for the mini last night at the gym.

I don't know if you guys have been following this recent season of Biggest Loser but I have been on and off or when I can catch an episode on my DVR lol, so far I am 4 episodes behind but hoping to get caught up over my spring break next week because I really want to be ready for the finale when it comes on and also just watching it some days inspires me and I connect so well with some of the players feelings and struggles. That all being said I know some don't like it because it's not realistic and let me tell you having lost over 120lbs at home, it is NOT easy and a ranch would have made it SO much better haha, but for the type of show and what the players are going though I think it has a lot of good elements for people watching and in the end we are all struggling the same.

One of the was Blue Team now part of the Black Team players and biggest guy on the show Arthur made this quote when he was personally interviewed about how he made it on a stair stepper for 10mins. Mind you this guy is over 400lbs and the machine couldn't even almost with stand his weight. Anyways he talked about how he did and what helps him block out the horrible pain and wanting to quit feeling because most times he could only make it 2mins or so. I loved how he said "you have to dig deep inside" meaning the feeling of going inside of yourself to find the strength. That sparked a memory in my mind when I had that Arthur moment when I was on an elliptical at about 250lbs and pushed myself like I never had before and did it for an hour, not just my typical 15-30mins. I believe that day I had really had a stressful time as my parents were going through an ugly divorce and I was just DONE, I wanted to run away from my issues and be done. It was the first time in my journey to my goal that I felt I really, really wanted to turn back to cheeseburgers and food. I remember even thinking, "Why the heck am I going to the gym, when McDonald's sounds SO much!?". None the less I stuck with what my daily routine had been of the gym and drove their and past the food places. Well that day I "dug deep" and found that inner strength and did what I thought at that weight and mental state I was incapable of doing. I just really focused on the stress I was feeling, the anger, the frustration and sadness and just busted it out. I remember on the 30min mark thinking I gotta quit my legs are killing me and that is when the digging deep begins in which I still do today.

I had my friend who is starting who weight loss journey ask me "Kassey how do you go to the gym and push yourself, will I ever get there, and get past the pain and find the pleasure in it like you do?" I wanted to laugh at first because while yes I have found that "runner's high" these days and enjoyment not ever day do I skip to the gym lol and it does cross my mind to take a nap instead but it made me think about that digging deep inside you thing. It did get me to talk about how you I do find that level though of pushing when it seems physically impossible and then the great endorphin filled feeling you get once you do. It's almost an out of body experience because say your running at a 7mph and you are in the last stretch of a 20min run and that last two miles you just wanna quit, or it could be the last set of eight terrible bicycle crunches in a class at your gym where you wanna shoot the instructor for adding eight more, it's those moments where a lot of us quit or want to but where you have to push to inside of yourself and your determination rather than the physical part alone. It's like on the outside your body is SCREAMING for you to PLEASE stop lol but you have to ignore that and think inside of what really counts. It could be thinking of that feeling you know your gonna feel after, a goal, a family member, your kids, your husband, your dreams of finding love whatever it takes, FIND IT! I know as I lost weight one of my biggest concerns was being able to have children because due to the weight my hormones were so off and as are many women who are obese, and I would think when I wanted to quit early in a class or with my trainer that "Kassey is that 2mins worth more than your future with kids someday?". While yes that 2mins isn't probably THAT big, sometimes it takes goals that are that big to cause us to look outside of the physical pain for just a little longer and DIG DEEPER :).

I hope this all makes sense and can be an encouragement to some because we all have the ability to dig deeper and really find that motivator inside of us and be able to push away the sweaty, shaky feelings of our muscles giving in or the pain getting to be too much. I am off to get through another busy day of midterms and life but just finished a great hour of yoga and now on to some running and zumba at the Y :)! Have a great Thursday!

Tipful Tuesday/Something I am pretty excited about!

2011-03-01T20:45:00.000-08:00

So today is Tuesday and the second day of my new challenge and things are going pretty well! Yesterday started out as a struggle a little bit with waking up and feeling sick. I have been battling sinus/strep throat stuff for about a week now and I had thought the antibiotics were working and going well but I guess it's just bringing all the stuff to the surface which stinks but I guess is good and just part of the process.

Ok so what is my tip for this week? It's actually a suggested purchase to be exact and some other tips along the way! Here goes........................

Brita Pitcher ;)!

This has been something I have wanted to buy for quite some time but hadn't gotten around to it. One of my biggest success's in losing weight the first time and getting through the day and cravings and just seeing the numbers go down on the scale was staying hydrated. Some people like to believe it is a myth that by drinking water you lose more but I am a firm believer that is helps a TON! If we looked at the sodium we consume as Americans on a daily basis in comparison to the amount of water we take in and what we need it would be way off. Even if people aren't trying to lose weight we do not get enough water like we should consume on a day to day basis a lot because we are just so busy and don't think about it. The amount for just a normal person to drink to replace the liquids is 2 liters, but the Mayo Clinic online recommend at least 3liters when you are trying to lose weight, then also another cup per 10mins you sweat and lose at the gym! I know so basically somewhere around 90oz a day which is a ton!

Other than having the pitcher to save yourself on having to buy bottled water I got this big Victoria's Secret water bottle, that is 32oz and got the name of "Kassey's Lagoon" as I would tote it around with me everyday full of ice and water to school and work and everywhere really as I lost the weight throughout the year. While it was a little bulky to take class to class, it was great because I would unconsiously drink and drink and feel so much better and almost full in a way because when youa re dehydrated your body often switches that feeling for hunger when it's just water it needs. So while I kept the crazy calorie count down and workout routine I felt good. That all being said I just found my trust water bottle (which isn't the exact one above just a different design I found online but same thing!) and got it and used it today and it felt good to have it back :). Really to me there is no other way than to tote it around and just keep yourself on a steady intake of water, I would say just try it and I think you should see a difference or feel it :).

So I saw this book on Angie Smith's Blog and immediately liked the title and knew I had to check it out but didn't look at the website for a couple days but when I did....I ordered it immediately! I felt like if I could have prayed to God for a book about the two biggest things in my life this would be it! This book looks at Faith and Weightloss in SUCH a cool way and about how their is such a strong spiritual connection to weight loss and filling ourselves with Christ and His love for us and having a daily walk with Him and not relying so much on food to bring that comfort and how when we do our relationship with God totally suffers. I have not mentioned it as much as I should though but I know for a fact I would never had made it through my weight loss journey and still now continue to have the strength to fight the food addiction/urge to turn to food without the strength given to me through God and my faith. I strongly believe we all come into this world with a craving or a thirst and it really comes down to what we will fill it with, food....or a strong faith in our creator....Christ. Anyways ordered this through Amazon and it should fingers crossed....be here tomorrow! I will deff. let you know more of what I think but check out the website too for more info! I think it would be a great Bible Study for women or teens or whatever female age because it's deff. a tough topic and struggle for us! Website by the way is www.madetocrave.org.

Well that's it for me for tonight! Spin tonight took the energy right out of me, but so far this week is going great, even had some sunshine today which was awesome! Until tomorrow!

~Kassandra

So many things going through my mind!!

2011-02-27T21:50:00.000-08:00

Well as I said here comes the post that is way long and over due for me! I am sure by seeing the last one you got the point of what is coming up and the commitment I made that I now have to put my money where my mouth is lol. No more "Eh...I have like 5 months I will be fine and start eventually...." NOPE, it's called I have 10weeks, 70 days and 576hours and that means no time to spare and make excuses. I feel like since I have signed up and known this is a commitment I am making I have remembered it and tried but just not quite fully committed and now is deff. the time. It's kind of like if I don't now it's never going to happen and I feel like I would feel totally terrible obviously if I didn't give it my all! Again I cannot stress enough that it seems far away thinking May just because I have SO many things I have to do before then with school and such but really I know these next two months are gonna fly so it's time.

So not only do I only now have 10 weeks, I also need a new goal to push to and give me the boost to get back to my goal weight. It's hard to admit this and something I hate doing because I like to be the strong person who keeps it together but here goes.....I have lost my moitvation for some time and it's been stinkin HARD to get back on the boat of getting to my lowest weight/goal. It's deff. not something I ever thought I would struggle with because as I was losing the weight and getting down and such it just became a way of life and was so incredible I couldn't ever imagine losing the feeling of wanting to get to my goal and to my smallest but well....a little thing called life kind of got in the way and I think will always do that unless I am fully aware and acknowledging that. Something else I never thought I would say is that maintaining the weight loss is MUCH harder some days that it was to actually lose weight.

It's something that is so hard to explain but those of you who have lost either a big amount or even a small amount and had a long time success it's so hard when you get to that goal to find motivation to stay there because you already conquered it lol! It's like anything else in your life like getting your license or going to your first sleepover, or even your first kiss, things that seem SO big you get there and they are over then boom "What do you do from here!?". That is deff. something I was NOT prepared for and I was not prepared for a life of maintenance. I was SO deprived from so many foods and my old lifestyle and not ready to deal with realizing that yes I had found a solution that lasted for some time BUT....I am still a person who likes to use food as a comfort and that want or need can sneak back at anytime. One hard thing has been knowing people warned me of this but in the moment of losing it was like "Noooo I will never be tempted to go back to old ways or I will just deal with maintence when I get there and I will love being at my goal so much I won't need to prepare!". Well I mean that did work for all of 2 months and if someone would have told me I was going to go through the most stressful year of my life after a week of hitting my goal weight I might of re thought my timing lol! Thank goodness God only knows our future because it would be WAY too scary to handle all at once.

Long story short I not only look at these next ten weeks as preparation for a race, but a way to get back my motivation to live this amazing life of TOTAL health, not just during the week and eat some crap on the weekends, or give into to the college life of junk food around constantly and free food and staying up till 3am till your starving. I have to discover that yes, while I am on my own now and at college I am different and I have to remember how much work it took to get to this place and that God has me this way for a reason and that I gotta chose to live this life of health. My pediatrician who was with me through all the weight issues and loss told me "You know Kassey, we all have things in our lives we have as our life long struggle, and yours happens to be your weight and letting food be a comfort, but that doesn't mean you can't control it or change it, you just need to be aware of it." What he said has stuck with me for years and is something I believe that many of us need to be aware of is that ok, due to stress or life or bad relationships or just our human tendanices we like to turn to food for more than fuel and once you realize that than you can control the situations around you and the way you use food. SO....ALL that being said it's time for me to admit that and come to terms with it and find that motivation again and do this all 100%. Life and it's circumstances are never going to be consistence but I can be for myself and my health and that is exactly what I am going to do :). God gave me the strength to lose 170lbs before I can surely find the strength to get this 40lbs off to my goal.

My goal is to write each day somehow even just a few words on some days but hopefully more. But as of Feb. 28th (because it's past midnight here) I am taking a vow like I did Dec. 11, 2009 to change my life to now get back to that point of ultimate health to conquer another goal that I KNOW I can do and admit that this is all just a learning process and journey that takes time, and expereince to get to what I want :). Thanks for taking this journey with me and reading what I have to say and hopefully it all comes out making sense lol! I am off to bed before class tomorrow but until tomorrow gnight! Tomorrow the tennis shoes hit the treadmill and I am off runnin ;)!

~Kassandra

10 WEEKS....

2011-02-26T21:39:00.000-08:00

10 weeks until............

I lace up my shoes.......

Go down town Indianapolis..............

Go to the starting line with almost 30,000 people........

Get ready........

AND run 13.1 miles!

It's officially time to get my butt in gear no more excuses, the buck stops here lol :). HUGE post to come tomorrow!

Beauty Tips with some Health thrown in :)!

2011-02-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

Well my vow to post daily didn't last real long thanks to classes and life which I am slowly accepting so I apologize but I can't do a thing to change so today it is :)! I had good intentions but as I got into to bed around 1am each night I just could NOT pry open my eyes long enough to log on and blog but the thought was there haha. Anyways today is "Show Us Your Life" day on Kelly's Korner and it's all about Beauty Tips so I figured I would share some of my tips and secrets/ favorites along with a few Health tips since I haven't done my "Tipful Tuesdays" in forever so here goes nothing.......

1. The "Poof"

So my first Beauty Tip/Favorite is the "Poof" although you only see it on "Snooki" these days when it comes to the train wreck show of Jersey Shore I was poofing before Snooki haha. It does get very old having people think I am going to look like her but I mean she just really liked my style right ;)!? Anyways I actually learned how to this style through a blog last year during the fall and it became a favorite of mine, so much that my poof became known as it's own intetity from my friends and family lol. I did begin to really like my hair this way because it gives it body and looks great with a pony tail or down or curled, just makes it look like you took more effort into your hair style and really if using the right kind of spray and bobby pins, says in almost if not all day! Once you get the hang of doing this it becomes really easy and really any kind of good aerosol can hairspray works great even cheap brands like Suave but I really like brand at Wal-Mart called "Freeze It"in the gold sparkly can :).

2. Straightener as a Curler

My Second type goes to using my straightener as a curler or like a curling iron, this is my more recent trick that I learned and took a night of watching many YouTube videos and staying up when I should have been studying lol but I finally got it and in the pics above are the two nights I successfully accomplished this fleet on my very thick and long hair haha. Here is the exact Youtube Curling Video I watched time and time again till midnight haha but got it and again like poofing your hair and getting used to doing it, it becomes much easier once you get the hang of it with your own hair and straightener but once you do it is SO much easier than using a curling iron especially if you have long thick hair, and I seem to see the curls stay longer and together through time and even weather.

3. The "Slide Pony Tail"

I chose this as my last beauty tip because it saves me ALL the time on those I don't have time/didn't have time to shower before class tips haha. I am one of those girly girls who does really like to have my hair down as much as possible and curled and straightened or whatever, but let's face that DOES NOT happen every day especially after a workout when I have a meeting or need to go to the library, or just because I am always running late in life lol, so I have discovered the side pony tail and sometime a poof with it can look better than just pulling it back flat and like you "didn't spend time". Cause I mean really I am not either way but to me the side one just frames your face nicely and you can add a little spray to it and it has a little more effort and works great for just a day you don't care as much :).

So now that beauty is out there my health tip for today is GO TO JAMBA JUICE! Just this week I just discovered this place and LOVE it! We just got one in one of our campus buildings here and it's awesome. It is like a healthier Starbucks, not that Starbucks doesn't have a healthy option there but I mean these are not only low calorie but they are nutritious too so Monday and today consisted of a snack in a form of a smoothie from there :). It was a great appetite suppressant until I could get home and make my lunch at my apartment. What did I get?

Strawberry Nirvana :)

This drink is only 150 calories for the 16oz which was a perfect size for me and tasted awesome! It is made with frozen strawberries, a strawberry juice blend and a banana and ice was so good and tasted very fresh and for a mere 150 calories was worth and about the same calorie wise as a Fiber Bar but lasted longer because it was a drink. Not that I don't like a light frapp every now and again this was great because I got that cold drink craving out of my system but also knew I was getting some healthy parts too with the fruit combined and a serving of that. This was only my second time in there but they had some awesome looking oatmeal and flat breads as well I am gonna look nutrition wise as well, just always exciting knowing there are more and more lower calorie options that taste good you can grab on the go :).

Well that's it for me today and I am so thankful for the wkend! Hope you all are enjoying this week and the wkend to come :D!

~Kassandra

It all Comes Down to the Numbers!

2011-02-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

Well it's now midnight here so I really should be sleeping with an 9am tomorrow in the morning and a library trip before that haha but I promised myself I would blog daily so this one will be short but how I feel tonight!

Lately I have been thinking of ways on how I did fail a little bit once I got to my goal but then didn't stay there and am still working to get back to it and one thing was stop crunching the numbers on my daily calorie intake. For the whole year and a half I was consistently losing weight I tracked every calorie that went into my mouth even the 30 in like a coffee creamer lol. It may seem ridiculous to some but to me it was what had to be done to stay true to my plan and to see success because getting to my heaviest of 309lbs I was lying somewhere to myself so I had to be 100% real and honest. It was tough at first and who really wants to to sit and track every number and it seems to be the issue I hear the most people complain about not having the will or time to do it, and I get that it's SO much easier when you don't and you just simply eat. Well that fails for me and when I simply eat I simply like to forget what I ate and boom I get past where I should be.

I think subconsciously it's easier to do that than to think it out but I have learned I HAVE to calculate all numbers that go into this mouth of mine. So from here on out after reading some other bloggers blogs I will have a daily check in of my calories and also keep track on my handy dandy site www.caloriecount.com and keep it on there because when I do I see my progress the best! It seems like it should be more complex but really it's not even with all the fancy Exercise Science classes I have take they tell you the same thing, it's calories in versus calories out and you gotta do that to see the results. So in the end I am going back to strict counting to get back to my goal by May :). Which I am gonna post more on that as well and my plan of action! So here's to counting and being 100% on track so I can see 100% awesome goals!

Yay for Hump day of Wednesday tomorrow!
~Kassandra

A New Challange!

2011-02-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

I have discovered through out this last two years of losing weight and discovering who I am underneath that I am a VERY competitive person! It's strange because for my years I always stayed back in the low light not really going out on a limb to really push in anything because it was better to stay out than risk getting hurt or not reach my goals. Well GONE are those days lol and here to stay is the me who wants a constant push and I think really everyone needs it so there is always a goal to get to. I think for me that is why it was hard to stay at my goal because for SO long I had pushing to get there once I got there it was like....WHOA what do I do now ya know I? I need something else to go for! That all being said my new challenge came as a Christmas gift this year from my Dad drum roll.............

The Indianapolis Mini Marathon for the 500 Festival!

I never thought in a million years I would sign up or even be excited to run 13.1 miles in one day haha, especially in a large group of people but I wanted it and I asked for it and I received it lol. My Dad surprised me by signing us up and paying the fees and we are now committed to finishing this race in May. I really couldn't be happier to have another goal to achieve and I think something will help push me to get back to my goal weight and continue to fight this journey or health. Like I mentioned it's deff. healthy to have new goals and to keep setting bigger and bigger ones. I have a feeling if this race goes as well as I hope this may become my new hobby and that could be doing mini's and then maybe, just maybe a full marathon one day or a triathlon.

That being said tonight I started training officially now that I am down to about 12wks before the race and I ran 3miles at the YMCA. Although I have had grueling workouts while losing weight and training running was never a consistent part so I am having to learn to love it, to pace myself, to not exert too much energy and to really get my poor shins and knees liking it. Tonight a bag of frozen veges and vege meat served as my ice packs lol :). I know I can do this it's just gonna take a lot, but to be able to say I did it in the end is going to be SO sweet and worth it!

I would totally write more but my eyes are shutting and class calls at 9am tomorrow with Yoga! Thanks for those of you who continue to follow and read this and those who post comments! I am looking forward to updating daily and seeing what comes of all this and being back to blogging.

~Kassandra :)

Changes! But very very good ones on the Horizon for my blog :)

2011-02-06T06:12:00.000-08:00

It has been WAY too long since I have blogged on here and I apologize to any of you who are still my readers lol, and if you not I do not blame you because I have been off in a far land of not blogging! That being said though I am back and back to stay because I realized how much I missed this and the community of people who read it and really just want to document my life as I go through so much in these years of being in college and making some of the biggest choices of my life. I love to read Kelly's Korner and how she says yes I blog for my readers, but I also feel it's for the blogger as well to be able to document the things in your life. To me it's almost like an online scrapbook and a small window into you life and heart and that is what I want mine to be seen as :).

I will deff. still continue to talk a lot about my weight loss for sure because it is such a huge aspect in my life, but as time goes on I am realizing it's not my whole life but yet just a big part of it so that is why the "Change" square in my header got added, because it is an ongoing process of change in my life, getting to new goals, staying at current ones and living a healthy lifestyle while encouraging others to do them same!

My first square in my collage is Faith, and representing my faith in Jesus Christ. That cube is deff. the most important of all because without my faith I am NOTHING. This year I have gone through many trials with family issues, changes, schooling, continuing the weight loss, and without God in all that I would have never made it. This year I believe He pulled me through many things to bring me to Him eve deeper than before, actually WAY deeper than before because I think while I was young and didn't know He was kind of just a figure in my mind not really a God I needed to have a daily personal relationship. I will deff. be posting more on this and the amazing change Christ is doing in my heart and other issues that come up because being a Christian college student can be difficult at times and I am deff. FAR from perfect at it but I am trying and through my struggles I know I will learn more and more :o).

My bottom left square is for family which while it has changed this year as I have lost the relationship with my mom, it has grown a ton because I have been able to become close to my Dad and be the best big sister I can to my SEVEN....yes you read right lol, 7 siblings! Now that I am living on my own and in college the dynamics really have changed and it is harder to be as close but we are all close in a different way and can encourage each other even from a far or not so much in each other's daily lives. They mean the world to me and I love them a lot and know posts will surely come from them :)!

