Who Would have thought???

SO this week is FLYING by! I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing haha :), I mean I am glad it's been going but break is flying and second semester is right around the corner for me. I have been really busy these last two days working and then running errands and working my tail off in the gym. It has been so great to have all my family home and also friends who are normally out at college. Sunday night I had a blast with a friend of mine who has been my best friend since 7th grade, Sydney. We went to dinner and then to a movie and saw Sherlock Holm's, which I HIGHLY recommend! I am not usually into those kinds of movies, I am more a chick flick kind of girl lol, but this was awesome and so good! Rachel McAdams is in it and she is deff. on of my favorite actresses for sure and she did a great job :o). It was just neat to get to spend time with my friend and catch up because normally she is 2 hrs away at IU. Here are a few pictures from that night :).

Then last night on Monday night my good friend Hannah, who is home from Purdue went to the gym with me and took spin class with me which was so fun! She loved it! After that we got ready and went out and saw "The Blind Side" which all I can say for that is....AMAZING! I had heard so much but wow, one of those you HAVE TO HAVE TO see! Very neat and very inspiring, especially since I went to an inner-city school where there were TONS of kids like that, that at the time frustrated me because I didn't realize where they had come from, but I know for me I forget not everyone has a nice back round and parents and family that care about you.

Tonight was most deff. a momentous night for me, I got to teach for 10 minutes for the first time in SPIN CLASS! I was just running along on the treadmill before spin class, when my favorite little spin instructor Liz came up and asked me if I would like to do a few songs tonight. I was originally supposed to this last week, but with all that happened with my grandfather I wasn't really in the peppiest mood to teach lol, and for those of you who have taken spin class, you know it takes a TON of pep and energy to teach one and even take it haha. Anyways I said yes, a little doubtful in my head lol. It was really neat though because my mom and brother actually came to the gym with me tonight so I knew they would be able to see me do it, and they had actually never seen the class I take in action before haha. I went into class like always, got my bike up front cause I figure might as well get in the front and get really into it and get the best workout possible lol! Once Liz realizes my mom and brother are there to watch she offered to let me do the first couple songs of the night....NERVE RACKING lol! I was like "Sure.....sounds good!". So I go up put on my little microphone and adjust my bike and hop on in front of like 35 people on bikes lol! One just happened to be a guy I "may have a thing for" haha, I will get into that some other time :). Anyways I was like ok what do I do now haha! I put on a good easy song from Liz's ipod called "Sexy Chick" by Akon haha, I know crazy but ya gotta have some crazy music to spin lol ;). It was a pretty easy song to direct and tell people to go forward and back and forward and back. Well in the very back of the class there is this very animated guy who is yellin and just having a great time lol, and making me laugh the whole time haha! It was nice though because he made it less awkward haha! I then did a climbing song(where we slowly add more and more resistance and then stand and push through it), and then did a Fergie song haha :). It was SO fun and by the third song I didn't want to give the bike back to the real instructor haha! Good news is though I get to teach the class next Thursday while Liz is on vacation!! I am actually meeting with her this Saturday morning and we are going to go over everything and do it and I will have the class to myself this coming Thursday YAY! I deff. think that will give me enough time to prepare and get myself all ready!

I wish I could share the feeling I had while on the bike and after, it was one I have only felt a few times throughout my journey, a feeling that is just out of this world lol. I think the last time I felt it was when I hit the 100lb mark and also when I broke through the wall as far as working out and I did the elliptical for an hour when I was still 250lbs. It's that feeling of pure awe that I was able to do something I NEVER thought I could do! I remember the days of not even thinking of EVER taking a spin/cycling class, because in mind it was just a joke or something I could never make it through and do. I never would have guessed I would one day be in front of a class of people teaching it myself! All the times I have doubted me and not had confidence were blown away tonight as I did something I never in a million years would have done before. Not only could the "old me" not have done it because of my weight but I wouldn't have even gone in the class let alone in front of it because my self-confidence was so low. I remember the days of being nervous to walk into the Y lol! It was so neat though because as I got off the class clapped and told me how great I did and that was SO awesome and made all the nervous feelings go away and made it all worth it :). It is deff. times like this were I look back and think just how far in a year I have come, and it really makes me appreciate what I have done. I know it would seem strange to forget that you lost 162lbs haha, and I do usually remember but it's kind of like with any other big events in life the more time that passes the more you forget what it was like. And I mean I still do a lot, but sometimes it takes moments like this for me to remember where I came from and where I started. I just hope in sharing this, this can inspire anyone to do anything. Don't let anything hold you back from what you want! I never would have thought that this time last year when I had been dieting for about 2 weeks and struggling so hard, that the next year I would be in front of a huge class of cycling people teaching them lol! It all goes back to my favorite saying that "NOTHING tastes as good as I feel!". Tonight's feeling of accomplishment is SO much better than any cheeseburger/pizza can ever give me lol! Well I am off to the shower and to relax tonight :), I hope everyone is having a great week and is ready for New Year's I am SO looking forward to 2010 and seeing what it has in store for me! Oh, and one more thing the new song on here is a new favorite of mine! I kind of stole it from the Biggest Loser previews haha but I loved the words and the song in general and DEFF. cannot wait for next Tuesday and for the new season of BL :o)!