And lastly my final square is about Belief and Hope, and those are two things that are going to cover a wide spectrum of things for my blog, kind of like the "everything else" category haha. I do have meaning in the fact my reason for picking it is because right now at 20 and in college life seems SO uncertain some days, and all I have is Belief in my dreams and Hope in a future that I know God will provide but that I must take the steps towards even when they are uncertain. So this many be Belief in my major(which I am currently maybe possibly changing again lol!) belief in love that some day I will find that prince charming even though at the moment it seems impossible but I KNOW I KNOW haha I am only 20 thankfully ;o). Hope that I will make it through college and get this dream job I have in mind, Hope that I will get back to my goal fully and find a place that I am happy with my body and not always asking for more and seeing the imperfections. And then of course some fun topics like fashion and life and frankly sometimes just what is on my mind.

I have realized this last year I am a very expressive person and love to talk things out so for that reason I decided I need to blog and felt led to do it even just to share a couple things that some people might enjoy and also for the weight loss part too, great accountability and fun to be able to relate with others because as always it's not "diet" but a lifestyle change so it never ever stops! Well I am going to head off here and get ready for church but I hope this post gets read and that this is the beginning of something great on my blog just with some new changes :o).

Happy Sunday!
~Kassandra

10 Stars for Morningstar Farms! And a a Tip for Tuesday!

2010-11-09T10:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever bought a "substitute meat product" or a "healthier version" of one of your favorite things and thought why in the world did I buy that, I would have rather had the calories than have to endure that taste! I know I have in my time of changings to a healthier lifestyle and said those exact things to myself. There are always those moments while I am at the strore and I decide why not go out on a limb, it's for the sake of health right!? Well MorningStar farms was a moment for me about this time last year. I decided as I ate a piece of my vege sausage from them this morning this was today's blog topic and a Tip for Tuesday!
My liking of Morningstar started last year when my uncle from Colorado was in town and brought up Spicy Black Bean burgers and asked if I have ever tried them. He knew I was not really eating red-meat anymore so he thought this might be a good replacement. I was automatically turned off by the idea just because in my head bugers are meat only not beans lol. Well I got gutsy and saw a box of them at Wal-Mart and went for it. Nervoulsy took them home and made them. As I cooked them, which was just in a skillet with a little cooking spray because they are already cooked just frozen, they smelled super good and like a taco lol. I was hmmm ok it spells like Taco's.....I like tacos good! I then did put it on a bun and added some green spicy no calorie salsa :o). I am happy to say I was GREATLY pleased with the taste and pumped about the calorie count as well, only 120calories, a typical frozen burger can be as high as 400 and tons of fat so this was awesome! Not only does it taste well though it is very easy and quick to make and great for when you come home starving and need something quick but more than just a sandwhich.

Above are three of my favorite that they make, the Bean Burgers, the Meatless Starters and the sausage. The meatless starters I just tried about a month ago with my friend Kelli when we made dinner. We wanted to make taco's and taco salad so we chose these instead of using eat and it was amazing! So easy to cook, again just in a skillet, we then added a little bit of low-sodium taco seasoning and boom it was amazing :o). You could use this for nachos,chili, salads, spaghetti sauces and its only 70 calories per serving! The sausage as well makes great breakfast sanwhiches with 80 calorie English Muffins and great with eggs. This company also makes frozen meals that are good as well, my favorite is the Lasanga one.

So today's tip go out on that limb and try this stuff! I am saying this from a former Fatty Meat lover haha and would eat nothing else! These are good and not something you will wonder why you bought it. I know for me they have been a good help to get my meat cravings taken care of but not filled me with fat! Hope everyone is having a good week!

~Kassandra

A Healthy Pick Me Up :)

2010-11-06T17:43:00.000-07:00

So it's the Weekend YAY! I am enjoying mine quite a bit and hoping you all are as well :o)! I love anytime I don't have classes and work and finally some down time. I got to spend some great time with my best friend Heather and her awesome little family who were in town this wkend which was fun, they adopted me for the day and we had a great time! It included some healthy Subway for lunch, some painting at a potery place and a nice skinny latte at a local campus coffee shop MT Cup :). That being said that is where I got my topic today, the pick me up that I love OH so much, coffee and the creative drinks they have created with it, lattes, fraps, cappichino's and MORE!

I was never really a coffee drinker until college but I feel that is the story of a lot of people, you realize on late nights when you are studying or hanging out with friends that it becomes your good friend lol. I used to just be able to drink lattes and frappicinos and the big sugary forms of coffee and back then it was always the "non skinny" or just regular kinds of drinks which I had NO clue what the nutrition content in those where at all and thank goodness I didn't lol! These days though I still love a good latte and frapp but I can just drink a cup of coffee with a tiny bit of splenda and light creamer and like it just as well, and my wallet likes it better as well haha. I personal don't think many people even know what they are getting in a frapp or a regular latte. Many of my friends have been astonished at the nutrition facts in what they have been drinking when I tell them. I am not just picking on Starbucks because I am SURE it's just as bad at local places as well Starbucks is just where I can get the information from lol. Anyways one of the most popular drinks among people at least my age and of course above as well and one of my old favorites was the Java Chip Frappicino!

Nutrition Info:
Calories: 440
Fat: 18g
Carbs: 69g
Sugar: 63g
Which translates to almost 30% of your days worth of fat, and that is just for the person eating the recommended 2000 calories and then the carbs is 24% of what you are supposed to have the whole day! And this is just the Grande or the Medium and many people go for the large which is Starbucks language is venti and that's just super bad news bears lol! Then we get the worst part and that is the sugar which is not even supposed to be in our diet, but what from what I know we are supposed to have 32grams a day and in this there is TWICE that much in one little drink, no wonder non coffee people even like this, there is barely any coffee haha!

An average non-skinny or lite latte is not quite as bad as the frapps but close. For example, a seasonal favorite at the time that just came back for Christmas is the Gingerbread latte, just sounds fun and Christmasy lol! Well it is but it gives you more than a good Christmas gift should and that is 20% of your days worth of fat and 13% of your carbs and 36 grams of sugar, again over the daily amount. While the calories in this is better at 250 it still has it's downfalls and again it is just for the medium or the "grande". I hope I am not ruining any ones recent choice at Starbucks lol because it does sound amazing and I am sure one every Christmas season wouldn't be bad at all! But....many people get these daily if not more than once and have no clue once drink is almost half a meals worth of calories and fat and carbs. I know for me it's easy to think, "It's just a drink, not a meal it doesn't count and can't be that bad".....wrong!

This all being said does this mean I cut Starbucks out all together?!?!?!?! HECK NO! lol! I would probably die haha just kidding, but really.....I even got my boss to start "Frappicino Friday's" at work in the office lol, I NEED my Starbucks it's just all about being informed and making smarter choices! Some of my favorites include:

Light Blended Pumpkin Spice Frappicinos :o)! (While they last at least!)
Nutrition Info: Calories 150 and Fat only 0.5! MUCH BETTER!

Skinny Lattes(Cinnamon Dulce, Vanilla and Hazelnut are my favs!)
Nutrition Info:
Tall is only 90 calories and 0 fat! Grande is only 120 :) and SO good I might add. They make them more healthy by using skim milk which I prefer anyways and then no whip(that can add up 200 calories by the way because they use old fashion real heavy whipping cream!) and then sugar-free syrup to flavor it. I will post a disclaimer on the fact it can take time to get used to the sugar-free syrup because it is not as sweet obviously but can turn some people off quickly who were used to the regular, BUT......I will say keep trying it and you get used to it and now I prefer it and know I am making a smart choice as well and it "picks me up" and makes me feel just as happy!

So here's to a nice weekend pick me up, or a on the way to work trip, in between classes, or just because you want some coffee, HEALTHY treat ;o)!

~Kassandra

So it's really almost been a month!!

2010-11-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

Wow time flys when you having fun? I don't know if that is what I was having while I hadn't updated lol but it was something like that ;o). Last couple weeks have just been crazy busy and then Midterms came and hit as well which practically took over my life for a good two wks! I did survive and did pretty well especially in the Exercise Science one's imagine that lol!? Again I say a lot on here I couldn't be more happy with the Exercise Science major chose. To catch us up to speed I have a few pictures from the last 3wks of what all went on before I get to my other stuff.

(My Best Friend Heather and I on a girl's day at this awesome new coffee shop we got downtown!)

(My "mini me" as some say lol and littest sister Kataryna)

(One of my 5 younger brothers, Kaleb, and my little dog Halloween)

(Kataryna, Mayzie and I)

(my roommate Kendal and I as Greek Goddess's for Halloween)

(The group Navigator's that I am in that I went on a Fall Conference with which was amazing for 3days!)

(Roommates, Sara and Kendal and I on Halloween!)

WHEW! So now that things are all caught up in the picture department for what happened over the last couple weeks I have another topic on my mind.....SKINNY JEANS and fall clothing.

I bring up this topic because it's a new goal of my or one I previously had. I wish I could say on my long break I had like a 10lb weight loss, but with stress, midterms, Halloween and life it didn't happen and also add in a little non determination on my part. I have been doing well this week and have hit a wall where there are no more excuses. The clothes thing comes up because most people wanna get into a new size or some Summer clothes, not me I just wanna get back to my "skinny jeans" and winter clothes from last year when I hit my goal. I look at those jeans longingly and knowing that I am GOING to get in them, and I am GOING to get into those winter clothes cause it's getting kind of cold and I refuse to buy new ones lol.

I know most women all have that one item in their closet that "used" to fit and oh what you would do to get into and get back to it, well this is my item and its gonna be my new mini goal for now. I have decided to take them out of the closet and put in hanging in my room so each day I have to see them as a goal and not to forget them. Leggings and stretch pants are a good friend of mine too, but the LIE, they make you feel like its ok you ate that crap, or that you put on 5lbs because they stretch with you lol! Jeans on the other hand....they do not lie they tell you the cold truth and sometimes it sucks, especially when you sit down or heaven forbid have to take them off to use the restroom lol and you realize how in the world did I get them on in the first place?! Jeans also show me at least where I need to work on leg wise and how I really should hop back on that stair stepper to work on my thighs.

Ok so enough leg bashing I am choosing to not get overwhelmed by this goal but yet to fight extra hard for it. I have to remember you can't change the past but only the future. I have been reminding by this awesome song that I am about to add on here, and think I might do a whole post on but it's called "You are More" and it's all about how you are more than the choices that you make, and the problems and past mistakes, and honestly just a hugely eye opening song. I love it because it reminds me to not be so hard on myself for the past choices or mistakes but yet get up and move on and don't let them define you :o). Anyways like I said I could go on for hours on that song lol, it's by Tenth Avenue North btw! Well I am off to get ready for class, but here is to new goals, skinny jeans, a good workout today and a good day in general!

~Kassandra

"Tipful Tuesday" Write it DOWN! and a New Goal!

2010-10-05T06:29:00.000-07:00

Now that it has been almost two weeks and I apologize I have been a terrible blogger I am back....again lol. Anyways today is Tuesday! Deff. better than a Monday but I would really prefer it to be Friday but oh well, it's time for a tip and it's a tip I am taking in to my own life again just today so I figured why not elaborate on it. As those of you who have read my blog and my story you know the way I lost the weight was to calorie count. I started out at 1500 calories, then bumped it down to 1200 calories after I had lost 75lbs in April of 2009. I decided that for me that was the easiest way and the most dummy proof way for me to see what I was putting into my body. Our bodies are really most simple than we think and losing weight is more simple than we think, it's all just about how many calories we put in versus how many we put out. The reason most Americans are overweight is because we put in WAY too may calories and do WAY too little as far as physical activity goes and then we expect to not see a difference in our bodies.....wrong. While not everyone has to watch their calories because we all know we have that ONE skinny friend who eats like 10,000 a day and has the flat stomach still haha. But most and really even the lucky skinny ones should keep track or have some idea just to keep things like sodium and fat down and protect their mind and heart and body :o).

This all being said I have decided it's time to go back to the numbers for me. It worked once it's gotta work again to get back to my goal of 140 :o). So here is my new friend and tip......

My little friend "The Calorie Journal". Of course I had to get one that was seasonally appropriate and cute and even three-D in person haha but it's great! Inside it has a place to write the date on the top for each day and is wide ruled and lined on the inside to add up everything that goes into my mouth. For me I decided to go back to the 1200 calories because it worked best and will hopefully get me to my new goal that I have set by the time I have set it. I think writing it down, although time consuming at times is one of the best ideas for anyone because you cannot fool yourself then. So many people me being one just go about my day thinking of this is only like 150 calories or this can't be that bad and one thing leads to another and I have no idea where I am at by the end of the day and I am discouraged. I will say as I lost the weight the first time I didn't have to journal a lot by the end or keep the calories written because what I ate became so uniform and the same for me so you kind of just remember in your head, so you may not always have to write it down, but the first couple weeks/months it's great and then you can always go back and tweak your plan a little bit and see what could have messed you up.

And lastly for today my new goal is set to be back at 140 and lose the 40lbs I have regained! Today October 6th is the day the excuses stop, the calories start getting counted again and my goal gets closer and closer! I am hoping by my two year anniversary, Dec. 11,2010 I will be at or darn near close to my goal of 140, this time for life and this time knowing how to maintain it. Each week I am hoping at least a loss of 2lbs will be great and I will surely take more :o). I am driven, pushing forward and not looking back and cannot wait to celebrate as I get there and share it more on here! Hope everyone is enjoying fall and doing well on your plan if your one as well ;o). Have a good Tuesday!
~Kassandra

Workout Wednesday!

2010-09-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

I decided today with a little idea I got from a different blog I cam across on and that is having a workout Wednesday post. It's funny because I was going to blog soon about one of my favorite things to work out on at the gym and then this idea came up and it worked perfectly! A lot of people have also emailed me or asked me what I do at the gym as far as working out goes so this way I can talk about it weekly :o).

Above we have one of my FAVORITE machines at the Y, what I like to call "Stu the Stairstepper" haha. This is almost identical to the one that we have here at our YMCA that I have spent many hours on not because it's fun because it is an amazing workout. I know a lot of people at our Y avoid this and a lot of my friends think I am nuts for even getting near it but it is SO worth you time and a great workout. A lot of the reason's I like it other than the fact it burns mega calories in a short time, but also because it is more intense than the elliptical but not as hard on your knees as running. I know sometimes when you start out int he beginning as a bigger person needing to workout the LAST thing you want to do is go and full out run, and in some cases it might be bad for you body and knees as well. Although I don't have a lot of issues from being so over weight, I do battle with having knee pain and leg pain when I run a lot. It's deff. frustrating because I don't feel that big anymore but still suffer from the affects. None the less the stair stepper doesn't kill your legs but tones and makes you sweat a ton! I did it this past Sunday night for an hour, and in just an hour I burned 800 calories, and while it was tough it wasn't excruciatingly painful where while at times it would have been nice to get off I could push through it and get to an hour.I deff. would say this wins one of my favorite things to do at the gym and if there is one at your gym just give it a try even for like ten minutes!

Along with my strong opinion of the stair master or stepper, I did a little online research on why the stair master is helpful in working out and weight loss! According to the www.livestrong.com website there are some great reasons as to why you should use the stairmaster.

1. Strength benefits, builds up your balance and core, strengthens your calves, hamstrings, quads, gluteal muscles, and builds up lean muscle that then burns fat in your legs, and I mean who DOESN'T like to burn fat from there legs and thighs!

2. Cardiovasular Benefits, the stair stepper is great for cardiovascular exercise due to its ability to raise your heart rate almost immediately. The level you set dictates workout intensity, but even at the lowest levels the heart is definitely getting a workout. Oneshot Fitness, a commercial fitness equipment provider, calls Stairmasters "one of the toughest cardiovascular machines on the globe."

3. Physiological Benefits, it makes it's user work hard hard but not hard on the user physically.

Well that's it for my Workout Wed! At least it's hump day and the week is half over and close to the weekend! Now it's time to find a stair stepper and give it a try ;o)! Off to teach spin though again for me tonight! Have a good night!

~Kassandra

Adapting Healthier Choices in Every Situation.

2010-09-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

It's FINALLY the wkend, YAY! I am deff. ready and happy for a nice relaxing weekend hopefully and of course productive as well. Yesterday after work I went to the gym got a nice hour long workout in with my trainer Jake and really pushed hard. After I got done with the gym, one of my good friend's Kelli came to my apartment to pick me up for what we called " a girl's little escape from life trip" lol. What is that you may ask, well after class and stress of the week we decided a little trip to Indianapolis(the bigger city around here) for a night of shopping and a nice dinner would be just what we needed. We didn't really have a real purpose as to what we were going down to buy, but just having girl time and getting away from campus and classes was very nice :o).

We ended up at this great outdoor mall and enjoying this wonderful fall like night we had. Started out at Sephora my favorite makeup place EVER. We meandered around and got to a cute little gift shop boutique with two of my favorite things, Vera Bradley and Brighton Jewelry, LOVE! With being a college student it doesn't leave much room for those kinds of things in the budget but I did splurge on one charm for my Brighton bracelet :oD. After we got done shopping we were both starving and it was deff. time to eat some dinner. Here at this point comes the reason for this post.....what to do in situations like these when you wanna live a fun life and do the "normal things" but yet be healthy while doing it.

We contemplated where in the world we were going to eat. Thankfully Kelli is health conscious too so it wasn't like we had to battle eachother or not agree. I think that is something that is SO important when you are trying to change your habits and way of living, is to deff. tell your friends be open and ask them to help you as much as they can. It doesn't me they have to change what they do, but just that maybe they can be more considerate to you and also help keep you on track in even the smallest ways. It was surprising to me how open and understanding a lot of friends and family members were when I told them about my change to living and eating healthier, a lot of people even get really excited about it.

We finally chose this neat place called Houlihan's. I was a little nervous because smaller chains don't normally have the calorie count posted and it's almost impossible to find the information online but that is where my point comes in of adapting to that and making it work so that you don't always have to miss out! I knew Kelli really wanted to try it and it did look good, and I was pretty much starved so I agreed. I looked at the menu and began scanning for what I could have. Of course your safe bets at places are always salads, but with caution of course. I am sure many of you have seen where the nutrition broken down on salads and you realize you could have gotten a burger or chicken sandwich or something you would have thought would have been much worse, but by the time they get done loading the salad you would have been about the same haha. Of course the big red flags are "breaded chicken" "creamy ranch or any kind for that matter" even Cesar you have to be careful because it's loaded in carbs,fat and calories! Another couple things is obviously bacon, and tons of croutons especially the homemade buttery good fat filled ones lol. Then there are tortilla strips and many other things, and even steak at some places.

With all that being said you have to learn to also let up a little bit and enjoy(which for me is SO much easier said than done lol). Sometimes I get SO anal about my calories I forget to just sit back and enjoy but I did last night and it was good. I knew a side salad is always safe, and a pretty obvious tip would be to get the salad dressing on the side and always like I said stay away from ranch and Cesar and go with the vinaigrette's always a lower fat safe choice ;o). I got a nice side salad with the cheese and croutons and then the balsamic vinaigrette on the side and put only half as much on as they gave me of it all. It's nice to get it and then just kind of decide what you want and don't want on it. It ended up being great and they even had shredded Romain which I LOVE shredded salads over not, not sure why it makes a difference haha but I love it.

The next safe zone bet while eating out at a place you don't know the calories is SOUP! While it may be higher in sodium it's always pretty good in calories. Lower fat kind are always great too but sometimes that's just not an option. Anyways I went for the Homemade Chicken Tortilla soup, with salsa,onions,fresh shredded grilled chicken and a little bit of cheese and tortilla strips on top. It came out with a nice lime in a little cup and was great. They gave it to me when Kelli got her entree' another tip that is great so that way you don't feel left out when they are eating a bigger portion that comes out later. I did take some of the tortilla strips off because I could barely see the soup below haha but it was great! I drank at least 3 glasses of water too to help combat the oncoming sodium haha. Again that is the only cruddy part about soup but you can always balance it out. It was hard to say no to desserts but another tip I do, it tell myself mentally what I have at home that I DO know the calories in and that I WON'T feel guilty about eating. I knew I had yogurt blend light ice cream and a double chocolate vita top at home and that would be so good when we got home in about an hour, I just had to be patient.

All in all it ended up being a successful, fun night and I am deff. learning still throughout this life changing process. Is it hard sometimes, yes at times I wanted to give in but when I got home and knew I still had fun on a girl's night out but also didn't forget my limits and DIDN'T just ruin my hour workout with my trainer, I was a much happy camper and slept well and woke up knowing this was going to be a successful weekend with hopefully a successful weigh-in and results Monday! I guess my moral for this is learn to be able to adapt wherever and remind yourself it is worth it! :o). Hope every is having a great wkend already!
~Kassandra

Denying yourself for the the good of better things!

2010-09-15T18:45:00.000-07:00

FOOD CRAVINGS!

So today as I was thinking hmmm what am I going to blog about it all came to me as I was washing my hands and using the bathroom this morning after I woke up lol, and while I was thinking of what I wanted to eat for breakfast haha. Being on a restricted calorie life-style I tend to go to bed hungy especially when I have burned a lot that night before working out, so it's tough to say no to the late night snack cravings or wanting to wake up and devour like 3 omelets some pancakes and maybe a muffin or two ha! So when I woke up today I was super hungry and wanting something pretty soon after I got out of bed. I posted a LONG time ago how I have an obsession, YES an obsession with Cheddar Chex Mix haha, I could eat it all day and all night and not quite sure why. I will think the company owes me a little something in their profits for all I buy of that stuff. My roommates laugh at my 1/2 cup baggy servings at any time of the day. Anyways I instantly wanted that this morning rather than a healthier good stick with you protein filled breakfast only because it sounded good. I had to literally talk myself through that crazing as I sat and washed my hands. It was a rational conversation with myself in my head of course, so to NOT freak my roommates and "talk to myself" lol. It was "ok yes chex mix, cheesy of course sounds great, but what will it do?". "Well in about 30 or 40 minutes you will be hungry again, not satisfied and it's all carbs so it will not get your body burning!". "Kassey, you just went to the store and you have turkey sausage sandwiches, fiber one cereal, low fat waffles, eggs and all kinds of filling things, EAT THEM!". As simple as that may sound to some to those of us who struggle with eating it's a tough battle and a lot of time taste over smart decisions when it comes to eating wins! We don't mean for it too but our taste buds can do a lot to you, and can really manipulate your way of thinking especially when you add an emotion in like anxiety, or stress or anger or whatever it may be at the time.

I think about how I have been on track here lately and really been more concious of these choices and it really comes down to talking yourself through a craving and making sure you have reasonable goals to get yourself out of that spot. I know for me thinking of my goal weight, a pair of jeans I wanna get back into this fall, or the great feeling I will have after I make that smart choice, can help me talk myself out of the dumb craving. Once I do and about an hour later or even the next day once I fight the late night snack craving I feel SO much better and happier with my choice. So as dumb as you may feel really do talk yourself though it, remind yourself of the big picture and do it as MANY times a day as you need to, whether it's at a work get together, at a school lunch or in the cafeteria like for me in college, or even just in your own kitchen really focus on those goals and how good the right choice will feel in the end :o).

So you may ask what did I chose after washing my hands? The little turkey sausage sandwiches that are full of protein tasty and kept me full and of course at lunch I got my 1/2 cup of chex mix on the side :oD! Hope you all had a great "Hump Day"!

~Kassandra

P.S. As I get back to blogging are there any specefic topics you guys would want to see a post about? Any ideas are great!!

"Tipful Tuesday" :) Plan Ahead!

2010-09-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your awesome comments to my last post!!! It was deff. hard to come back with a gain like that and feel like I have let a lot of people down, including myself. It's a hard pill to swallow for sure but it's one of those things that it just is what it is. I think what my weeks recently finally so successful was just getting back up, NOT looking to the past and the woulda,coulda shoulda's but yet realizing this is where I am, this is what I have to do and it's time to just look forward NOT back, because back gets you no where. All in all that being said weight this week 180 meaning 10lbs down and 10lbs closer to my goal since starting back!!! Deff. SO excited to see the scale going back down and ready to get back to into the 170's now too!!

My tip for the week is deff. plan ahead and do it even when it doesn't seem nessacary. The quote my grandmother and I am sure many other's use is "When you fail to plan, you plan to fail". I have to realization now that obviously food tempation is NEVER going to not be an issue with me. Doesn't matter what size or weight I am at, how much work I have done or what goal I want to hit, food will ALWAYS be my comfort mechanism, it's now just about how will I use my disipline and knowledge to let it overtake me. I know that no matter how long I have gone without carbs or chocolate or crap in general it's gonna look good, especially when you through in stress to the mix haha ;). Anyways I had a good test of my dedication already this wkend. Sunday night was my "small group" meeting from my church, basically a Bible study where the congregation is seperated into small groups lol and meets in one of their homes. I knew before hand that their was going to be amazing "church food" the kind that is so bad for you and almost sinful haha kind of an oximoran for sure there! Anyways the meeting was at 6 and I knew that it would be smart to eat before I went even though I was not technially hungry per say. I did eat my dinner and then went over and my plan was genious! I even said no to some amazing looking carrot cake! It was really nice to because it gave me time to be social and talk rather than be so focused on the food aspect. I know that sounds kind of lame or like who would be that distracted but it is hard sometimes when you go to social events with food because you forget your whole purpose lol!

So the moral to my tip is ALWAYS plan when trying to be healthy, that one meal is not worth ruining a good weeks worth of eating. Maybe have a few bites of something but eat before or bring an alternative, don't bring a dingy protein bar because I mean in book a protein bar DOES NOT ammount to anything compared to carrot cake haha, but bring a yummy 100 calorie pack like the new chocolate covered pretzels, SO GOOD btw :)! It was so much more nice to start out this week knowing I did not undo over the weekend the hard work I did during the week and know from here on out it's DOWN on the scale I go :oD!
~Kassandra

Update in Picture Form for now!

2010-08-31T16:20:00.000-07:00

What has happened since March?? Let's just see.....

These are all just pictures of the last couple months all starting from right after I stopped posting. It goes from things such as going to a Spa for spring break with a good friend, hanging out with all my college friends second semester after moving out, reconnecting and spending tons of time with my Dad :o),going to the Indy 500,spending a nature vaca at Turkey Run state park, and then this semester finally getting my own place with my two AMAZING roomies Sara and Kendal. Thought I would do the pictures in a seperate post and my thoughts and update in the next hopefully tonight. Somehow college and homework and blogging don't always mix well lol :o), thank you all for your SWEET comments and I look forward to updating more!

~Kassandra

NEW Beginning, Updates and Coming back to post soon :)

2010-08-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

Hello :).

I have offcially gotten back on here and getting things together to start posting again! Your guys comments and support have been amazing and although my life has changed a lot and been SO busy it is SO worth it to refocus on my health and to refocus on speading my journey and encouraging others and being encouraging by everyone else in the blogging world! I have missed it SO much! I am hoping after today I will have it all put together and be posting reguaraly again!

~Kassandra

I am BACK :)

2010-03-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Down 170lbs :)....newest before and after!

*Busy with classes and the wk before Spring Break now but will post more tonight and I have a LOT to post about on health. Thank you for all your sweet emails and faitful blog readers and comments your the best!

~Kassandra

Sodium the double-edged sword!

2010-01-23T15:30:00.000-08:00

Well I am back after a busy week of school and new sorority stuff and getting used to second semester :). Thank goodness it's getting easier, but its college its supposed to be tough right? I decided that this subject on sodium had been in my mind a lot and really played a big role in my weightloss and over all knowledge I gained while losing weight. I decided to post on it as a friend and I were talking about what to get when we went to a certain restaurant because all of there stuff was filled with sodium it was nuts!

Obviously obesity is HUGE in America and a lot of reason it is due to our portion sizes and just options we have out there, but I truly believe a lot of it has to do with sodium intake, not just fat. Another huge issue in America is heart disease and what causes swelling and pooling of liquid, and high blood pressure and cholosterol..TOO much Salt! The reason for my title is because Salt is a double edged sword when trying to lose weight and to up your exercising. It has deff. been a battle for me from the beginning. I think as Americans we don't realize just how much salt is in a typical meal that we eat, or what all they use it for to preserve all these fine frozen foods we have now, or the "convenient foods" with those LONG shelf lives! Don't feel bad too if you eat a ton or frozen stuff or like the pantry food, cause those were my FAVORITES before lol, Hot Pockets were my best friend, along with anything in a bag or a box, especially Easy Mac and Macaroni n Cheese in general! I had a HUGE problem when I first started dieting on wanting to give up all the little "pantry foods", while yes I was eating lower calorie kind and less fat ones, I was still eating them and too much of those are even a bad thing and as bad as eating the regular. I think this also happens because it's easy to stock up on all that low-fat/100 calorie stuff because in the beginning its hard to count your calories and be sure, but with those it makes you feel safe or something. For me I also found myself eating a lot of fast food in the beginning of my diet as well, even though it was "healthy" calorie counted fast food it was still fast food, so my mom and my trainer had to warn me that yes, your calories are down but your sodium is still up and that can totally affect weightloss. For instance here is the sodium count in a "old me" typical meal I would get at McDonald's and then Chili's two places I loved and went to a lot and thought I wasn't doing "too bad":
Double Cheeseburger: Sodium 1150mgs
Large Fries: 350mgs
Large Diet Coke: 45mgs (so even in my diet coke, not to mention the chemicals in that as well!)
Total:1545mgs

Chili's:
1 Platter of (just) Chicken Crispers: 3010mgs of Sodium!
1 side of French fries: 230mgs
1 side of Ranch dip: 340mgs
Total: 3580!!!

Now after seeing this know that they recommend that you have 1500-2400 milligrams of sodium.....A DAY, not a meal haha and in both of those meals especially the second I was eating at least a days worth if not two!! And here yes I knew the calories and fat were bad but honestly had NO idea about the sodium and what that was doing to me. I had always had swollen ankles in the past and puffiness in my hands but never really thought as to why, but now it makes perfect sense I was a walking salt shaker lol! The problem is though many other people eat these same meals, many fairly "healthy" and thin people, and have no idea what the sodium intake is and what that is doing to our bodies, no wonder heart disease is a top killer here in the U.S.

Now where it becomes a double edged sword for us "dieting" or eating healthy people is when you don't get enough because you cut it too much. Obviously to lose weight you must cut your sodium down quite a bit, and that just happens as you eat the wonderful healthy things God put on this earth, but not enough and too much workout and change to your body it can be bad. It was like when I went low potassium they said I needed to have more sodium to replenish all I was sweating out in the gym which makes sense. The other way sodium can be sneaky is in the "low-fat" stuff or in the healthier frozen meals and such. Although it looks like the right choice always be careful! This goes back to when my friend and I were talking about what to order, we were talking about Panera Bread and how yes they have some great options and low-fat and low-calorie things, they have a horrible time with sodium. Like there soups that are good tasting and low-fat are skyrocketing with over 1000mgs of sodium, so really in the end it almost defeats the fact it's only like 180 calories. Another example are those great Lean Cuisines, yes they are low cal and fat but watch the sodium because it takes a lot to keep chicken good and frozen lol, or things that should be fresh. Don't get me wrong the new Spa Cuisine line they have are totally my new thing, but I just make sure the sodium is like 500mgs or less, because remember while you work out and change your body you still need some :).

Well that's it for today, hope everyone had a great week! I really would like if you guys emailed me some topics on what you think would be interesting for me to blog on, I would love your feedback and to know. Sometimes topics come easily and sometimes they don't, but any questions or topics you feel would be good feel free to let me know soon! Have a great wkend!
~Kassandra

P.S. This totally cracks me up.....

....I mean come on SERIOUSLY, just because you through some nasty not real meat in a wrap it makes it no better and no healthy lol, the tactics they come up with are great! Don't believe the "if it's in a wrap, its healthier", it's NOT lol :).

"Tipful Tuesday" and some other things.....

2010-01-19T05:07:00.000-08:00

SO the three-day weekend is over, and was it good or what lol?? I most deff. needed that extra day off, seeing as though BSU was out for MLK day, and it was lovely for sure lol. This week for me was seriously like a whirlwind with starting school and new classes, and then also starting a new job at the preschool. Don't get me wrong it was a great week but went by SO fast I could barely keep up. I really do love all of my classes and my schedule as well, and my job is amazing, working with the 3 year old's is way too much fun lol! It was tough to stay with it all week, because I was exhausted just from getting back on a good sleeping schedule and still feeling a little cruddy from the low-potassium thing a week ago. It was nice this Friday night not to spend it in the ER lol, and to know I felt a LOT better.

For this Tuesday I decided my tip would be on working out and how even just a little bit can make such a difference. I get a lot of questions on what I do and how long I do it for, so I figured with the new followers from Kelly's Korner(which thank you ALL for your sweet comments to my last post!) I would talk about that. I wish I could say I started out running at 8.0 on the treadmill or that I took spin the whole 13 months lol....but....I deff. didn't. To be real honest the thought of the gym made my stomach physically sick and I REFUSED to go. There are only two gyms here where I live, not counting the one on campus for BSU, but it doesn't leave many options to where people go to work out. It's one or the other, so your bound and deter minded to see at like 2 or 3 people you know, some of which you would rather not see lol. Plus being a 309lb girl who hated to even jog in gym class, I deff. was not looking forward to pushing myself in a gym either. Every time I would start a diet someone would bring up the working out part, and I would think "eh, yeah that will come after about 50lbs and I can do the eating part and for now that is good enough!"....WRONG! I would always start and the eating part was sooo hard because it is hard to detox your body from crap in the beginning, so when I didn't have exercise to turn as motivation it was very easy to turn back to food and quick. I mean a few times I dieted I went to a track and walked, or would pretend to jog around the neighborhood haha, but nothing that really amounted to anything.

Well in the Summer of 2008 I decided enough was enough of these "gym/workout excuses". My faithful and kind neighbor had been bring up joining the YMCA with her for quite sometime, but I would usually just ignore her knowing I did not belong in a gym, nor wanted to be seen there. Well I finally gave in and in August 2008 I went for the first time to our local Y. She somehow talked me into taking a Saturday morning Strength Training class lol. I get in there feeling like a total doof lol, here being 309lbs and in big ugly sweats and already sweating before the class even started haha! All these women around me looked mico and I felt like a giant. I say it this way, not to slam the old me but be to be honest on how it really felt, because I know many others have felt this way too, it's very intimidating at first and just because I am now not that "old me" I don't ever want to forget that feeling and pain of when it all first happens. I did go through with the class and tried my hardest to keep up, I actually surprised myself and did pretty well, it was a lot of push ups, crunches, weights and such but I did ok. My neighbor was super encouraging and actually talked me into trying the elliptical for a while after the class, so we could get some cardio in as well. I at first was totally against it, but once I saw it I figured I would give it a shot. So I did....and some of you might have heard this before but guess what I could do in the beginning....not 2hrs, not 20mins but.....5mins. before I was DEAD tired and out of breath. I was very sad/embarrassed to say the least. I turned to my neighbor and told her I was done and I could do no more. It was hard to see that at 17 years old all I could was 5mins when people twice my age around me were doing 5 times that long. It was a real wake up call to say the least, but it was something that I had to face and see for myself, and realize that I had to be at the gym from now on and that had a LONG way to go!

After that day I decided the Y was going to be my friend, not somewhere I feared. Once I got in there and saw that all these "scary people" I thought I would see or that I thought would look down on me, really did not even care that I was there, I realized it was no big deal at all! The other people in the gym are just as concerned about getting their own workout in rather than looking at me and wondering what I was doing. I also use this saying to when I got nervous of thinking what people would think of me in the gym at my size "I would rather them seeing working out at a Y, than stuffing my face at restaurant.". When I think about that it was SO true, I never used to think twice about going into a Chili's or Applebee's or whatever and going and hogging out, but yet I was going to let that stop me from changing my body and health just because I was nervous of what they think??? I continued to go to the gym at least 3 times a week in the beginning, deff. taking the time though to let my body rest, seeing as though it didn't take much to wear me down. I then got a trainer at the very end of August who started working with me two days a week. I know trainers are not cheap, but they are very worth it if you can get one. Praise the Lord with my families big size we got a discount so it was still pricey but not as bad. We knew that it was my life at stake here so the price was well worth it. It was SO good to have Tricia because she was not only a friend but she pushed me as well and kept me accountable. So accountable that when I kept messing around in October and working out and not eating well that she told me until I got serious she was done working with me. Because as I have said on here my start date was Dec. 11, 2008, so even though I got the ball rolling in August I did not officially get it together until Dec. After she said that I decided to take some time out until I got serious, so that is what I did in December. Once I officially started and got serious I got back in the gym and pushed it like no other. I did things I never thought I could do, and pushed myself to my limits for sure! Tricia helped me weight wise with how to lift and sculpt and then I worked on the cardio thing, going from 5mins to 10mins on the elliptical and all the way until in March when I did an HOUR, which was amazing! I slowly started running but mainly just jogged until the summer of 2009. And then I continued to work with a new trainer in the summer,(I have another post on him somewhere that explains that better) and also learned to like running thanks to him. I then took spin class for the first time in July 2009 and LOVED it and have taken it ever since, again something that takes time to learn to like but it's SO worth it. If you would have asked me if that 309lbs girl last year who could do 5mins on a machine would be taking spin by July, I would have laughed in their face haha!

From telling all of this I hope it shows you, you are NEVER too big, NEVER too weak, and NEVER too inexperienced to get in the gym and get yourself moving. I know it's SO hard in the beginning especially if you have at least 100lbs to lose like I did, it's probably one of the most intimidating things you will do, but its SO worth it in the end. I believe working out was one of the missing links to why my journey to weight loss was never successful. I always tried but it never worked because I was always against working out, so just doing the food part was always going to fail. When I actually had to move myself and see the weight in a different light and see just HOW much it was going to take to get thin, it made me view food a lot differently. It also gave me an outlet for my stress rather than turn to food. I hope that if you are thinking that you are "too big" or "too embarrassed" or "too out of shape" to start working out that you can see by my story it's never too early or too late to start and to work yourself up to a good point. If all you can do it 5mins, then do 5mins, it's 5mins. longer than you did the day before and 5mins. closer to a new healthy you :o). And trust me it get's better just give it some time, I NEVER would have thought I would even like the gym let alone now enjoy going almost everyday, but it happens and when it does it feels great :oD! And deff. don't expect too much out of yourself, just do what you can and you might just be surprised on how tough you really are lol!

Ok, so this is a long post haha, but I have two last things to post on that went on in my life. Last week I decided randomly to "rush" with a good friend of mine for a Sorority here at BSU. I had never thought I would be in one, and really didn't have a huge desire until this semester. I had always had a stereotype in my mind on what they were and what they did but was very surprised as two of my good friends from high school who were already in it, told me how they like it and how it was. I decided I would go for the nights of recruitment with my friend Ali and see what it was like. It ended up being super fun and the girls were great. It was so neat because the first night I got to share my weight loss story with them as my "interesting fact" lol, that got a few jaws to drop haha :o). I got to know the girls better and then by Friday they said they would call us with a "bid phone call". I was SUPER nervous because I knew there were quite a few girls, and that in the Spring time they don't pick near as many as the fall and it's tougher to get a spot. Well Friday came and I was SOO nervous and I waited and waited and finally......at 5:45pm I got my bid call asking if I would like accept a bid from Alpha Phi! I was SOO happy and excited and of course said yes! They came to my house (i live off campus by the way because we are so close to the university) and I got my bid from 4 of my now "new Alpha Phi sister's"! For me this was a HUGE deal, not only because I really wanted this and wanted a way to be more involved on campus but also because this one thing in my life I actually made! With being overweight all throughout high school I got turned down for so many things, teams, plays, speeches and other things, either because of my weight or because of my lack of self-confidence. I also did not go to many dances or put myself in those "out there situations" even thought I longed to because of my self confidence issues. This time thought it was SOO nice to be the real me and to be able to have to confidence to know I could do something if I wanted it and I could bring something to this group and make amazing friends and sisters along the way! I had a great time this weekend with them on Bid Day and just going out and getting to know each other better. It's deff. a huge opportunity to share who I am with these girls and learn neat things about all of them and I am thrilled to be blessed with this opportunity! Here are a few pics from the whole thing:

And.....one last thing! Yesterday/a little bit of this morning I wore a heart monitor that tracks everything I am doing and I push the button for pain, to help find out what is causing the dizziness and chest pains I have had since I went low-potassium. I am deff. hoping this brings some answers and helps us know what to do. It was very interesting take spin in it lol, I looked like a Bionic Women haha, with all these cords and such sticking off me, but they wanted me doing my normal activity so that I did lol! Well that's FINALLY it lol, I hope everyone had a great wkend and is having a good Tuesday!

~Kassandra

There were always be "ups" and "downs"/"Show Us Where You Live Fridays"

2010-01-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

So today is Kelly's Korner "Show Us Where You Live Day" and it is "Workouts, Diets, Weight Loss Plans and Tricks" I HAD to go for this one lol, and have been looking forward to it!

For those of you who are knew to my blog I have lost 166lbs since last Dec. 11,2008. I started that day so it has been about 13months in all. I decided enough was enough and it was time to change! So....what did I do?? First I planned/prayed and thought about it a LOT! I then decided it was time to take care of me rather than worry about everything else in life, and that my health needs to be top priority, especially being 309lbs at the age of 17 years old and having college right around the corner. I did not have any serious illness yet, but I was having breathing issues, just going up stairs at school and also was pre-diabetic and having serious problems with my cycles, due to the weight.