~Kassandra

P.S.! *I almost forgot today is "Wishful Wed" at The Seattle Smith's blog and I deff. didn't want to miss that! Today's topic was ....."What do you Wish Santa would have brought you?" Well for me it would be this:

My inside-out-Vera lol! This is one of the new paterns and I deff. wanted it and especially since you could flip it from one side to the other. But....my birthday just HAPPENS to me Monday Jan. 4th lol, which has always been nice because whatever Santa forgets the birthday fairy brings lol! So....I am crossing my fingers for this one, cause I totally need a new bag and I have been in love with this one since it came out lol! I have the keychain thing and wallet and keep waiting for the bag, so let's hope :). This was deff. a fun topic and I think we all have those things  we "wished" we would have gotten, but don't get me wrong Santa was still good to me lol :o).

My Workout Routine

So I am back after a very long and relaxing weekend which was nice, until today hit and I can say I am getting a little bored lol. I mean don't get me wrong I am so glad to be on break, but I am  realizing I am deff. one of those people who likes to be moving constantly and having something to do, even if I complain about it haha :). I like to be busy I guess and today I had NOTHING I HAD to do which is a weird feeling for sure. I am looking SO forward to going to the gym for spin just because I will have to be occupied for an hour doing something haha!

I decided today would be a day to post about my workouts and what exactly I do and have done to get to where I am at. When I asked if anyone had questions this seemed to be the number one lol, and it makes sense because it was a HUGE component in how I lost the weight. For me it was always years and years of "dieting" and never wanting to accept the fact I needed to work out and eat healthy to lose weight, I never wanted to feel the pain of working out. Speaking of pain I saw a great quote on someone's facebook status and it is totally going to be one of my favorites from here on out, "Pain is temporary, but quitting lasts forever" - Lance Armstrong. I have deff. liked Lance before now but now I have even MORE respect for him after getting into spin and cycling myself, what he does and has done is pretty amazing! I thought this quote was so amazing and deff. something I try and remind myself, the pain lasts for just a little bit of time and once you break through it, it feels amazing but quitting does last forever and results in nothing. I deff. think this will be one of those quotes I will keep around for years to remind me to stay with anything in life that is tough :o).

So on to the workouts :). I think I have mentioned before that when I first started I could do hardly anything at the Y. After months and months of begging from a sweet neighbor of mine to go to the Y with her I finally gave in and went and took a strength training class with her, I still take that same one now every Saturday morning. I took that class at over 300lbs and felt SO out of place at first and kind of just wanted to leave. But with the encouragement on my neighbor I just pushed through the 45mins grunting and groaning the whole way lol. After the class my neighbor wanted to get some cardio in and so she convinced me to get on a elliptical for a little while. Mind you I had never done this before and before this walking was about as advanced as I got exercise wise lol. I did it and honestly could only do it for 5 minutes before I was SO out of breath and tired. I decided 5 mins was going to have to be all, and that I did the best I could and I just needed to be happy with that and move on. I can't lie and say I wasn't really depressed as I got off and saw how little I could do and just how far I had to come, but again it goes back to that saying, that feeling of defeat I had was SO temporary but quitting would have lasted forever and I never would have been where I am today.

After that day I worked hard on getting a membership to the Y. A good friend of ours is on the board and she helped the process go a little quicker and she got our family a membership within a week. I was so thankful for her and her encouragement. I decided that first off I needed to get help because with no one with me at the gym I had NO clue how to even begin to get a decent workout, and also not injure myself. So many people have commented on the fact that I haven't hurt myself along the way which is impressive because I know sometimes I didn't always do the smartest things haha. Anyways the Y put with me a really sweet college aged girl who was a senior at the same college I go to now, and she became my trainer :o).

Here is Tricia and I before my Senior Prom back in April.