I then on that Tuesday decided that I would go down to 1500 calories. I had been working with a trainer since August but never wanted to do the food part of changing my life, until she told me she was no longer going to help, until I was serious. She she and I talked about the calories and decided 1500 was a good place to start. I did and continued that for a while. I worked with my trainer at least 3 days a week and went in to the gym on my own once or a twice a week as well. I started out slow barely being able to make it to 5 mins on the elpitical but knew it would get better. I got down about 50lbs by March and decided to lower my calories to 1200 and stay there. While it was SOO hard in the beginning I knew this time there were not going to be any exceptions to the rule and that I was NOT going to cheat even just once, because this time it was all or nothing and to this day I have not gone over 1200 calories and DO NOT cheat, because one thing leads to another.

I continued to work with that trainer until she moved in April and then was on my own for a bit. I hit the 100lb mark by the time I graduated in May and felt amazing! By now people barely recognized me, it was amazing and I felt grea too! I continued during the summer, and decided I still needed guidance from a trainer and I got a new one named Ryan, who just happened to be a cutie and in the Air Force, so let just say he was Jillian and Bob from BL all in one lol! Kicked my butt and HARD! He made me like running and made me do things I never dreamed I could push my body to do! I worked with him up until Sept. when he got deployed and I now work on my own with not trainer. Once Ryan left I knew I needed that extra push to get the last 50lbs off so I picked up cycling or "spin". I have been taking it since July and LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I now have actually started subbing as an instructor it is amazing and the best workout aside from running that I get, I do it 4 times a week!

I am now within 13lbs of my goal and have been going through a lot of struggles these last pounds but I know my goal is So close! I have been now sharing my story with many people hoping to really help whoever but especially teens and kids, since that is where I struggled a lot! I was deff. an emotional eater so that has been hard to battle, but working out has become my thing to help get the stress and emotions away, I traded them in lol ;o).

I think my Biggest Tips would be, count calories and WRITE it ALL down, no matter what, especially in the beginning. Losing weight is not rocket science it is purely calories in vs. calories out and once you count them, even if they aren't the healthiest calories or the healthiest foods as long as your under calories you WILL lose. I do think you should eat healthy calories but just really count them!

Tip #2~ Drink lots of water and eat tons of Fiber!! They are the best and totally speed up weight loss for sure!

Tip #3~ Get in the gym and push, push, push, you cannot just do the eating, or just do the working out, it MUST be hand in hand, I learned that the hard many times lol!!

Tip #4~ Look at the deeper reasons as yo why you eat, not just because you like food but the emotional reasons and really find out where they are coming from. I go back to the saying "You must change the way you see before you change the way you look". You have to change your outlook and uses of food before the weight will come off.

Tip#5~ Make it a LIFElong journey, NOT a diet, it is not something temporary, but a way of life to be healthy and live long!! It's not something that ends in 2 months but the rest of your life, we as Americans want to fight that but we must be healthy and stay healthy, make a daily thing to strive for!!

And as far as workouts, running, stair master and SPIN CLASS are my favorites for sure!! Group workouts I totally advise and for me they are great in a class setting, because it drives me to do better, when others are going for the same goal! :).

This was me 2 yrs ago in April 2008 on a vacation where I had NO clue how bad I had gotten!

This is me now, taken last night, at 143lbs SO much happier and healthier than ever! Like I say...it CAN be done! :o)

Well there isn't a ton to report for me today. Today was my weigh-in day and I would be lying to say I was not super nervous about it. For one, I knew there was a chance of weight gain with all the low-potassium stuff and dehydration from last wkend, I knew with all the fluids I was pumped with that my weight would probably go up. Also it is that "wonderful"...NOT lol, week of the month were my weight ALWAYS goes up, so I knew I had two strikes against me, not matter how I ate or worked out. I tried to mentally prepare myself, because being so close to my goal it is hard not to lose or to gain. Well I got up after getting no sleep last night, due to taking some Excedrin for a migraine WAY too late in the day, and I got on the scale and 143lbs pops up...2lbs up from last week. Of course I get the first initial reaction of, "Oh I ate too much, or didn't work out enough", but then I stopped myself....because HELLO I ate 1200 calories and NO more a day and I worked out everyday other than when I was sick, so I covered that base too...so STOP blaming you! I then went back to the real reasons of this week and was ok lol. I mean when I looked up this information last month girls can put up to like 6lbs of fluid during that one week a month, and not to mention on top of it my body had a meltdown last Friday lol, so 2lbs is not too bad at all, if anything it's probably healthy and my body is just regulating back to where it should be. I know that I did all I could to make the right choices and to lose weight so at this point it's in natures hands lol.

I have also had to accept I am still not feeling 100% after this past Friday. I won't lie and say I thought that I would just bounce back afterwords and feel fine and just "pretend" it didn't happen and ignore some of the symptoms I am still having. Well that planned failed and I decided that I had to accept the fact my body is going rough time and it's taking a lot to get back to normal. I think that is how I got in the spot I did last Friday was by NOT listening to my body and pushing it too hard. I am still experiencing a lot of light headedness and weakness and still not feeling 100%, so my doctor has ordered some more tests, some concerning my heart and others my blood sugar in case I am going to low. They also found my anemia level is down and I am "technically" anemic so they are looking into that as well. We hopefully will find answers and soon because it is getting hard to make it through day to day things and feel weak and tired all the time.

I think my lesson I learned this week, that while I have made it through a LOT of the hardship of changing myself and my life and that a lot of problems and issues are solved, that new ones will still continue to arise and that I need to be prepared to not be able to control them all. Being in control of my health now is amazing and something I love, but it cannot be something I take for granted and that I need to realize there are always going to be "ups" and "downs" and I need to roll with them and also persevere through them and continue on this road to total health. I am so thankful for my progress so far and cannot wait to continue to make it to goal and to also live a long healthy life maintaining all the work I have done :o). I hope you all had a great week and have a good weekend, I don't about all of you but I get a 3 day wkend because of MLK day and I am very stoked and it is VERY much needed lol :o). I had a great week of classes, and also working at my new job but it was deff. tiring so some nice realization will be nice. Oh! And today I believe I will final get my Vera Bradley I have wanted, but now I have a problem.....the SPRING colors are out and I might have to go with one of those lol! Here is my favorite one so far...what do you think???

~Kassandra

What/Who is your weight affecting other than the numbers on the scale??

2010-01-14T07:46:00.000-08:00

So when being overweight and realizing you could "lose a few pounds" the first thing that probably comes to your mind is the actual number you weigh and what comes up on the scale. Whenever my weight was brought up I would automatically think "Man I am in the 300's already, wonder if it is 305 or 310 today, I HAVE to do something about that!". While the number on the scale is a HUGE issue and is not good if it is above what the charts tell you, it is really the smallest downside to being "obese" or "overweight" and honestly it is the simplest part to change while changing your life and getting healthy.

As I was watched Biggest Loser this week this topic really hit me in between the eyes and I felt it was a good thing, we can all relate to. This week on BL in case you didn't watch, Dr. H was back on there (the doctor that is on the show every year) and he presented each team with a sort of uncomfortable challenge, something that really put the weight issues in their face. They were all very neat, and eye opening but the one that really caught my attention was the purple team's moment, where they opened up their challenge envelope and saw that they would have to see what their family thinks about their weight, and how their weight does not just affect them, both others around them. They then had to watch a video of their, husband/dad and daughter/sister (this is a mother/daughter team by the way) talk about how worried they are for their family and how much these two women's weight is affecting them as well. They of course then brought up all the typical answers, like dying early and heart disease and just how it worries them day in and day out that this guys daughter could go before him, or this girl's mom could die soon, and it was very emotional.

For me until I lost about 50lbs or so I NEVER realized how many other things my weight affected in my life, other than the number on the scale. I think for me it was such a way of life for so long that I was so used to getting the short end of the stick, and doing without so many things because of my weight, that it almost didn't bother me. It was like the saying "You can't miss what you never had". At times I would think about these things when people would mention them, or I would see things my friends were doing or my family would say something, but it was like I would NOT let my mind go there, because food was more important to me and why think about those things when I am never going to have them.

Obviously one of the biggest ways my weight affected things around me was my family. I have mentioned before but I have 7 siblings underneath me, 2 sisters and 5 brothers, yes....that's a lot lol, but they are all fun and amazing in their own way lol. Anyways with being the oldest whether I like it or not I am the biggest influence on them and their biggest role model. Especially where my sisters are concerned, I hadn't realized how much they looked up to me but now I do. Even my little brother who is 6 who I thought didn't notice a ton, DEFF. notices everything and watches to see what I do. I can't imagine what kind of an example I was showing them before I changed my life. I was showing them that it is ok to eat what you want when you want, and not be healthy at a young age, to sit around and do nothing and be unhappy but be ok with it because you love food too much. I was also helping bring bad options to them, when I would go through a drive through with them in my car, they would then get something, also since I help out with the grocery shopping a lot, I would buy crap for me, and some for them. My brother who is 17months younger than me is very close to me and we would hangout and do what together....EAT, we became each other's eating buddies and he started to have a weight problem as well. So while I was being so selfish to grant my own wants I had no clue what I was doing to my siblings along the way. Now days though they have totally seen a change in me and have picked up some great habits :). I cook a lot for them with loving to cook, and now they love salad and ask me every time to buy it at the store. They have loved some of the ways I have used lighter ingredients and even turkey in their meals. One time we went through a drive-thru to get a drink while we were on a road trip thing and my littlest brother said "You know I am glad we don't eat fast food as much, that fat in those meals are bad for your heart!" lol! And then that went into a conversation on them asking me what the healthiest things were to get at a restaurant and what not, it was SO neat to see at 9,7,6 yrs old, they were all concerned with what is healthy and what is not. They also now like to encourage me when I go to the gym and have actually gone with me a few times and played basketball while I worked out :o). My brother Kameron too has started watching what he eats, and now goes to spin with me which is awesome!

Not only was my family affected but almost everything in my life got better as I changed what I was doing. School obviously got way easier, as I wasn't carrying around an extra 168lbs with me. Sometimes I wonder how I even moved up the stairs last year and around with all that on my body, and it makes me SO grateful my heart was willing to push on through all I put it through. My grades even got better as I lost weight last year, and school seemed to click more, probably because my mind was not in that fat/carb overload feeling I used to be in. I deff. had more energy to focus on school and homework, and not think about my next meal as much as I used to lol. Along with school my social life also got a ton better. I am sure people would think, and it was hard for me not to think it was because I was getting "thinner" but honestly it had a lot to do with me as well. I think when we are overweight our confidence is obviously in the toilet and for me, I almost pushed people away. I know that a lot of people did probably judge me on my weight or chose not to be my friend on that reason, but a lot of times it was me who pushed people away. It all goes back to that saying that if you aren't happy with you, you can't be happy with anyone else. I was so miserable in my own life, and so into food I would push friends and opportunities away to either hide away and eat, or just stay to myself because I felt so uncomfortable, it was like I never even gave it all a chance.

When I started my weight loss, I was very quiet about it all. I knew that in times past when I went and told everyone what I was doing and how that it almost set me up for failure but this time I decided I would let my "actions" speak louder than my "words'! So with not saying much letting people just see that made a huge difference, people just didn't know what to say. It was also neat because I did in probably one of the most peer-pressure environments.....HIGHSCHOOL lol. I mean can you get anymore people watching you/judging you and wondering what is going on??? I am not saying there are not other hard places to be in the eye of others, but here it was tough, and considering for so long I was the quiet girl who didn't say much, people were in shock. I realized as I lost weight that all these people I thought "didn't like me" or were "against me" really just didn't know me and I never gave them the chance, because I was hiding behind my fat suit. So social my life deff. changed and I realize now all that my weight held me back from and that high school could have been so much more fun if I had not let the weight and pain hold me back. I missed out on my junior prom, countless dances, dating, sports, clubs, activities, and basically just being a teen and enjoying school. I say this though and I am ok with missing all of those things, because it made the person I am, and made me more mature and different and I am thankful for that. And without those experiences and what not I would not have this journey or story to tell, and I feel that it is a special calling I was blessed with, so in the end it was all meant to be.

I am sorry this post is SO long lol, but I could go on for hours! I just had never realized just how much my weight affected EVERYTHING around me, not just the numbers but my whole entire life, and just how much better it got once I discovered the new me. The new and amazing opportunities I have now and things I missed out on that are now coming to life, are amazing. This is why losing weight is SO much more than the weight itself, it's the inside stuff and getting your life back once and for all! I hope for you that if you are at that point where I was where you feel like your in so deep it's not worth finding out what you are missing, and it's not worth looking into all the affects of your weight, that you too can make the change to looking at the deeper issues and realize that it is SO much more than the numbers! Realize that life and opportunities that you are missing and people you are affecting as SOO much more worth living for than food! It all goes back to my saying I still love and remember daily, "Nothing tastes as good as I feel" and it's so true when you make those changes and look back you will be amazed at all you were missing, but you will be SO grateful you changed your life when you did :o). So again I leave this post with, who and what is your weight affecting other than the numbers that pop up on a scale, and isn't it about time to make them more important and time to change your life?? I know I never thought I could, but you can and it's worth more than anything!

~Kassandra

"Tipful Tuesdays": Turn your distractions into determination!

2010-01-12T17:43:00.000-08:00

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.”

Emotional eating was something that really contributed to my weight gain over the years, especially the last 6 years before I decided to change my life. I had always used food as comfort but really didn't realize it until I turned 12, and the most traumatic thing in my life (then) happened, my grandmother passed away, who was like a second mom to me. It was very unexpected and very hard on us because it was due to an aneurysm which came out of no where and took a very healthy 70 yr old away in a second. From that day on food became my comfort through a HUGELY tough time. My doctor even says that if you go back to my charts you can see I had a weight issue before but that is when the significant gain started. I can even remember thinking, "wow this food is really making the pain and stress easier, or that it at least makes me "feel" better for a while". It wasn't until then that I made the connection on how much these things in my life that were "emotional distractions" really led me to seek food in the wrong reasons. Before I believe I did it but was too young and unaware to know what I was really doing.

Once my grandmother passed things became more stressful seeing as though that meant we gained my grandfather as part of our family because he could no longer take care of himself on his own. After that my parents marriage began to suffer and I also had to switch schools after being at the same one for 10 years, so those things combined were a HUGE struggle for me to handle. I continued to use these things as reasons to eat, and reasons to seek comfort, probably because I wasn't sure how else I could or should handle them, all I knew was the food would make it go away for a while at least. Things continued to be stressful as my parents marriage officially ended and they split up and we found out my dad was having an affair. Anyways I always knew that these things shouldn't have affected me directly but they did and they caused me to seek quick comfort whether that was a late night snack, a McDonald's run, a second maybe third serving of dinner or a Snickers bar. I knew what I was doing was wrong but it was like I was a hamster on a wheel, and I didn't know how to get off and get off this bad spinning cycle of letting these "distractions" take over my life. I wanted to get away from them SO bad, but the stress was too much and how else was I supposed to handle them???

It wasn't until I decided I was NO longer going to let these "distractions" lead me to make these bad decisions, but yet this time I was going to let them be my fuel to make me more determined and hit my goals. For so long I knew I had what it took in me to lose the weight, but I always let these distractions take me off course and pull me away from what I could do. I then realized one day while on a machine that ya know what those things are going to DRIVE me to change, because they no longer are going to hold me back. One example was a day that my dad after my parents had decided on the divorce, came by our house to start issues with my mom and it really stressed me out and made the day bad. Well I had been dieting for about a month and really getting into working out. With all that was going on that day I was upset and came SO close to wanting to go back to the old me and let this minor distraction take me off course, but instead I thought....NO I am going to drag myself to the gym and work it out there. That day I spent 1 whole hour on the elliptical, which I know isn't that great, but I was still about 270lbs and in the past barely stayed on for more than 10mins, so this was incredible. I just kept thinking as I burned and sweat on the machine, that NO LONGER was my dad and his distractions going to pull me back, or keep me from what I want, but instead I am going to take that stress and anger and use it as fuel to propel myself into what I know is right for ME! SO I did that day, and I almost cried as I stepped off that elliptical knowing that for the FIRST time, this one time "distraction" in my life had turned into "determination" and driven me to do something I had never done.

A lot of dumb distractions worked for me lol, whether it was remembering what a guy had told me once before, like a slam about my weight over a text, or a teacher/coach who told me I was a "nice girl" but couldn't move fast enough and was "too large" for his team. Or if it was a look I received or a comment even from a friend of people who doubted me, rather than let them distract me from what I know I could do I took it and looked at it positively and let it set me on fire, and be my determination to a.) prove them wrong and b.) show myself that I CAN do it! I hope it doesn't sound like I am a bitter person lol, cause I am SO not, but having struggled with my weight for so long and let those things hold me back, it was SO good to finally be able to release them and know that they aren't stopping me but driving me to do better! Even tonight in spin, I had to remind myself of some, as I was SO tired on that bike and really wanting to quit because I had a major headache and was super tired from going all day since about 7am, but I said NO, think of those reasons and those things you want to achieve and go for them and stick with it. I knew if I quit I would feel horrible, so I just fought through and it worked :o).

So my tip for today, don't let those "distractions" in life hold you back from what you want. Whether it be a negative friend or even family member(had a few of those too lol) or a bad situation in life that brings pain or stresses you out, or a job, or school or whatever it may be, don't turn to the plate and fork but take it out in the gym or use it as fuel to make a RIGHT choice and release the pain and benefit yourself in the end ;o). When you let it get to you, you are only letting it hold YOU back and it does not hurt or destroy that distraction but yet it hurts you, so why not release it and feel the benefits yourself??? I still have some things that bring me down, but I feel a whole let better when I let them become my determination and help ME in the end :). So I ask what are your distractions....and isn't it time you let them go and let fire you up to be the best you, you can be! :o)

~Kassandra

PS. Preschool went SUPER well today, I love my little class and they seemed to like me :). I was nervous they would miss their old helper but they seemed to be ok, and one girl even kissed my forehead and said she had missed me haha, even though she just met me :). And the doctor went well and my potassium went a little lower but still good, he will retest me next week after I eat at least 1-2 banana's a day and really watch my potassium ;o).AND.. congrats to my follower MissKate, you were my official 100th follower! Hope you don't mind the shoutout but I was SOOOO excited to see it hit 100 and you were it, and of course I love the other 99 of you JUST as much, you guys are soo sweet and I am SO thankful you all care to follower/read my blog, and also the ones who don't follow but read too, your all SUPER! ;)

"What's in your bowl for Breakfast?"

2010-01-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

As I was eating my bowl of cereal this morning for breakfast, I began to think just how much I LOVE breakfast and look forward to it each morning, and how that DID NOT used to be the case! I know they say breakfast is the most important meal, but back before I got my health in line it totally wasn't for me. I can't tell you how many times I left for school or ran out the door without eating ANYTHING. Why, probably because I was more lazy lol, and because I was always running late and maybe because I was still full from my HUGE evening snack the night before (like o maybe pizza and bread sticks, a grilled cheese, a PB&J or any thing quick and comforting). I am not sure if I mentioned this before but I was a BIG time late eater in my day, I loved to go to bed stuffed and sleep lol, I know gross lol! I sometimes even skipped lunch because I did not like to go down to the cafeteria at school, so I think by skipping those two meals it made me feel better about eating like 10,000 calories in the evening lol, and from what I heard other have tried this too and it is NOT good!

I now realize I was never getting my fire going, or my furnace burning, I was just making it worse and then gorging at night which was even worse because I would sleep and most of it would turn to pure fat. It was just so easy to stay so busy during the day and then hit those lovely drive-thrus around 5 or 6 and continue to graze the rest of the evening. Now days though it's a WHOLE new ball game for me, breakfast has become my favorite meal. I had to really change this though in the beginning because my body was so used to skipping it almost didn't know what to do when I finally ate it, at first it made me kind of sick because my stomach wasn't used to food in it that early. I started out slow and ate some strange things in the beginning, like these Bagelful things that aren't really that healthy but in the beginning when I was just strictly lowering calories and not really focusing on nutrition they hit the spot for about 190 calories, and they got me going. I also turned to Lean Pockets the breakfast ones for like 140, which again aren't horrible in calories and are easy but there are SO many better and healthier things for you to eat out there for breakfast.

Now days it is almost like my body wakes up for breakfast every morning between 7-7:30, it knows it's time and I am HUNGRY to say the least lol. I figured I would go through three of my favorite things for Breakfast these days!

1. Fiber One w/ Almond Milk and 1/2 cup fresh strawberries or frozen work too!

This all together is 150 calories, 1 cup of Fiber One, 1/2 cup Almond milk, and 1/2 cup strawberries, and it is SOO good! I love the Unsweetened Almond Milk in the Vanilla flavor, SO good with the flavor is strawberries :o).