I know not everyone can get or wants a trainer but God really provided a way for me to get one. With the size of my family/ position my mom is in being single and what not, they had a scholarship program that gave me 70% off training sessions. It was so neat because that same friend I mentioned helped me get this program and I was really happy, and felt that it was totally a huge blessing because otherwise I would not have been able to afford it at all. I started working with Tricia in the summer in August of 2008. We started off slowly, as she set my weights and we worked on this circuit of machines called Cybex machines. I am sure most other workout places have them too, but its like a circle of 12 or 13 machines that you do in order that works all different parts of your body. They are great to start out with because rather than free weights they are more controlled and easier when you are a beginner at working out lol. Again this is where having Tricia was good, because she knew when to increase and decrease my weights so that I would get a good workout, but it would not push me to get hurt. It was also neat to have her track my progress as I could increase my weights, and the positions on the machines. One of the neatest experiences for me was this one leg machine, that works your upper thighs. When I first started doing it I could barely fit into the machine, I had to keep it on the biggest settling to fit my thighs in. By the time April rolled around I could keep it on almost the lowest smallest setting which was so cool! Tricia and I worked them from August to April before she moved and we worked usually 2 to 3 times a week. It was neat because not only was she my trainer but she became a good friend and mentor as well.

Once Tricia left I was a little nervous because I was like "What do I do now, with NO Tricia?!?". I knew I could handle the cardio but the weights stuff scared me. TO be honest the other trainers were a little intimidating because they we all guys and so I was a tad nervous to work with them, because with Tricia it was so comfortable because she was a girl and my friend and understood all the emotional crap that goes with us girls and changing our lives lol. I decided that maybe I would just skip a trainer for a while and do it on my own. I did that for about a month and a half and decided that yes I had hit the 100lbs down mark and I was almost out of the 200's, but I REALLY needed someone to push me to get that next 70lbs off to my goal. It was so hard sometimes having SO much to lose because here I felt wow 100lbs gone that's great, but WAIT..you still have a LONG way to go. Again back to the saying that pain, so temporary, quitting then would have been SO easy but I am SO glad I didn't. I decided one day in June sitting at work I was going to get another trainer even if it meant stepping out of the box with a guy, and let me say I am SO glad I did! I ended up getting put with a guy names Ryan who again went to the same college I did was a med student and a senior. He also was in the Air Force before college and was in incredible shape, and was NOT hard on the eyes at all haha! I just decided if I REALLY wanted to hit goal and make it, I was not going to let my fear of working with a guy scare me, he knew what to and was the best at it and that was all that mattered. We started working and he was GREAT. Totally took away all my fears of working with a guy, he was totally comfortable  to work with and even pretty talkative lol. He made it fun and let's just say kicked my butt like NO other!

As great as Tricia was and our relationship was awesome, sometimes we got too caught up in girl talk and being friends that I think I sweet talked her and she forgot to push me as hard haha. With Ryan there was no bull crap allowed, he would say stop the sweet talk and just do what I told you lol. I will be the first to admit I can talk my way through anything lol, I mean I am Greek and we have big mouths and love to talk, so my defense thing is always talk your way out. When I would complain it was "Shut up, don't want to hear it and I KNOW you can do it, so do it!". As hard as that was to swallow sometimes it was what I needed to hear and it got me motivated. I will never forget one of the first workouts I had with him. See with Tricia like I said we typically did the same things and really focused on weights and machines, Ryan had a WHOLE different style. Having that Air Force/military background he was into the more grunt kind of workouts. I go into the normal gym like I always did with Tricia and he says, NOPE we are outside today! I was like uhhhh....what lol??? Seeing as though it's July and like 90 degrees and smart me wears all black, this really sucked haha. I go out and all I see is HUGE tires, a HUGE rope and a stand that looks like they use in the circus. I am started to feel sick now as he tells me what I am to do. First I get to flip 100 and 125lb tires back and forth this field in the back of the Y. After that I get to pull the tire with this huge rope, and then when I complained he threatened to sit on it HA! I would keep repeating I couldn't and he would yell, and guess what I could :o). After all this he had me do this thing that still makes my stomach sick at the thought but he made me start at one end of the field, and I would do 1 push up, then run down to the other end and do 10 flutter kicks( when your on your back hand underneath you and just your legs move up and down like your kicking in the water, REALLY works your lower abs!). Then I would run back and do 2 push-ups then run back, and do 20 flutter kicks, all the way until I did 10 push ups and 100 flutter kicks so all in all I ended up doing something like 80 push ups and over 600 flutter kicks! Once I got done with this workout I wanted to puke, cry and scream all at once haha, thank the Lord he went inside to get water as I talked myself out of bawling haha!