2. 1/4 Cup egg whites or just plan yellow Egg Beaters, and 1 wedge of Laughing Cow Cheese or FF Kraft Cheese Slice, with a La Tortilla Wrap :o).

This combo here, is one I got from Hungry-Girl that is amazing, the egg beaters, and the laughing cow. They are both very good and the tortillas are great as well, and only 80 calories for the whole big thing! So this breakfast is 165 calories and very good and filling as well! I like the Sonoma-Jack cheese wedges as well and they are even less in calories and just as tasty :o).

3. OATMEAL!

I really like this kind the Low-Sugar kind, the only down side it isn't too filling on it's own, so it's good to pair it with some apple slices or some fresh berries. It is only 120 calories and if I eat it on it's own I am pretty hungry by about 9am so I deff. going to pair this with something, but it is amazing :o). I love my cereal and all but sometimes it's nice to switch it up and have something hot in the morning like this, and it's even better with a dash of NO calorie Cinnamon :o).

So I know there are many other good options, these just happen to be three I like. I bought some new FiberOne Pancake mix I am anxious to try because I miss pancakes, and what is better than Fiber AND pancakes lol!

Well I hope you all had a good start to your week and a good Monday :o). My classes went GREAT and I really think I will like them, especially having a hot, young prof. from Iceland lol, not too bad at all! It did make me tired so I took a nice long nap after class which was just what I needed lol ;o). I did go back to spin tonight but for only 45mins and made sure and drank a V8 Low Sodium drink with tons of Potassium and it went well, it was good to be back in the gym but not push it too hard. Tomorrow I will get my results back from today's blood work and be able to meet with my normal doctor so hopefully that goes well :o). I am also very excited because tomorrow is my first officially day working at the preschool with the 3yr old afternoon class, I cannot wait for sure! Have a good night!

~Kassandra

Feeling Better and Getting Back to the "Daily Grind"

2010-01-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

Thank you all SO much for your sweet comments to yesterday's post, they made me feel that much better :o)! It deff. took a lot out of me and I am still very weak and tired today, but I am feeling more like myself for sure. I decided it was "DO NOTHING DAY" lol, and I slept in until 11am haha, haven't done that in a while but it felt great and was what I needed. I started my morning out with a nice bowl of cheerios and banana's VERY full of potassium so that was good, and may I say they were AMAZING :). My sweet mom went and got all kinds of things loaded with potassium for me last night at Meijor, including mini banana's which are almost too cute to eat lol :o). With only 55 calories in them they are great for a quick snack or pick me up, or cut over a nice bowl of cereal or even some low fat ice cream lol ;o). I did get up and showered and just felt better after that, although doing that felt like running a marathon lol. My mom did let me sneak out of the house, with her driving so I could go get my new Vera Bradley for my late bday present, well....they were out so that was a little sad, but I will get it as soon as they order some more :o).

I have been very cautious on my potassium intake, seeing as though they want it to get up a good amount tomorrow when they take my blood work again. When I went into the hospital the level was down to 2.2, anything below 3.5 is bad so that shows how low it got. Before I left they got it up to 4.5 which is average, but they would ideally like it more around 6 at the best. I deff. had never realized how much potassium affects our bodies, and I don't think many people do, especially while dieting and working out. I mean I have seen it on labels but didn't realize the affects it has, and how it is crucial we get it. I know for me and for others it can be easy to turn to the "diet type" foods and the lower the calories the better, rather than the good stuff God gives us. For me I thought I was ok because I ate one little bag of cut up apples and grapes because it was "low in cals" but really it is not enough, and those calories in real fruit are almost negative compared to all the good stuff we get out of it. I know for me I got too consumed with the calories and the numbers rather than my health.

I was talking to my mom and I think that just as easily as we get consumed with over-eating, the opposite can happen with losing weight, and getting too consumed with being low calorie. I think it's such a fine line between not wanting to EVER go back to where I came from but not over analyzing and hurting myself now. I need to remember I am now a different person, and I workout like a different one and function as a different, so I must adjust to that. I think these last couple pounds are going to be the most annoying but I just have to trust they will come off when they do, and over doing it will only hurt me in the end, it's all about finding that balance as well as eating with a balance as well. I think me and everyone need to rely more on the good things of the earth like fruits and veges and such, and I learned my lesson I deff. will! It's easy sometimes to think since I am "healthy" nothing will stop me or that I am all clear from anything, but really God is in control and our bodies are like machines and we have to let them rest and take care of them to the fullest. I deff. think it was my wake-up call to stop worrying so much and just do what I know is right and really take care of what God has given me and just wait for the rest to come :o).

Tomorrow officially starts the second semester of this year for me in college, and I think I am ready :o). I am deff. ready just for normal life to return and to fill my head with knowledge, just not homework haha. I think with as much stress as this Christmas Break brought, it will do me some good to just be back to normal :o). My schedule looks pretty good too, only downer is an 8am class MWF BUT....I am done by 11:50 so it's not all bad. I also officially start my new job at the Pre-K on Tuesday and I am greatly looking forward to that! I hoping after meeting with my doctor tomorrow afternoon I will get the all-clear to head back to the gym, I miss it lol. I just hope by my mistake people can see our bodies are machines and we must take time to rest and listen to them and take care of them. And that it's just about calories on a weight loss journey, but about your health as well. I know I am learning that and this is just a part of my story, another chapter in my life book lol ;o). Thanks again for the encouraging words, and here is to a good Monday for everyone, a good semester to me lol, AND good grades :o).

~Kassandra

Don't Forget the Potassium!

2010-01-09T15:56:00.000-08:00

So I am sure we have all heard of Potassium and how we need it, but if your like me you probably don't think much about it. In my mind it goes, Calories, Fat, then sodium lol and potassium....not so much. Well I now know the importance of it and how much it controls our body with a recent scare I experienced last night around 11:30pm.

Yesterday I woke up and was over the moon about my weight loss and was really sore, but figured o well, it's just from teaching spin and working out twice Thursday. I went about my normal day, and ran some errands with my mom and felt pretty good. My lower back felt pretty sore the more we walked, but it was not unbearable at all. I then came home and got ready and went out with two friends to celebrate our friend Hannah's 19th bday and mine a little late. We went down to Indianapolis to shop and then to a movie. I ate dinner before I left and was feeling a little sick to my stomach but nothing out of the ordinary, figured I just needed to eat or it was the fiber. As we shopped the back pain got a bit worse, but then really intensified during the movie while sitting. On the way home I got a little worried because my back was throbbing by now. I got home and my mom had me take some IB profen which did not help at ALL, and I knew that was not a good sign. I then ate my 100 calorie popcorn snack like always and finally got the pain to settle and I decided it was time to go to bed and sleep it off.

I got to get to bed and about 5 minss after laying down my whole core(stomach and back) started to like contract in these horrible muscle cramps. It felt like a Charlie horse times a million, like when you don't stretch before you run. Anyways I knew something was wrong so I went downstairs and I began to not be able to catch my breathe as well, the pain was taking it away and all of my muscles in my back, chest and stomach, started cramping. My mom and I both knew I was not going to be able to make it to the car to get to the ER so she called 911, which was a good call. By the time they got out there my blood pressure was low and I could hardly speak. They got me in the ambulance( which I hated, I hate being picked at by doctors and all the attention, I am very strong willed and like to fix myself lol) and they got my on oxygen and tried to get an IV in me, which failed like 3 times in there. My veins were very small due to the dehydration. After they got me and got the IV in after over EIGHT trys! My poor arms are black and blue lol, I was NOT a happy camper to say the least! After they did my blood work they found my potassium level was 2.2 and normal is 4.0 so that was WAY low and bad.

Of course with seeing this and these being classics signs of vomiting they assumed I was not eating, which is WAY wrong lol, I was like people I only eat 1200 cals a day, I am SURELY not wasting any of those with puking lol. I then explained my weight loss circumstance, which by the way blew them all away lol, and they seemed to understand way more. The ruled out that this last week I just worked too hard and did not compensate for the output I was doing working out. My uncle said it best "You need to stop treating your body as a 300lb over weight person anymore, but as an athlete with the way you work out and function". I had never thought about that before but it's SO true, with new high levels of output, there must be new high levels of input and putting all the stuff back into my body. Not to mention it takes just a tad out of you to lose that much in a year, it is going to take my heart and organs time to adjust for sure.

So they finally got me in a room at around 7am and pumped me like crazy with Potassium Chloride and fluids and pain meds for the cramping. Which it all makes total sense that it was just like HUGE muscle cramps that night due to the low potassium, my body couldn't do it anymore and I worked my core the hardest so that area suffered the worst. The only down side to getting my potassium back up was the IV fluid of Potassium burns like fire through the drip, when that stuff hit I lost it! I have a very high pain tolerance but this stuff broke me for sure! They kind of forgot to warn me too so when it came it took me back for sure and shocked me! They thankfully got it to the point were they mixed it with my fluids and made it less acidic and less burning in my arm. They knew though that was the quickest way to get my levels up rather than doing it orally. They got my levels up by about 3:00pm today and released me around 3:30 so I am all back to normal now :). It deff. took a lot out of me and I am really weak and sore, but better and feeling better too.

It was hard not to get made at myself because here for so long I could control everything in my body and then this happens and I had no clue it was coming. I had been a little light headed this last week but we thought it was just my heart getting used to me being more active. I guess this happens a lot when athletes really train hard or push themselves and I can deff. say I did that this week, some not on purpose. I am deff. going to have to just start really being careful to watch that if I am putting out hard, I need to put back in hard and watch myself, because I am no longer that 300lbs person but someone who does work out a lot and will require more to keep going. I also need to remember it's not about numbers anymore but about my health, and it is very real that even though I am "healthy" now there are still risks and things I did to my body from when I was overweight and not active. I also need to remember to take it easier on myself and not kill myself trying so hard. This was deff. something not planned and something VERY serious. They told me if my level went down .2 more my heart would have stopped, so it's not something I can take lightly, but I need to remember that it's all still new to me and I need to care for this new body even MORE than before. And also remember that God is still in control and I can't control everything to a fine science in my body, but I do need to listen to it more for sure.

I am now home though and resting for the rest of the weekend and will go back for blood work on Monday. I am hoping to be normal and back in the gym by Tuesday :). So this wkends life lesson, listen to your body and take care of it no matter what .....AND eat your bananas! :o).

~Kassandra

Chances.....

2010-01-08T05:45:00.000-08:00

What are the chances a 309lbs girl would in a year teach spin, what are the chances that same girl would go from a size 28/30 to a 8/10, what are the chances that girl would LOVE going to the Y, when even thinking about it a year ago made her cry, what are the chances that girl would get her own article in the newspaper because she lost over 144lbs in a year, what are the chances that girl could go from SAD and LONELY to HAPPY and CONFIDENT.....experts and studies would say slim to none, I say those chances are possibilities now :o) and defiant ones at that!

The song that plays on my blog when you first get to it is now one of my favorites by "Five For Fighting" and it is called Chances. I had heard it before but I kind of stole it off the new Biggest Loser preview lol. I like the sounds of it, but now even more like the lyrics. It is all about taking a chance, I believe he is taking one on a girl in here, but my chance was a little different. As we all know Dec. 11, 2008 I took a chance, a chance at losing this weight, a chance at getting my life and weight back in check, a chance a new beginning and a better future. As I said above most would have doubted me and a lot did don't worry. But I took that chance and made it a possibility and it worked :o). As the song says "Chances are more than expectations, their possibilities!". I say this because this week I took the one of the biggest chances yet, teaching spin, something as I said below I NEVER would have thought would be possible, a chance I never thought I would get, but I did :). Also today was my weigh-in and guess what.....3lbs down AGAIN! That right there is MORE than a chance, it is something I made happen, but never would have guessed. I did the weigh myself at least 10 times on two different scales to be sure but it was right lol! Chances were though at my weight I should have lost maybe 1lb after having a bigger 3lb loss last week, but it can be proved wrong and I did it!

This showed me there is no magic in life, it's about taking those chances and making them reality and as I keep saying "possibilities". Taking them and running with them and believing they aren't just chances but something you can do if you really try hard! I know sometimes it's SO hard to believe you can really do it, and that this time it will work, or that you could ever have results like other so (like the Biggest Loser), trust me I was there. Day after day trying and trying thinking I could NEVER do it, and that I was just destined to be overweight, and that was my demon in life I was just going to have to live with. But NO, it was all about how I viewed and knowing that I am NOT going to accept it being a "chance" in life, or something that "might" happen but yet an achievable possibility and goal. I go back to my Lance Armstrong saying "Pain is temporary, but quitting lasts forever". I know how tough it gets as your doing it, and I hope to never forget that, but know this hardship and trials especially in the beginning are temporary, and the rewards will be SO much greater! I say this because I know a lot of you might have started New Year's Resolution and this about the time people say "Ok had enough!" lol, but make your different. I say this too because I never and still don't sometimes believe what I did was possible and I always thought it was some distant chance, but you can change that and make it a real possibilities :o).

Along with my weigh-in update today I am doing the "Show Us Where You Live" through Kelly's Korner, and this week it is "New Year's Resolutions". I then realized I never announced mine on here, I just talked about how it isn't weight loss lol. Here are 5 top resolutions for my 2010!

1. Get to my goal (I know I said no weight loss but I KNOW I will hit, but it is still a goal of mine! so now I have officially 11lbs to make it to 130 and have lost 179lbs total!)

2. Share my story with as many people as I can, especially teen girls and kids! (I am not sure how this will all be accomplished, whether it's speaking to girls or people, blogging more and more on here, speaking at my Y, or outreach in my community, but I feel God has given me my journey and success to share it with others, because I know I did nothing special and I did nothing NO ONE else can not do themselves. I feel in America it's time for a huge change and anything I can do to help I am more than willing!)

3. Continue to make good grades and do well as a Freshman in College. ( Even though I would love to travel the world lol, education is important and I am excited to keep learning and one day have an amazing job as a Psychologist or LCSW(Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and help others :o). So I know I need to keep good grades and do well in school!)

4. Wear a cute bathing suit for the FIRST time and feel good in it! ( So this may seem a little dumb for a New Year's Resolution, but going to the pool is a HUGE part of our summer. We go to a local swim club here and swim almost daily and I also work there so I am there a ton. Each year my stomach gets sick about March because I know I have two months to "pretend" to lose like 50lbs lol, and hope I can even find a swimsuit in stores that fits. Two years ago I had to order a 30/32 on line and that barely fit. I always went to the pool too, but felt horrible and hated every minute of it because of my huge body. Nothing is quite as telling as a swimsuit, so this year, NO I am not going for the bikini lol, but a cute tankini I actually LIKE rather than just fit into would be amazing, and also to have confidence in it would be awesome as well!) Here are a few I like so far that are "goal" suits!:

(No I will probably never look like the Victoria's Secret girls, because their bodies are not human lol, but hey ya gotta shoot for the stars right :o)!!!)

5. And lastly, I want to get to know the new me better, grow socially, spiritually, and mentally, because it's all new ground for me! (I know it sounds silly to think I don't know me anymore but really I am a WHOLE new person, inside and out. Mentally I think a lot different, see things different and do them different and feel different too. Spiritually I am having to trust in God more for my strength rather than turn to food. Also socially, life is SO different with people looking up to me, GUYS talking to me lol(a whole other subject haha), now helping friends out and having them look to be for advice, and also just being there to help even strangers, and dealing with the new ways people see the "new me". It is deff. not just you outer body that changes during something like this but the whole you does, and it takes time to adjust for sure, but it's a good adjustment, a VERY good one!)

Well that is is for today, a lot in one post lol! I hope everyone has a great Friday and then a great weekend! I usually don't post this close together so deff. check out the post before this, it's all about my spin class teaching experience :o). I figured with the news of this mornings weigh-in why wait since it was right there and fresh on my mind lol! Have a great day everyone and thank you all for your comments and emails, I love them all!

~Kassandra

Two-a-Days!

2010-01-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

I have always said "Wonder what it is like to do what the Biggest Loser people do and work out twice a day or more?" Hmmm.... well today was the day to find out lol! As I am sure some of you experienced we got a heck of a snow storm here today and it has been steady snowing since like 7am! Me being paranoid like I tend to be I decided well, tomorrow is weigh-in day and I am NOT risking not working out, because I figured by the time I got to spin class tonight the Y might be closed because it was snowing like crazy and the roads were getting bad. Only here in Indiana do we get like 9 inches of snow in Jan. but give it about 5 months and it will be 70 degrees lol! Anyways my neighbor was going to the Y and I decided I would get my workout in now early this morning so I won't miss it tonight, because there was NO way spin was gonna happen.....WRONG!

I get to the Y, and I mention something to a few people who work there, that "yes, I am supposed to teach but it probably won't happen so I came in early". They then looked at me with a "YEAH RIGHT!" look because apparently the Y NEVER closes unless like a state wide emergency is annouced haha! So I decided ok great, I am here and I gotta work out and plan like it won't be happening tonight. So I did my normal 30mins running, 30mins on the stair stepper and burned my normal 600 calories. I then left and proceeded with my day like normal, and did sneak in a little nap, which was good cause I was gonna need it lol!

It continued to snow and snow some more, so much all the schools let out early, but guess what the Y was still going strong lol! So by about 2pm I figure yep, your going to get to go "two a days" as they call it lol, twice in one day! I got up, got my play-list ready quick, put on my new outfit and headed to the Y in the 6-9 inches of snow, thankfully my mom drove me lol. I got there an hour early and had to bring in all the bikes and I decided I would go over the songs and what I would have them do for each. It went well and I just kept waiting for people to show up. Thankfully a die-hard lady who comes every night came and we both figured it was just going to be us. Well we were wrong, all the sudden about 20mins before the class was to start people started trickling in. I was excited and nervous all at once lol! By the time it was time to start the class there were 17 people in there, which was GREAT considering it was blowing snow so hard you could almost not see lol! So I got my microphone on and started the class! See Liz' (the normal) instructor is like a legend there at the Y, EVERYONE loves her class, and it is known to be the "hardcore, intense" one, so I had some big spin shoes to fill lol. Praise the Lord there weren't a lot of new people in there so I could pretty much just start. Everything was going great, we had the lights down, and the fans blowing and the music blaring :o). I made sure it was all fast and good and got everyone into it! I was SO thankful the mic was cooperating with me and everyone could hear me well. It was just so tough at times to talk and spin lol, I am usually just focused on breathing right, not talking too haha! The only malfunction I had was at one point I was so sweaty my fingers got wet and they wouldn't work on my Ipod touch lol, so I was trying to change the song and it got stuck, so there was like 30 secs. of awkward silence, but my friend who was in there said people seemed ok with that because it gave them 30 secs. of rest haha!

Finally after an hour of watching the clock it was done and it was a success! One guy was there for the first time and said he thought I was Liz and I had been doing it all along lol, he said "Ya coulda fooled me lol". So that felt good to know I didn't scream "NEWBIE" lol! It was also such a good feeling to watch people sweat and leave there looking tired lol. I knew then I had done my job! Everyone thanked me and seemed to be happy, and my friend who I know would tell me the 100% truth said it was great and one of the best workouts she had, had! I did catch myself really thinking, "Am I really teaching this right now, or is this a dream lol??". To think last year a spin class seemed like a joke, and now be in the front teaching these in-shape people is NUTS! I cannot express the feeling of going "full circle" at the Y. I do really hope to get my license in this and be certified and have my own class, maybe even by this summer :o). I just felt SO blessed to have the opportunity and can't wait to do it again. It feels good knowing the first time is done and that it went well :o). If anything it taught me don't be afraid of ANYTHING in life, you can do it. I am telling you that the "old me" wouldn't have gone, or even thought of spin, and now I have the confidence and teach it, it still freaks me out to think of the change lol! It was also great too because I got another great workout in and burned another 660 calories, so more than I ate burned total! I can't say going twice a day will happen too much anymore lol, but I do know now I CAN do it, if I really want to! Here are some pictures before I went to teach. I didn't get any in the Y because with the weather being so bad I told my mom not to come in because I didn't know if anyone would even come lol, guess I will have to do that next time!

Well I am off to relax and head to bed early, my body is yelling at me in pain lol! I hope everyone had a great Thursday and that no one is snowed in! I can't tell you how happy I am that the spin is over and went well lol. Just know that anything you want like this for me, you CAN do it, it takes time but it can happen! If you have a dream of something to aspire for that seems impossible make it a goal and achieve it, because there is NO other feeling in the world, than doing something that at one point felt impossible! I can tell you that girl who sat in drive-tru's and hid in her car eating her life away, would have NEVER dreamed of what I did tonight, but that same girl also made the change and did it, I know you can too! Have a great night!

~Kassandra

Blog Awards/Biggest Loser Picks!

2010-01-06T21:39:00.000-08:00

So today I am running WAY late on posting lol, it is now officially only 4mins before midnight here lol and I am JUST now getting to this! Today was super busy and I just have not been online at all. Anyways yesterday I was awarded this amazing blog award by MY BEAUTIFUL LIFE and I am So happy about it! Ironically it's a "happy" blog award too lol :o).

So the rules for this one is you post about 10 things that make you happy and then tag other people's blog who brighten your day :o). So here I go....

1.) SPIN CLASS

*Speaking of which I teach tomorrow AH!!

2.) Working out in general (running,elliptical,stair master you name it :o)!)

3. Vita Tops!

I know I talk about these things WAYY too much lol but I can't help that I LOVE them so much and eat one once a day, they are pretty much life changing lol!

4. My IPOD :), couldn't have lost the weight without it!

5. Chex Mix!! (We all already know my love of this stuff...but seriously it's the best ever and is a daily thing for me lol!)

6. TUNA :)! So yes it may smell but again I eat it like its going out of style lol, it makes a great wrap/sandwhich and is SO good for you and has great Omega-3's in it that are awesome as well! I like the Starkist Gourmet kind with only 60 calories per serving, has the gold label and is VERY good tasting as well! My mom and family joke and say one day I will have a fin after eating so much haha :o).

7. TJ Maxx/Target :). I know who doesn't mind a good bargain right?? And these places make my day and my budget at the same time, especially TJ Maxx, going in there is like a treasure hunt haha and Target, well just going in makes me happy lol!

8. Hungry-Girl.com!

I cannot say enough about this girl, but I love the website and my new cookbook and her recipes, SO awesome! She is on Good Morning America by the way tomorrow so you should deff. check her out ;o).

9. Vera Bradley (So deff. my favorite brand of purses, totes, wallets and EVERYTHING basically lol, so cute and durable and all the patterns I like :o)!)

10.) New Workout Clothes :). (Whether it's shoes, or tops or new leggings to spin in, I LOVE new workout stuff, because when you start spending a lot of time in the gym it becomes important and I mean it makes you feel better too right :o)?)

*I actually have these shox above mine are just sparkly, I am hoping to blog about those shoes because they deff. have a special story :o).*

I hope you enjoyed my 10 make me happy things lol, here are the 5 women I am passing along the happiness to!

1. Christa @ According to Christa :)

2. Michelle @ Secrets Of a Former Fat Girl :)

3. Tiff @ Project 365 :)

4. Britt @ Britt's Beat :)

5. Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's :)

Ok, so last but not least I deff. LOVED Biggest Loser and feel I am going to be way more attached emotionally this season than last. I don't know why but last season it was SO hard for me to get into it and really feel close to anyone, except Shay (I know I am getting close to people I don't even know haha!) For me though I have to say I am going with the "White Team" Michael and his mom, the guy who is the biggest ever and lost the most ever in one week! I think he has a good heart and I wanna see him change especially since he is fairly young! I also like the Pink team a lot with the blond mother daughter. For some reason I relate to the daughter a lot and know she will be so pretty in the end and is even now. I also really liked the two teams that almost went home, I was SO happy when Bob and Jill surprised them and didn't let them go home, they still need to do SO much and going home that early would have been so bad.

Well now that is is WAY late I have to go to bed! Like I mentioned above tomorrow I am supposed to teach my first spin class tomorrow, which I am excited about and nervous about all in one haha! I think I have it all planned and what doesn't happen I will just go with lol. I am deff. going to take pics and blog about it tomorrow, this will truly be an experience I will never forget and deff. NEVER saw myself doing a year ago. This time last year I was lucky to get on a bike let alone teach on one for an hour! Hope you all had a great day :o).

~Kassandra

"TipFULL" Tuesdays! "Drinks,Drinks and MORE Drinks"!

2010-01-05T09:31:00.000-08:00

So I decided to start a new little series or whatever you want to call it on Tuesday's and it will be full of tips, or at least what I think are tips and things I have learned along the way. If your like me I LOVE the "trainer tips" they flash on Biggest Loser each week and a lot of them I get some good info on :o). I am in NO means an expert on any of this stuff as lol, but with losing 165lbs this last year it has brought a lot of things to my mind and has caused me to find newer and different ways to change my life and do things, so I figured why not share. Many people when they talk ask me for "tips" and I have never really sat down and thought of what my tips would consist of but thing one kind of popped into my head this week.

For me I have had to find ways to keep myself full and what not in between meals. I have never been a huge snacker, I am more into bigger meals rather than little snacks. For me I found sometimes I would eat a snack and then that snack would lead me to want more and more food, and it could be a slippery path for me and I could go down easy. It is so nice to just think "O I will eat 1 100 calorie snack, or one Fiber one bar" which for some that totally works, but for me especially in the beginning it would trigger my hunger and then I would want more ya know? I think you just have to find a balance for you and what works best in your plan. I did eat more snacks in the beginning but now I tend to just have 3 meals, usually 150 calories in the morning then 525 each meal or so, give or take. But...I do feel sometimes I need something so something that has totally become my Best Friend thanks to Hungry-Girl, is Sensible Solutions Diet Hot Chocolate.

This stuff is a key ingredient to my every afternoon lol, and has been for about 3 months now. I was a little hesitant to try it cause I figured it wouldn't be that great, but wow it is, or maybe I have just been away from Chocolate that long lol. What I do as well to make it even better is add 2-4 tablespoons of Fat Free Reddi Whip for 5-10 calories and that is AMAZING, another tip from Hungry-Girl. So for a whole coffee cup full with whip cream it's 30-35 calories. I like it as well because the liquid part fills me up and satisfies my sweet craving all at the same time! It has no fat in eat either and very little sugar, but does not lack taste because of those things. I don't know if you have checked but just for a Tall Non Fat Milk Hot Chocolate at Starbucks it 230 calories! I like the sounds of 30-35 WAY better :).

Another form of drink I really enjoy are SoBe Waters and Sparkling waters as well!

SoBe's are great because not only do they taste AWESOME and have 0 calories (in MOST so be careful some do have sugar and calories, but they are pretty well labeled) but they also have good things in them for you, like vitamins a bit of sodium to replace what you sweat off like Gatorade just WAY less lol. They also have antioxidants in them and are all naturally flavored, I mean can you ask for more lol?? A tip I do with these is put them in the freezer for a bit and let them get a little frozen/icy and they taste a lot like a slushy or those slushy drinks from Dairy Queen. These are great when I go out shopping or are running around or with friends while there snacking. I think it's a lot like gum, it's something to with tricking yourself because you are physically putting stuff in your mouth, kind of like when you chewing gum, but your not getting the harmful affects of when your eating, and you deff. not getting the calories either so that is great. For me it takes my mind of off eating and it also has a great taste. My favorite no calorie flavors are the Blueberry Blackberry(tastes like a Blue sucker SO good!) and then the Fuji Apple green one, SO yummy as well and then they have a lot of other great ones too! I have yet to find one I don't like, and they are pretty much sold everywhere and Target has them a lot for 10 for 10 wkly.

I don't know if I have mentioned but I do not drink pop anymore and haven't since last February. I used to be a HUGE Diet Coke person but decided I was giving up other stuff, it had NOTHING good in it and was not good for me despite the no calories. I know for some it works but for me it was just something I needed to part with. I am super sensitive to caffeine as well so that wasn't helping me and then the sodium and bad chemicals weren't great either. I also found it made me crave sugar sometimes more too. Anyways a good friend of ours brought over some all natural sparkling water this past summer (the fizzy kind of like pear or peach flavored stuff). Anyways it was amazing and gave me that same happy feeling pop used expect you got away from the chemicals and sodium and dark coloring :o). I don't drink it a ton but it is SO good to take to movies(shh I know your not supposed to do that haha, thank goodness for BIG purses haha) and I also love a cold one with my 100 calorie popcorn for an evening snack! I really like the Sam's club kind from Wal-Mart and the Market Pantry kind from Target, both are great and they give you that pop feel that you kind of miss if you do away with pop like I did.

Of course with all these drinks I still turn to my Water first hand lol, but it's nice to have variety and keep it different sometimes. I did though have a LONG talk with my doctor about me needing to drink more water with as much as I workout and sweat now, especially with spin. I am now trying to drink at least 64 oz a day or more, so that is a new challenge for me :o). I think often times Americans especially with ALL the sodium in our diet, mistake feeling "hungry" for really being dehydrated and thirsty. I believe there is truth in the more water you drink the less hungry you are, I know for me drinking my water and liquids has helped a ton! Deff. keeps you fuller longer!

Well I hope this helps and makes sense, I am off to get ready and run some errands and then head to the gym :). I am excited tonight because a few friends and I are going down to our best friend's college to visit her because she had to go back a week earlier than we did, so that will be fun! Thanks again for all the birthday wishes it was a very nice day, and I also found my camera right after I posted last night lol, go figure!

~Kassandra

P.S. BIGGEST LOSER TONIGHT!

CANNOT WAIT! :)

So...It's my Birthday! (UPDATED!)

2010-01-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

So Today Jan. 4, 2010 marks my 19th bday!! I am super excited and not sure what today will bring lol because it is kind of a crazy day at our house here with my brothers and sisters going back to school, and my mom starting daycare again, and me going to the doctor at 2pm(I know what a great bday present) haha :). Anyways I do hope to do something fun and just see what today brings for sure! I am going to make either a Hungry-Girl recipe with Vita Tops or one of her cupcake ones, and I will deff. post that later! I will also add to this post later tonight but I thought I would just leave a quick something! Hope you are all having a good day and hopefully I will too :o)!

***UPDATE***

SO WOW, what a day lol! A day filled with fun, laughter, emotions, excitement and amusingness all in one! Today as I said above was my 19th bday, and thank you to those of you who feel I am more mature than 19 lol, I get that a lot actually and sometimes do feel like 30 inside lol ;o), but that's ok, guess just a lot of life experiences lol. Even though I knew today was my birthday last night was kind of a rough night for me. It's days like today and holidays where it seems like emotional stuff comes creeping up on you ya know? It really becomes apparent too with family stuff because you always tend to draw near to your family at a time like this.

For me it was tough thinking about this birthday being the first without my sweet Papou(grandfather). For those of you who just started following me, my grandfather has lived with my family for the last 6 years and was like a father to me and was an amazing man, but passed away this past Dec. 18th after being ill for a while. It was just tough because he made my birthday's seem so special and always made a big deal out of them and made me feel like a princess. I have had him though for 18 birthdays, and each one of those I will be SO grateful for! I know he knows it's my birthday today but instead he is looking down on me and smiling wishing me happy birthday rather than being down here, and I am ok with that :). Another thing that is hard, is not having my own real dad in my life on a day like today. Again if you just started reading my blog, my father left the family a year ago after having a 3 year affair and has nothing to do with me or my siblings, which also had a lot to do with my weight and my journey. Anyways it's days like today where Dad's are supposed to be there and while I don't think about it a lot, it strikes you at times and it hits hard, especially not having my Papou to fill the gap. I do know though I have a heavenly father above who blessed me on my bday and that is VERY awesome!

Aside from all of those emotional things my day started out great from a visit from a wonderful friend Brittney. She was coming by to pick of some clothes and just happened to have birthday hugs and a wonderful card for me as well which made my day, she is a sweetheart for sure. Following that I got at least 60 notifications on facebook full of Happy Birthdays and sweet messages, some from people I hadn't talked to in years! I then went to my Doctor for an app. on something I am going to blog about later this week, who even he gave me a huge birthday hug along with a celebration of a NORMAL BMI and another 10lbs gone since I last saw him in November! I got to stop by the people's house I babysit for an got many birthday hugs and cards from the 4 sweet children I love SO much!

I of course kept up my normal routine and went to spin tonight/ran for a bit but this time it was special because my brother went with me which is AWESOME! My brother underneath me is named Kameron and we are only 17 months apart and super close to say the least, even if we don't always admit it lol! Anyways he has battled with weight on and off, not as bad as I did but he has about 20 or 30lbs to lose and eats pretty bad at times. He has been fighting the urge to come with me to spin and I have asked SO many times, and he finally on his own decided he would go! I was SO excited and he liked it a lot! I made him sit in the front with me lol (he was less than thrilled) but he made it the whole class and tonight it was intense lol! I was so proud of him and he plans to come back with me Wed :o). The gym of course was NUTS with all the New Year's resolutions lol, but hey at least they are starting :o). And to top off the gym day I got to see a friend Courtney who gave me a sweet present as well and even gave me a low calorie treat lol!

After leaving the gym the lady I babysit for who is also a good friend picked me up for a special coffee date at Starbucks. Well little did I know her and my mom planned a little surprise get together with 4 of our other good girlfriends from church. All AMAZING women who I totally love and look up to, and it was great! Me being the ditz I am I was like wow, how strange we are all here at the same time then I was like.....WAIT lol! It was great and they got me some great presents and we had an awesome time! I would totally have pictures by my camera is currently MIA which is making me a little nervous lol, I have to find it!

Probably my favorite thing I received on my bday was this....

I don't if any of you read her blog but I LOVE it and I have wanted this book for some time or since it came out at least and my mom surprised me with it this morning! I love it for sure, and cannot wait to cook some of these amazing things for my family and friends, I love cooking by the way in case I haven't made that clear lol! I am sure you are wondering too what did I eat, CAKE....ICE CREAM....PIE lol?? What does a 1200 calorie girl eat for her bday.....

WITH 1/4 cup Sugar Free Slow Churned Neapolitan Ice Cream..YUM! And of course 4 tablespoons of FREE Cool Whip...double YUM! Probably one of my favorite treats ever and guess what only....170 calories and like 3 grams of fat, O YEAH lol! I could go on for hours on Vitatops and there wondrous goodness lol but wow they are truly amazing and if you haven't tried them yet you totally should! Not to mention with Free Cool Whip that only have 15 calories a tablespoon SO YUMMY! Well I had a wonderful birthday to say the least and feel blessed beyond belief to know I spent it 165lbs light this year and healthy and can hopefully, God willing, look forward to many more HEALTHY bdays! Thank you all for your sweet comments on here or emails or Facebook messages I LOVED them all and each one made me smile and made my day! Have a wonderful evening!

~Kassandra

The New Year as "The New Me"!

2010-01-01T09:50:00.000-08:00

So today is the day...the first day of the new year as the new me! When I really thought about the fact 2009 was really going to be gone, part of me was kind of sad for a minute, because I loved 2009, because I found me...finally! But....then I started thinking, yes 2009 was amazing and sure it was be one of my favorite years aside from the year I marry/have kids/was born lol, BUT...2010 can be even better and is just as exciting because I get to experience it, but as the NEW ME!

I look at that picture of me in the purple shirt and can only smile because even though I was a little nervous at that time when it was taken, I KNEW that some how, some way I would achieve my goal by next year and this WAS my time and there was no stopping it lol. I know for me I have spent countless New Year's making weight loss resolutions, I actually think I have been doing that since I was like 12 lol. I remember one year where I did make that with my brother and we went down and our basement and worked out right then and there for like an hour at midnight lol. Those resolutions always sounded so good until....the next morning and you were starving for breakfast, and you think....uh what resolution lol, and what was I thinking. Or sometimes for me they would last a week or two and I would make baby steps, but the problem was it was "just" a resolution, not a life changing thing, just something I was doing because I should ya know? I think that is why I didn't wait until New Year's last year, just because I had failed so many times at that point, I figured I might as well just have my own day which ended up being Dec. 11th as I am sure you all know lol.

This year's New Year's Eve was So much fun! Every year I would sit there with not many plans, no confidence at all and just wishing I could be that girl who got to go out and have fun, and get all dressed up and look cute. Well this year I was that girl and it was So great! I went one of my best friend's down to Indianapolis to shop for a cute outfit, which was tons of fun because we met another friend Monica down there too. We went to Forever 21 which used to be a store I only bought accessories in and now I can actually fit into the clothes, and even swap them and try stuff on with friends. I remember just standing in the corner waiting for my friends to try all the cute stuff on and just thinking..."Kassey, when is it going to be your turn, when are you going to give up the food?". This time though it was a blast and I got something I a.) wanted to buy and b.) LOVED! We then went back to Hannah's house and spent like 2hrs getting ready lol, and then set off for our first stop my friend's house Liz. We stayed and visited for a while and then went off to some other parties of our friend Monica's. It was just fun to finally be comfortable being me and being happy with me :o).

In case you all are wondering I did not give in to ANY New Year's Eve temptations and let's just say there were TONS lol. I knew that one drink/piece of food could ruin it all and I knew my New Year's Day weigh-in was today! I was a little nervous that staying out late and stuff would mess up my sleep which then messes up my weigh-in, but I figured it's one night. Well even though I went to bed at the wee-hours of the night lol, my body automatically woke at 8:30am or my brain did at least, so I stumbled down to the scale to see the verdict lol. I was expecting a 1-2lbs loss which would have been great. Well..last week I was at 147.8lbs, and then this week guess what pops up......144.8 SO that means 3lbs!!!! I have not had a three pound loss in weeks so I was literally OVER the moon! This included me going out to eat at Chili's with a friend (which I was a tad nervous on the Sodium and Fat) and also being out late and not getting much sleep. I did though REALLY push it in the gym and worked out every day this week besides Friday which was Christmas. I SO wanted to dance and yell when I saw the number lol! It's so crazy and neat to think I am now closer to the 130's than 140's and my goal is just a measly 14lbs away!!

So what are my resolutions for this year?? I will say it's strange not saying to lose weight haha. I mean yes I still have a few pounds to go but those are done deals in my head lol! I KNOW those 14lbs will go so there is no point in making them resolutions. But instead, I want to enjoy the new me this year! I want to do things I always let my weight hold me back from, be more confident, maybe meet a boyfriend haha(that's going to be tough), go out more, enjoy being young and having great friends, and also continue to push myself in the gym and really get myself at the ultimate goal by next year, lean,fit,toned and sculpted lol! Aside from enjoying the new me, I was to spread my story as FAR as I can, and encourage as many other girls as I can and anyone who can benefit from it! I want others to experience a 2009 like I did and change their life and get back in to control. I don't know how my story is going to continue to get out there, or what doors God will open and fate will allow, but I KNOW it an happen and I am willing to do whatever. I feel I was blessed with this experience for a reason and that there is not enough out there to help others, and I know for me sometimes I felt SO alone while doing this, but your not and you can DO IT too! So know that your resolutions aren't just a year thing or something for a couple months, but make them "Life goals" or "Life resolutions" that will change you forever :o). I hope everyone had a great New Year's and I cannot wait to see what 2010 has in store :o)!

~Kassandra

P.S. Today I figured out my BMI for being 5'4 and 144lbs...24.7 and guess what normal weight is 24.9!! I am SOO excited considering I started out around 56 BMI! I also need to change my picture because I am now 165lbs down! :)

Who Would have thought???

2009-12-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

SO this week is FLYING by! I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing haha :), I mean I am glad it's been going but break is flying and second semester is right around the corner for me. I have been really busy these last two days working and then running errands and working my tail off in the gym. It has been so great to have all my family home and also friends who are normally out at college. Sunday night I had a blast with a friend of mine who has been my best friend since 7th grade, Sydney. We went to dinner and then to a movie and saw Sherlock Holm's, which I HIGHLY recommend! I am not usually into those kinds of movies, I am more a chick flick kind of girl lol, but this was awesome and so good! Rachel McAdams is in it and she is deff. on of my favorite actresses for sure and she did a great job :o). It was just neat to get to spend time with my friend and catch up because normally she is 2 hrs away at IU. Here are a few pictures from that night :).

Then last night on Monday night my good friend Hannah, who is home from Purdue went to the gym with me and took spin class with me which was so fun! She loved it! After that we got ready and went out and saw "The Blind Side" which all I can say for that is....AMAZING! I had heard so much but wow, one of those you HAVE TO HAVE TO see! Very neat and very inspiring, especially since I went to an inner-city school where there were TONS of kids like that, that at the time frustrated me because I didn't realize where they had come from, but I know for me I forget not everyone has a nice back round and parents and family that care about you.

Tonight was most deff. a momentous night for me, I got to teach for 10 minutes for the first time in SPIN CLASS! I was just running along on the treadmill before spin class, when my favorite little spin instructor Liz came up and asked me if I would like to do a few songs tonight. I was originally supposed to this last week, but with all that happened with my grandfather I wasn't really in the peppiest mood to teach lol, and for those of you who have taken spin class, you know it takes a TON of pep and energy to teach one and even take it haha. Anyways I said yes, a little doubtful in my head lol. It was really neat though because my mom and brother actually came to the gym with me tonight so I knew they would be able to see me do it, and they had actually never seen the class I take in action before haha. I went into class like always, got my bike up front cause I figure might as well get in the front and get really into it and get the best workout possible lol! Once Liz realizes my mom and brother are there to watch she offered to let me do the first couple songs of the night....NERVE RACKING lol! I was like "Sure.....sounds good!". So I go up put on my little microphone and adjust my bike and hop on in front of like 35 people on bikes lol! One just happened to be a guy I "may have a thing for" haha, I will get into that some other time :). Anyways I was like ok what do I do now haha! I put on a good easy song from Liz's ipod called "Sexy Chick" by Akon haha, I know crazy but ya gotta have some crazy music to spin lol ;). It was a pretty easy song to direct and tell people to go forward and back and forward and back. Well in the very back of the class there is this very animated guy who is yellin and just having a great time lol, and making me laugh the whole time haha! It was nice though because he made it less awkward haha! I then did a climbing song(where we slowly add more and more resistance and then stand and push through it), and then did a Fergie song haha :). It was SO fun and by the third song I didn't want to give the bike back to the real instructor haha! Good news is though I get to teach the class next Thursday while Liz is on vacation!! I am actually meeting with her this Saturday morning and we are going to go over everything and do it and I will have the class to myself this coming Thursday YAY! I deff. think that will give me enough time to prepare and get myself all ready!

I wish I could share the feeling I had while on the bike and after, it was one I have only felt a few times throughout my journey, a feeling that is just out of this world lol. I think the last time I felt it was when I hit the 100lb mark and also when I broke through the wall as far as working out and I did the elliptical for an hour when I was still 250lbs. It's that feeling of pure awe that I was able to do something I NEVER thought I could do! I remember the days of not even thinking of EVER taking a spin/cycling class, because in mind it was just a joke or something I could never make it through and do. I never would have guessed I would one day be in front of a class of people teaching it myself! All the times I have doubted me and not had confidence were blown away tonight as I did something I never in a million years would have done before. Not only could the "old me" not have done it because of my weight but I wouldn't have even gone in the class let alone in front of it because my self-confidence was so low. I remember the days of being nervous to walk into the Y lol! It was so neat though because as I got off the class clapped and told me how great I did and that was SO awesome and made all the nervous feelings go away and made it all worth it :). It is deff. times like this were I look back and think just how far in a year I have come, and it really makes me appreciate what I have done. I know it would seem strange to forget that you lost 162lbs haha, and I do usually remember but it's kind of like with any other big events in life the more time that passes the more you forget what it was like. And I mean I still do a lot, but sometimes it takes moments like this for me to remember where I came from and where I started. I just hope in sharing this, this can inspire anyone to do anything. Don't let anything hold you back from what you want! I never would have thought that this time last year when I had been dieting for about 2 weeks and struggling so hard, that the next year I would be in front of a huge class of cycling people teaching them lol! It all goes back to my favorite saying that "NOTHING tastes as good as I feel!". Tonight's feeling of accomplishment is SO much better than any cheeseburger/pizza can ever give me lol! Well I am off to the shower and to relax tonight :), I hope everyone is having a great week and is ready for New Year's I am SO looking forward to 2010 and seeing what it has in store for me! Oh, and one more thing the new song on here is a new favorite of mine! I kind of stole it from the Biggest Loser previews haha but I loved the words and the song in general and DEFF. cannot wait for next Tuesday and for the new season of BL :o)!

~Kassandra

P.S.! *I almost forgot today is "Wishful Wed" at The Seattle Smith's blog and I deff. didn't want to miss that! Today's topic was ....."What do you Wish Santa would have brought you?" Well for me it would be this:

My inside-out-Vera lol! This is one of the new paterns and I deff. wanted it and especially since you could flip it from one side to the other. But....my birthday just HAPPENS to me Monday Jan. 4th lol, which has always been nice because whatever Santa forgets the birthday fairy brings lol! So....I am crossing my fingers for this one, cause I totally need a new bag and I have been in love with this one since it came out lol! I have the keychain thing and wallet and keep waiting for the bag, so let's hope :). This was deff. a fun topic and I think we all have those things we "wished" we would have gotten, but don't get me wrong Santa was still good to me lol :o).

My Workout Routine

2009-12-28T13:35:00.000-08:00

So I am back after a very long and relaxing weekend which was nice, until today hit and I can say I am getting a little bored lol. I mean don't get me wrong I am so glad to be on break, but I am realizing I am deff. one of those people who likes to be moving constantly and having something to do, even if I complain about it haha :). I like to be busy I guess and today I had NOTHING I HAD to do which is a weird feeling for sure. I am looking SO forward to going to the gym for spin just because I will have to be occupied for an hour doing something haha!

I decided today would be a day to post about my workouts and what exactly I do and have done to get to where I am at. When I asked if anyone had questions this seemed to be the number one lol, and it makes sense because it was a HUGE component in how I lost the weight. For me it was always years and years of "dieting" and never wanting to accept the fact I needed to work out and eat healthy to lose weight, I never wanted to feel the pain of working out. Speaking of pain I saw a great quote on someone's facebook status and it is totally going to be one of my favorites from here on out, "Pain is temporary, but quitting lasts forever" - Lance Armstrong. I have deff. liked Lance before now but now I have even MORE respect for him after getting into spin and cycling myself, what he does and has done is pretty amazing! I thought this quote was so amazing and deff. something I try and remind myself, the pain lasts for just a little bit of time and once you break through it, it feels amazing but quitting does last forever and results in nothing. I deff. think this will be one of those quotes I will keep around for years to remind me to stay with anything in life that is tough :o).

So on to the workouts :). I think I have mentioned before that when I first started I could do hardly anything at the Y. After months and months of begging from a sweet neighbor of mine to go to the Y with her I finally gave in and went and took a strength training class with her, I still take that same one now every Saturday morning. I took that class at over 300lbs and felt SO out of place at first and kind of just wanted to leave. But with the encouragement on my neighbor I just pushed through the 45mins grunting and groaning the whole way lol. After the class my neighbor wanted to get some cardio in and so she convinced me to get on a elliptical for a little while. Mind you I had never done this before and before this walking was about as advanced as I got exercise wise lol. I did it and honestly could only do it for 5 minutes before I was SO out of breath and tired. I decided 5 mins was going to have to be all, and that I did the best I could and I just needed to be happy with that and move on. I can't lie and say I wasn't really depressed as I got off and saw how little I could do and just how far I had to come, but again it goes back to that saying, that feeling of defeat I had was SO temporary but quitting would have lasted forever and I never would have been where I am today.

After that day I worked hard on getting a membership to the Y. A good friend of ours is on the board and she helped the process go a little quicker and she got our family a membership within a week. I was so thankful for her and her encouragement. I decided that first off I needed to get help because with no one with me at the gym I had NO clue how to even begin to get a decent workout, and also not injure myself. So many people have commented on the fact that I haven't hurt myself along the way which is impressive because I know sometimes I didn't always do the smartest things haha. Anyways the Y put with me a really sweet college aged girl who was a senior at the same college I go to now, and she became my trainer :o).

Here is Tricia and I before my Senior Prom back in April.

I know not everyone can get or wants a trainer but God really provided a way for me to get one. With the size of my family/ position my mom is in being single and what not, they had a scholarship program that gave me 70% off training sessions. It was so neat because that same friend I mentioned helped me get this program and I was really happy, and felt that it was totally a huge blessing because otherwise I would not have been able to afford it at all. I started working with Tricia in the summer in August of 2008. We started off slowly, as she set my weights and we worked on this circuit of machines called Cybex machines. I am sure most other workout places have them too, but its like a circle of 12 or 13 machines that you do in order that works all different parts of your body. They are great to start out with because rather than free weights they are more controlled and easier when you are a beginner at working out lol. Again this is where having Tricia was good, because she knew when to increase and decrease my weights so that I would get a good workout, but it would not push me to get hurt. It was also neat to have her track my progress as I could increase my weights, and the positions on the machines. One of the neatest experiences for me was this one leg machine, that works your upper thighs. When I first started doing it I could barely fit into the machine, I had to keep it on the biggest settling to fit my thighs in. By the time April rolled around I could keep it on almost the lowest smallest setting which was so cool! Tricia and I worked them from August to April before she moved and we worked usually 2 to 3 times a week. It was neat because not only was she my trainer but she became a good friend and mentor as well.

Once Tricia left I was a little nervous because I was like "What do I do now, with NO Tricia?!?". I knew I could handle the cardio but the weights stuff scared me. TO be honest the other trainers were a little intimidating because they we all guys and so I was a tad nervous to work with them, because with Tricia it was so comfortable because she was a girl and my friend and understood all the emotional crap that goes with us girls and changing our lives lol. I decided that maybe I would just skip a trainer for a while and do it on my own. I did that for about a month and a half and decided that yes I had hit the 100lbs down mark and I was almost out of the 200's, but I REALLY needed someone to push me to get that next 70lbs off to my goal. It was so hard sometimes having SO much to lose because here I felt wow 100lbs gone that's great, but WAIT..you still have a LONG way to go. Again back to the saying that pain, so temporary, quitting then would have been SO easy but I am SO glad I didn't. I decided one day in June sitting at work I was going to get another trainer even if it meant stepping out of the box with a guy, and let me say I am SO glad I did! I ended up getting put with a guy names Ryan who again went to the same college I did was a med student and a senior. He also was in the Air Force before college and was in incredible shape, and was NOT hard on the eyes at all haha! I just decided if I REALLY wanted to hit goal and make it, I was not going to let my fear of working with a guy scare me, he knew what to and was the best at it and that was all that mattered. We started working and he was GREAT. Totally took away all my fears of working with a guy, he was totally comfortable to work with and even pretty talkative lol. He made it fun and let's just say kicked my butt like NO other!

As great as Tricia was and our relationship was awesome, sometimes we got too caught up in girl talk and being friends that I think I sweet talked her and she forgot to push me as hard haha. With Ryan there was no bull crap allowed, he would say stop the sweet talk and just do what I told you lol. I will be the first to admit I can talk my way through anything lol, I mean I am Greek and we have big mouths and love to talk, so my defense thing is always talk your way out. When I would complain it was "Shut up, don't want to hear it and I KNOW you can do it, so do it!". As hard as that was to swallow sometimes it was what I needed to hear and it got me motivated. I will never forget one of the first workouts I had with him. See with Tricia like I said we typically did the same things and really focused on weights and machines, Ryan had a WHOLE different style. Having that Air Force/military background he was into the more grunt kind of workouts. I go into the normal gym like I always did with Tricia and he says, NOPE we are outside today! I was like uhhhh....what lol??? Seeing as though it's July and like 90 degrees and smart me wears all black, this really sucked haha. I go out and all I see is HUGE tires, a HUGE rope and a stand that looks like they use in the circus. I am started to feel sick now as he tells me what I am to do. First I get to flip 100 and 125lb tires back and forth this field in the back of the Y. After that I get to pull the tire with this huge rope, and then when I complained he threatened to sit on it HA! I would keep repeating I couldn't and he would yell, and guess what I could :o). After all this he had me do this thing that still makes my stomach sick at the thought but he made me start at one end of the field, and I would do 1 push up, then run down to the other end and do 10 flutter kicks( when your on your back hand underneath you and just your legs move up and down like your kicking in the water, REALLY works your lower abs!). Then I would run back and do 2 push-ups then run back, and do 20 flutter kicks, all the way until I did 10 push ups and 100 flutter kicks so all in all I ended up doing something like 80 push ups and over 600 flutter kicks! Once I got done with this workout I wanted to puke, cry and scream all at once haha, thank the Lord he went inside to get water as I talked myself out of bawling haha!

I then continued to work with Ryan until he had to leave for the Air Force this past Sept. He might be coming back sometime in Jan. but with his schedule he has no for idea yet. All I know is I am SO glad I got the guts to work with him because he toned and burned me so HARD that I changed in like 3 months to a new person. It was like I became sculpted not just lost weight it was deff. a huge moment in my journey and I am So thankful for it! I will also never forget when he made me do so many push-ups/ jump up things called "burpies" on this hard pleated floor at the Y that my hands had blisters and broke open and bled and were all nasty and opened for weeks, I won't lie though, having those war wounds was kind of fun to show off lol :o). Since Ryan has left I have not had another trainer, seeing as though many at that time left the Y at the same time Ryan did. I did though pick up spin class the week he left, after he advised me too and that has been my trainer the last three months. It was perfect timing seeing as though I needed that extra push at that time and the class deff. stepped in and did that for me. I am now going to start again working with trainer named Eric, here next week since he has more time in his schedule. I figured I really need someone to help me with the end sculpting part and getting as toned as possible. It's obvious I have the cardio down but the weights are just something you need someone else there for, or at least for me I do. I also think just having that accountability and support these last pounds will be good, plus I have known him forever and I think it will be good.

Ok so last but not least what do I typically do at the gym now??? Well my favorite things are the stair stepper and the treadmill. I HATED, let me repeat HATED to run before I worked with Ryan. The only time I ran was if bear chased after me or someone with a gun haha (not that, that has happened). I always said, NOPE not gonna run now or ever, I can't run I suck at it. Well see with Tricia I sweet talked her into letting me always do the elliptical or stair master, well NOT with Ryan lol, his exact words were "Yes, you will run with me and yes, you will learn to like it and get better at it!". So that I did, even if he only had me do it for 5mins before he really kicked my butt lol, he always made me run and increase my speed, slowly. Let's just say I used to keep it at about 5.4 and want to die lol, now since July I am up to 8.0 and LOVE it! You don't realize how great those runner's high feelings are until you do it, but it's great and such a great release of bad energy and stress! I also love the stair master before in like 30mins I can burn 400 calories and it is great for your butt and thighs haha! I love it too because not many people like it do it's usually always free :). So for now on days I don't have spin I usually do 30mins on the treadmill for about 300 calories and then 30mins on the stair stepper for about 300 calories too. I know they tell you not to pay a ton of attention to the calories and I really don't but I do like to burn like at least 600 because that is half of the 1200 I eat a day, so I sure it's all a mental thing but hey it's working so far haha :o). On days I don't do this I go to spin class for at least an hour sometimes 1hr and 10 or 20 mins, depends how much eariler I get there. The classes are one hour but if you get there early you can spin a little before class starts. I do now to push it a bit go for about 15mins before class and run on the treadmill and burn 200 or so calories and just get a good warm-up and really try and build up my speed and what not on the treadmill. It is deff. true how it takes like 4 months to build up your strength and endurance while running but then only like 2 wks to lose it all! Well I hope this covers most of what I do in the gym, Oh and I do, do some of those Cybex machines after I workout like every other day, because back to back muscle training has the reverse affect because your muscles don't have time to repair. I also take a 45min butt kicking strength training class (of which I am SO sore from this past Saturday's haha) every Saturday that is GREAT, the lady who teaches it might look better than Jillian Michael's lol! I am off to get ready to head to the Y now for a run and spin class with a friend of mine who is in town from college! Hope you all had a wonderful Monday! Until tomorrow!!

~Kassey

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T06:50:00.000-08:00

Well first off, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas as much as I am and having a blast with family and friends :o). I am sorry I did not post yesterday but I figured everyone else was in the same boat I was, LAST MINUTE everything lol! I had to run to the YMCA and sneak in a quick workout before they closed at 1pm, that was hilarious watching everyone run around before the clock struck 1pm haha! Then after that my mom and I made a mad dash around town to do the final shopping. We went from Best Buy, to the Mall, then to Target and felt like we were going 100 miles an hour lol! Straight after that it was time to slam down dinner, then head to our church for the amazing Candle Light Christmas Eve service they do each year, LOVE it! It is always a packed house, which I love then at the end of the service they turn off all lights, and it is all by candle light, talk about beautiful. I feel Christmas just isn't complete until we focus on the REAL reason for the holiday, Jesus :o).

And of course just for fun today was my weigh-in day! I think this was some silly trick to keep me on track, because so far this year my weigh-in days have landed on Thanksgiving AND Christmas haha, no room for cheating on mashed potatoes and Christmas cookies!! I am happy to say I did loose another pound this week, despite all the stress I have been though which is amazing lol! I was just hoping my body wasn't going to freak out and gain, but it didn't, it still pulled through! I deff. will take that 1lb and run with it, literally haha, because at this time in my journey, and with the hormones this week and the stress of losing my grandfather, 1lb is splendid and 1lb closer to my goal of 130 :o). I can officially say I am 147 and 17lbs from my goal! So Merry Christmas to me, with a 1lb loss lol! I will have to say despite all the AMAZING things I got for Christmas the best gift this year is being able to sit here 162lbs smaller than last Christmas and probably gaining at least another 10 or 20 years on my life. As I sat by the tree watching my family open their presents I couldn't not happen to think about that girl who sat by the tree last year, scared and miserable (because at this point it was about 2wks of no "fatty foods" so I was getting a little tired of it all lol). I knew last Christmas I was gonna do this and it was the real changing point, but NEVER would I have dreamed what this Christmas would hold and be :o), but I am SO thankful for it and for all I have been provided with!

As far as the other things, like the presents I am pretty happy! Here are a few things I got I must share!:

The BEST book of all time I have waited and waited for! If you have never looked at her website or books you MUST check them out, they have changed my cooking/eating forever and I am hard to change haha!

Ok so this might be every college kid's dream right here and I never knew it existed until yesterday at Best Buy!! So it is this pen, that is like an ipod literally, it has a camera on it, a recorder and a censor. This nice little video will explain it way better than me haha http://www.livescribe.com/smartpen/videos.html . Basically you don't your PC or computer anymore to take these notes, you take them and it records everything that is being said( deff. learned that is amazing considering some professors talk at like 10 million miles an hour haha!) and the best part is, it remembers when you tap what you wrote, what was being said at that exact time! You can also upload them to any PC, send them to friends, post them on Facebook and store them forever :o). It has a calculator that automatically does things on it, it also has a translator in any language! I guess on review said it is like a computer in a pen, SO crazy cool lol! I saw it yesterday and my mom and I freaked out, and so I kind of knew I was getting it lol, but it is SO awesome and will be SO useful the next 3 and a half years and more!

Then my next favorite thing are my new amazing Nike Flow headphones and arm band to be all official now at the Y lol :o)! I know you don't NEED an armband (but trust me you can only stuff an Ipod touch so many places haha!) but it will be SO nice now that I am really into running and also for spin :o). I also really love these headphones because they stay on with tons of a movement and also sweat resistant, which I deff. need haha!

And of course all the other fun stuff, like the amazing Martha Stewart cooking school book :o), my mom's best friend bought me that and she deff. knows me well lol! Amazing slipper boots I have been eying at Old Navy, Victoria's Secret and all it's fun :o) deff. cannot wait for the Semi-Annual sale! And you can't forget all the fun stocking stuffers, which is funny because my stocking was sure different this year haha, no candy but yet toothbrushes and soaps and sugar free haha :o). And on top of all this I got some amazing gift cards that will make tomorrow's After Christmas Shopping that much better :o)!

This year I really couldn't be more grateful, and feel blessed with all God has given me. Even though deaths, divorce and heart ache God has been there for my family and I, and He has helped me achieve incredible things! If you would have asked me this time last year at Christmas "Kassey, can you believe next Christmas you will be 147lbs and light than you were at age 12??" I would have laughed and said you were nuts haha, but I am SO glad I am and so thankful for my family and friends who helped along the way this year :o).

Well I am off to relax and then of course start making Christmas lunch, and get out the billions of goodies I made last night out for the family, and enjoy this wonderful day! Hope you all do as well and have a blessed Christmas :o).

~Kassandra

Luke 2:9-12

And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. (10) And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. (11) For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. (12) And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”

Every girl needs that "little black dress".....

2009-12-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

First off thank you all so much for your encouraging posts about my grandfather, that means SO much to me! Last night was the viewing and this morning was the funeral, and as I am sure you can all imagine it was very emotionally draining and tiring. For me I believe from last Friday up until last night I was going on shear adrenaline and hadn't even really come to grips to what had happened in my life, and realized what I had lost. My grandfather has been battling with being ill for over eight years, but by the grace of God he always bounced back, so in mind this time seemed no different, it was like he was going to be fine and get over it just like he always had. I think too that even though I knew he was sick and leaving this earth soon, it was not any easier to finally say good-bye. And what I believe is so hard for me is this was not like losing just your typical grandfather, I lost a dad. If you have read my previous posts you will see that my dad is no longer in the picture at all with my family and my grandfather moved in with us and basically filled that role my dad left. He also not only emotionally supported up but financially helped my mom with my siblings and I and made so many things possible. He was amazing, and it's just hitting me today he is not coming back and he is really gone....forever. It worries me because today it seems like how can life go on without him, and what will we do. I have been battling with that all day and very worried, but then this little tug inside me says Kassey, trust in me, the Lord. I know He is there and he is now my earthly and heavenly father but it is hard, and at a time like this the devil is just waiting to snatch me and fill me with doubt so it will be a struggle I am sure for sometime, so prayers are deff. appreciated in that area :).

Even though yesterday was a hard day with everything going on, grade from this semester did come out and guess what...first semester as a college student.....ALL A's and B's YAY! That was a huge bright spot in my day and made me SO happy! I am so glad I worked hard and my work paid off and a whole semester is under my belt and done, even with all the stress of these last 3 months or so.

The reason for my title and picture above is a little story I thought I would share about that "little black dress". As soon as I knew the funeral and what not was coming I knew I had to figure out what to wear. It stinks but you do have to plan that out with funerals and it has to be something nice, and it was deff. not an outfit you wanted to plan and buy but you knew you had to. I of course with going through such a HUGE body change don't have a ton of clothes, because as soon as I buy something it doesn't fit in 2 wks lol. I finally got so sick of buying a pair of jeans every 3wks and wasting money, while it is a great problem to have lol, it is not so fun where your wallet is concerned haha. Anyways I knew I had nothing to wear so I would have to find something. It was also a little important because we were the closest to my grandfather with him living with us and also most of these people I would see had not seen me in years some up to 6 years. Most had not seen me since my weight loss so I knew it was important to look decent. Well I went to one of my FAVORITE stores ever, TJ Maxx, LOVE that place! It is time consuming to find the bargains but they are there and SO worth it! Like I mentioned though I wasn't thrilled to be buying something for a sad occascion like this but I knew my Papou(gpa in Greek) would want me to feel and look nice and it was what I had to do.

I had also not done too much dress shopping since loosing weight so I had no idea size wise where to start. Well I kind of eye balled it and I saw this SUPER cute dress that I loved and I grabbed it. It was a dress I had always dreamed of wearing, pretty, elegant, business like and in a normal size lol. I have always loved the high waisted belted look, but when your SO round you have no waist you tend to shy away from that look lol. So even though it has been in for some time now I stayed way away from it. I have always wanted to wear it though, so when I saw this dress I knew it would be awesome. I tried it on and it fit great and here is the best deal of ALL.....it was $7.00!!! Mind you it was originally 50 so that is a 43 dollar mark down lol! I can barely get a shirt at Wal-mart for that lol! I was so happy and loved it as much as I loved the price so I bought it. And it was deff. the most perfect fit for the occasion! My mom's side of the family is 100% Greek by the way, hence how I have mentioned Papou( gpa in Greek, what we always called my grandfather). His parents were actually immigrants from Greece, which I think is AMAZING! I love being Greek and love the heritage and awesome things it brings. Let's just say my mom's family is just like watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and living it too haha! Her cousins and 3 brothers make almost a Greek mafia lol! Anyways there are a lot of them and they are very full of emotion so seeing them after the weight loss was pretty nuts, some had no idea who I even was. My mom's cousin who is like an uncle to me had not seen me in 6 years and he just kept staring and staring and asking who that was then finally he realized and about lost it lol! He remembered the chubby almost 13 so this almost 19 year old now freaked him out lol! I got so many amazing compliments and hugs and kisses(Greeks are super touchy feely haha) and it was great. As hard as it was to see each other in these circumstances it was neat in the end, and I know Papou was happy to see us all together all 9,000 of us it seemed lol! I am not sure how some of our non-Greek church family and friends thought of it all lol, but they deff. felt the Greek love around haha :o).

My final point I guess is, that dress was like a little present to make this whole situation a little better. It was like that was a special surprise that made it ok, and I know Papou would have been proud, and he always told me how beautiful I was and how "sharp looking" as he would say I was when I would get dressed up, so I was just glad I could make him proud. I still can't say enough how great it was to have him be able to see my weight loss and watch me shrink and encouraging me along the way! It's like when your in charge of your health things in life seem so much easier to handle, because you know you are doing the best you can with what you are given. There are also little rewards along the way that make all the blood, sweat, and tears worth it for sure! Well that is it for today, I am planning on doing an answer post tomorrow for Christmas Eve on some of the questions you guys posted, so I have not forgot lol :). Feel free before tomorrow to send me anymore that you can think of! Enjoy the last minute shopping and get togethers before Christmas and don't eat to many cookies, and remember "Seconds on your lips forever on your hips haha!" :o).

~Kassandra

"Old Me" vs. "New Me" Monday's: Dealing with Stress

2009-12-21T06:47:00.000-08:00

First off thank you all SO much for your sweet comments on my last post, that was SO SO SO sweet! They all meant a ton and made what I was going through a little bit better for sure! Friday night my grandfather did go home to be with the Lord at about 7:20pm, with my mom, uncle, my brother and I all around him. I ended up going back up to the hospital with my brother Kameron around 6:00 and we got there and he was barely hanging on. He could still hear they said because that is the last thing to go. So we talked to him and rubbed his hands and he knew we were there. We then all talked for a while and ate some dinner I had brought up for my mom who had been there all day. About and hour after getting there, it was like he knew we had all seen him, we were all around him, and all at peace and it was time to go, and so he did. It was an amazing thing because for once after being so sick these last couple years, he was peaceful and quiet and best of all in heaven with his sweet wife and family. As hard as it is for us, it did give us relief that he is no longer suffering, but instead this year getting to spend Christmas with his wife and family and best of all Jesus :o). The funeral is going to be Wed. and then the viewing is tomorrow. All of our family is coming in town today and tomorrow so it will be a long couple of days, but we are going to try to make it through and at least we are all hear from the holidays now, maybe that was some secret gift my grandfather gave us :o).

So now for the new me vs. the old me thing, I figured focusing on how I now deal with stress is a good one for this week since there has been plenty of it around lol. It was tough because I went from finals which was SUPER stressful, to then trying to get ready for Christmas and then my grandfather passing away, so it was deff. a trying week for me. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention about my weigh-in this week. With all that went on it kind of changed my schedule so I weighed-in on Saturday. I did have a goal this week and it was to stay the same. The reason being is this was that wonderful, glorious week of the month were I have no control of my body, that great gift from nature haha. Last month I gained a little over a pound so this month I was just praying I would stay the same because even though I know the reasons why I gained, mentally it still messes with my mind making me think I did something wrong. Well I got on the scale and my wish was granted lol 148 still, and not an ounce or a pound bigger than last week :o). I knew I had worked hard this week, but with all the stress and lack of sleep I didn't know how it would all work because that has affected me a lot in the past.

The pictures above deff. describe the "old me" vs. the "new me" when stress came around. I was not over weight because I liked to eat or because I just loved food. I mean yes, I liked the tastes of certain things, but I made it into my comfort and my emotional help whenever I needed it. The worse one would deff. have to be fast food though, I think it is every unhealthy person's worst nightmare, because it is quick, easy, usually cheap and good and greasy lol. Everyday after school when I had a stressful day, McDonald's was right there waiting for me, or Taco Bell or whatever. I could always go through and know in about 10 minutes the stressful feelings would be gone with a feeling of fullness. Didn't matter what I was eating but it just mattered i got the "full" feeling, and away from the emotions of stress! I remember sometimes not even feeling what I was eating or tasting it, because I was just doing it for the feelings and to be numb. I never wanted/knew how to deal with those feelings so by just numbing them I didn't have to feel them ya know? I know not everyone is as into the fast food as I was, but yet maybe just eating other things for comfort, I deff. think we all have our comfort foods if we really look lol. It has been strange this time around with my grandfather passing away, than it was when my grandmother did, who I was just as close too, because this time I have had to deal with emotions and the rawness of losing someone. With my grandmother I don't if I ever dealt with it fully, because food was there through it all. I actually was only about 200lbs when my grandmother died in 2003 but then that is when the weight gain burst. In about 7 years I put on 100lbs and a lot was to due with her passing. When she passes away that meant I lost someone who was like a second mom to me, it was the first time I had to deal with death in my life, and not to mention it was WAY unexpected and happened out of no where. She was perfectly healthy and only 73 and was doing everything, but an unexpected aneurysm got her and we had no idea it was coming. I remember during and after the funeral food played a major role in my life and helped me balloon up to my biggest weight ever. I even remember having a conversation with my doctor about 4 years ago asking me what was going on, and then him and my mom looked at my records and saw the correlation between when she died and my weight gain. It was like I was overload and once I started hiding my emotions and feelings I couldn't stop, and it continue for 5 years after she passed.

This time though I am SO happy to say I am dealing with it SO much better. Yes, while it is SUPER hard to handle and process, I am dealing with it the healthy way this time. Don't get me wrong there have been a few times this week where I would like to go back and find my old "comfort friends" in a nice pizza, or a cheeseburger or a piece of cheesecake, but what good is that stuff gonna do me? Is a pizza from my favorite place gonna bring my grandfather back, is it going to make things seem less painful in the long wrong, is it going to make him more proud of me....NO! It will surely make my butt bigger and my heart heavier because I wouldn't have been dealing things the right way. I probably didn't know as much at the time when I started really turning to food after my grandmother died because I was only 12 but now I do, and I know that once you start hiding you feelings it takes SO long to go back and work through those. I know instead of pull through a drive-thru, I got and pull through the gym. I did not go Friday and Saturday due to all that was going on but I knew that I was getting in a bad place mentally and was really feeling the stress, so even though there was church yesterday and I was exhausted from it all, I HAD to make time to go to the gym. It is strange these days but I can always tell when I haven't been to the gym for a few days and it is like my body needs that reprieve and help and it feels SO much better when I go. I did finally get it together to go yesterday around 3 in the afternoon and I ran on the treadmill for 30mins then did 30mins on the stair stepper and just blasted my music and really pushed it. I CANNOT tell you how much better I felt mentally, and emotionally after a good workout. It is nice because you can just shut off the thoughts and just push yourself and really put yourself in a better mental state. I know we have all studied the endorphins things in health but you don't realize just how much they help put you in a better mood until you let them work. I walked out of them knowing not only did I burn the calories I needed to for the day, but that I felt SO much better after that and the world seemed a little brighter.

I am by no means saying working out solves all my problems lol, cause it totally doesn't, but there is something to be said about how it changes your mood and outlook on life. It just makes things so much easier to deal with, because your body needs the attention, so then it can help focus your mind. I think in America we like to give our stomachs a lot of attention and minds, but forget that to make it all work together our body needs it too. Whether you are over weight or not, everyone needs that exercise and daily release to really feel good. It's so funny how great you feel when you start doing all the things those silly health books tell you too lol. It's amazing but they have had the right answers all these years :o), and that is all I am doing just doing what I knew was true all along. Another great thing is that cheeseburger comforted me and then left a nice lump of cellulite in my thigh, working out comforts me and leaves a nice muscle in my arm :o).

Well I am off to start the day and prepare for this week. I hope everyone is doing well and is getting ready for Christmas :o). I thought tomorrow's post could be answering any questions that you might have. I have two already to answer from an email and someone's comment, but if there is anything you are dieing to ask me about my diet, my change mentally, working out or whatever I am TOTALLY open to them! I know I try to cover everything in my story but also know I forget a lot, and it probably looks strange when you see someone lose 161lbs in a year but you don't know all the details lol. So feel free and I will do a post on questions and answering tomorrow, and you can email me them too if you don't want to post them on here :o). Have a great Monday!

~Kassandra

How Do You Say Goodbye???

2009-12-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

First off I am sorry for the delay in updating my blog. My week was going well up until yesterday evening. I did praise the Lord get all my finals done and did well on them all, my last one was yesterday at 12:00pm. After finals I relaxed and went home and then had a fun evening with friends of mine who came in town and are back from college for Christmas Break. Anyways I got home after going out with friends and my mom told my grandfather who has been ill for the last month was not doing well. A little back round on him is, he lives with us first off, he came to live with us a little over six years ago when my grandmother passed away unexpectedly. He had been battling congestive heart failure and diabetes and other things for a couple years so we knew with his wife he would not be able to take care of himself on his own. Long story short he came to move in with us, knowing be around me and my 7 siblings would be the best medicine for him. We thought he would live a year or two with us because his health was so bad, but he ended up getting stronger and stronger and fighting through. He became a part of our immediately family and was like he was always there. We were always super close before he moved in but now he became like a father to us. As I have mentioned my dad has never been a good father to us kids, so God most deff. put my grandfather in to fill the hole. My youngest brother was actually only 6 months when he came to live with us, so Konnor has grown up knowing him as a father to him.

About a month ago his heart began to act up and everything was going south so he was taken to the hospital right after Thanksgiving. It never looked really good the whole time he was in and they tried multiple things. Usually when he would go in they could fix him and make it better, with the amazing medicine and work of the doctor's and of course our almighty God. This time though it seemed different, we all had this feeling it wasn't going to be good. It was as if he hit the final chance and there were no more. This last week he has been slowly going down hill and last night it became really bad seeing as though his kidney's decided to stop working. We got the call around 11:30pm to come immediately to the hospital since he blood pressure was tanking and the kidney's were going. My mom and I rushed down and got there and ended up staying the night with him as they moved him to ICU. They moved him there and gave him Morphine for the intense muscle spasms he was having due to the dehydration from the kidney's. As a family we decided the vent was not necessary because it would be prolonging the inevitable, and we wanted him to be comfortable and that his almost 90 year old body has had enough. It was tough though because mentally he is all with it and does not want to give up at all. He could hear all we said and respond and hold our hands and try to talk. It was so hard and was such a helpless feeling looking at him knowing we could do nothing, and neither could the doctor's.

The reason he wants to fight so hard is because he knows he is the rock to our family. With my dad leaving the family my grandfather stepped in emotionally and of course financially helped and worried a lot about my mom and us kids. She was the 1 girl with three brothers so she was always the special "daddy's girl" and he has done all he can to be there for her all her life, and the same to us grandkids. He would give up his last penny or the shirt off his back for us, and that means so much when your own father is not willing to do that. We never understood why God took my grandmother first because she was the healthy, vibrant strong one while he was the sick older one, but now we see God knew what my dad was going to do, and he know my grandfather needed to be there to step in and take his place. God could not of blessed us with a better more caring man and I am so thankful! I am thankful too for those extra years we never thought we would get with him as well.

Another neat thing was, last Friday the day of my anniversary I got to up by myself, because my mom had a stomach bug, and I got to visit him and talk to him on the day I lost 161lbs officially and he was SO proud of me and over the moon. He told all his doctors and nurses and our family that was there and hugged and kissed me. The neatest thing was the day I started my "weight loss journey" was inevitable the same day him and my grandmother were married, so there anniversary and I had no idea about that the day I picked Dec. 11th, so I believe that was God's doing for sure. They always loved me and worried about my weight and I SO SO SO thankful he got to see me make it close to my goal and to see me change my life around, and now know he doe not have to worry about me anymore and that I am healthy! You don't realize how precious your own health is until you watch someone else's be stripped away from them like his today. It made me so thankful I am doing all I can to cherish this awesome body and chance God has given me on this earth and that I cannot waste another day.

As of now they have him just on a slow dose of Morphine to keep the pain down and wait until his body gives out. I am hoping after dinner to go up again with my brother and be there for my mom and him as long as he makes it that long. It is just so tough having this happen a week before Christmas as well. We are not sure how we are going to make it without him with him being such a vital part of our lives, but I am trusting God though it all and I know he will open countless doors and gives us strength for the coming days. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated that he continues to stay comfortable and goes soon so there is no more suffering. I will always thank him for being the best Papou(grandfather in Greek since my family is Greek) and not only that but the best father figure who loved me no matter what and gave up everything for me! He will be greatly missed for sure, but the time we had was so precious, it's in God's hand now....

My sweet Papou and I the night I went to prom this year for the first time after I lost 70lbs, praise the Lord he got to be there for this!

~Kassandra

Wishful Wed.!

2009-12-16T12:21:00.000-08:00

So today is Wishful Wednesday at The Seattle Smith's blog and I am very excited for this one! This week's topic is 'I wish' .... I could relive one particular holiday experience over and over again, and it would be sneaking down with my brother Kameron (who is 17 months younger than me) at like 4am to "pre-look" at all the awesome gifts and maybe peak in at one or two and shake them all :o).

So this picture is deff. perfect because this was totally my brother and I lol! We probably did this each year from the time we were about 3 or I was 3 lol, I was a pretty clever sneaky child, I know imagine that lol! Anyways I would tell him before we went to sleep, "Ok Kameron, I will wake up a couple hours before everyone else does and get you up and we can sneak down and check everything out!". As I got older I even learned to set watch alarms to wake me up but still be quiet to let everyone else sleep haha! Nothing is like that feeling tought when you see the presents under the tree for the first time, when you know when you went to bed you left it empty, it is pure joy and bliss! We of course would then tough most of them, push on them and figure which was a barbie or baby doll haha, rip a few corners and ruin a few gifts too lol. My mom always some how saw those ripped corners too once morning came along haha! I was just talkig to the lady I babysit for about this and it was like that magical feeling all came back when I thought about the experience, it was just SO neat and fun! I kind of hate that, that magic is gone, but...it is great having tons of little siblings still who I get to re-live it all through too, that is one of the best parts! Not that presents are the main part because Baby Jesus is of course, but the magically feelings kids get is super special too!

Well I got another final done today and did well, and I have one more for tomorrow and it doesn't look like Friday's is going to be a have too anymore which is GREAT! I am off now to babysit and then spin class, and a study session with a friend :o). Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wed.!

~Kassandra

Crunching away the Pounds!

2009-12-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

So if anyone who has heard about my weight loss success and wondered if I had a "secret" or a "secret weapon" I may be revealing it today lol! Nope, it is a not a pill, or a awesome protein powder or bar with magical powers lol, but yet...CHEX MIX! I know who would have thought right??? I don't know what and and why and how I chose this little secret but this stuff is my bff lol! I think one day I was doing my search at the store for some new alternatives that are low and calorie and can switch things up a bit, I am sure when I do this and pick up like 12 things in each isle and scan the labels it bigs the crap out of people lol, but hey ya gotta do what ya gotta do! So I looked at this because never really being that into Chex Mix before I thought maybe this might be nice, and also the 60% lower fat than chips on the front attracted me too of course lol, who doesn't love some reduced fat and low calorie. Well when I discovered you can have half a cup for 120 cals. and like 3 grams of fat I was pretty happy, and I LOVE cheese so knowing it was Cheddar flavor too was just the icing on the cake for me haha :o). I decided I would grab a bag and try it, and guess what I LOVED it and ate it with EVERYTHING lol! I am sure 1/2 cup doesn't sound like a ton but it is, and I do something special with this that may sound completely dumb to most but for me it works haha, its all a mind and visual thing. Since I pack my lunch a lot with being in college and being on the go I often stick my Chex Mix in a small snack or sandwich baggy depending on which we have. Well when I put it in the baggy and it eat from the baggy it feels like more and some how tastes better haha. I think there have been studies shown that we like to eat out of the bag rather than a measure portion in a bowl, so maybe that is it lol, who knows!

So I continued to buy this great flavorful stuff and even ventured to try the Sour Cream and Chive kind and LOVED that too, and now my favorite thing is, 1/4 cup of the Cheddar and 1/4 of the Sour Cream in a baggy and that makes for even more flavor haha! I love to eat this with my tuna melt wraps, or with a sandwich or with a little homemade pizza on a pita flat bread thing, or just about anything. For me I have always loved potato chips and having that extra crunch and something to go with a sandwich and lunch so this stuff was perfect for me and it also taught me to measure, measure, measure lol! I know that with this kind of thing it is tempting to eat the whole bag but I learned with measuring it and eating it from the baggy I really enjoyed it more and it was pretty good. I think it is also good to have something like this when trying to change your habits. I mean sure should I probably have a baggy full or carrots and celery and would it be the "healthier" thing of course, but I cannot do without stuff forever, and this new life and journey I am on is a forever thing, so I have to find something that sticks and is permanent ya know? If it takes a 1/2 cup of Chex Mix with my lunch to make me happy and help me loose and fill the snacky craving then so be it :o). I totally encourage people to find their "Chex Mix Fix" in whatever they like instead or if they like the same thing too. It's all about doing things you can stick with, and let's just my Chex Mix is going no where soon haha. My family makes fun of how much I eat and how often lol, and my mom kind of has an issue with crunching noises so it was tough for her to get used to my constant crunching on this stuff haha! I told her "Hey at least I am crunching away the pounds and it is working haha!". I go in search now for the older labeled kind because the new look of the Cheddar for some reason now has 10 more calories lol, Go figure??? So I was at the Dollar General looking for some cheap stuff for a project and guess what they still carry...the old label kind haha, probably cause it is a dollar place haha, but o well, makes me happy :o). This picture above my mom took about 2 months ago and it cracked people up on Facebook and outed me on my Chex Mix addiction haha :o).

Well I hope your guys week is going well, mine is going ok lol, 2 finals down and 3 to go, one of which is tomorrow morning and I kind of haven't started studying a ton lol, I am such a procratsinator sometimes! I am thinking that here in the next couple posts I might do one where if you have any questions for me, I will do a post on it, if that is something that might be interesting :o). Well I am off to stop making excuses and STUDY haha!

~Kassandra