I then continued to work with Ryan until he had to leave for the Air Force this past Sept. He might be coming back sometime in Jan. but with his schedule he has no for idea yet. All I know is I am SO glad I got the guts to work with him because he toned and burned me so HARD that I changed in like 3 months to a new person. It was  like I became sculpted not just lost weight it was deff. a huge moment in my journey and I am So thankful for it! I will also never forget when he made me do so many push-ups/ jump up things called "burpies" on this hard pleated floor at the Y that my hands had blisters and broke open and bled and were all nasty and opened for weeks, I won't lie though, having those war wounds was kind of fun to show off lol :o). Since Ryan has left I have not had another trainer, seeing as though many at that time left the Y at the same time Ryan did. I did though pick up spin class the week he left, after he advised me too and that has been my trainer the last three months. It was perfect timing seeing as though I needed that extra push at that time and the class deff. stepped in and did that for me. I am now going to start again working with trainer named Eric, here next week since he has more time in his schedule. I figured I really need someone to help me with the end sculpting part and getting as toned as possible. It's obvious I have the cardio down but the weights are just something you need someone else there for, or at least for me I do. I also think just having that accountability and support these last pounds will be good, plus I have known him forever and I think it will be good.

Ok so last but not least what do I typically do at the gym now??? Well my favorite things are the stair stepper and the treadmill. I HATED, let me repeat HATED to run before I worked with Ryan. The only time I ran was if  bear chased after me or someone with a gun haha (not that, that has happened). I always said, NOPE not gonna run now or ever, I can't run I suck at it. Well see with Tricia I sweet talked her into letting me always do the elliptical or stair master, well NOT with Ryan lol, his exact words were "Yes, you will run with me and yes, you will learn to like it and get better at it!". So that I did, even if he only had me do it for 5mins before he really kicked my butt lol, he always made me run and increase my speed, slowly. Let's just say I used to keep it at about 5.4 and want to die lol, now since July I am up to 8.0 and LOVE it! You don't realize how great those runner's high feelings are until you do it, but it's great and such a great release of bad energy and stress! I also love the stair master before in like 30mins I can burn 400 calories and it is great for your butt and thighs haha! I love it too because not many people like it do it's usually always free :). So for now on days I don't have spin I usually do 30mins on the treadmill for about 300 calories and then 30mins on the stair stepper for about 300 calories too. I know they tell you not to pay a ton of attention to the calories and I really don't but I do like to burn like at least 600 because that is half of the 1200 I eat a day, so I sure it's all a mental thing but hey it's working so far haha :o). On days I don't do this I go to spin class for at least an hour sometimes 1hr and 10 or 20 mins, depends how much eariler I get there. The classes are one hour but if you get there early you can spin a little before class starts. I do now to push it a bit go for about 15mins before class and run on the treadmill and burn 200 or so calories and just get a good warm-up and really try and build up my speed and what not on the treadmill. It is deff. true how it takes like 4 months to build up your strength and endurance while running but then only like 2 wks to lose it all! Well I hope this covers most of what I do in the gym, Oh and I do, do some of those Cybex machines after I workout like every other day, because back to back muscle training has the reverse affect because your muscles don't have time to repair. I also take a 45min butt kicking strength training class (of which I am SO sore from this past Saturday's haha) every Saturday that is GREAT, the lady who teaches it might look better than Jillian Michael's lol! I am off to get ready to head to the Y now for a run and spin class with a friend of mine who is in town from college! Hope you all had a wonderful Monday! Until tomorrow!!

~Kassey

Merry Christmas!

Well first off, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas as much as I am and having a blast with family and friends :o). I am sorry I did not post yesterday but I figured everyone else was in the same boat I was, LAST MINUTE everything lol! I had to run to the YMCA and sneak in a quick workout before they closed at 1pm, that was hilarious watching everyone run around before the clock struck 1pm haha! Then after that my mom and I made a mad dash around town to do the final shopping. We went from Best Buy, to the Mall, then to Target and felt like we were going 100 miles an hour lol! Straight after that it was time to slam down dinner, then head to our church for the amazing Candle Light Christmas Eve service they do each year, LOVE it! It is always a packed house, which I love then at the end of the service they turn off all lights, and it is all by candle light, talk about beautiful. I feel Christmas just isn't complete until we focus on the REAL reason for the holiday, Jesus :o).

And of course just for fun today was my weigh-in day! I think this was some silly trick to keep me on track, because so far this year my weigh-in days have landed on Thanksgiving AND Christmas haha, no room for cheating on mashed potatoes and Christmas cookies!! I am happy to say I did loose another pound this week, despite all the stress I have been though which is amazing lol! I was just hoping my body wasn't going to freak out and gain, but it didn't, it still pulled through! I deff. will take that 1lb and run with it, literally haha, because at this time in my journey, and with the hormones this week and the stress of losing my grandfather, 1lb is splendid and 1lb closer to my goal of 130 :o). I can officially say I am 147 and 17lbs from my goal! So Merry Christmas to me, with a 1lb loss lol! I will have to say despite all the AMAZING things I got for Christmas the best gift this year is being able to sit here 162lbs smaller than last Christmas and probably gaining at least another 10 or 20 years on my life. As I sat by the tree watching my family open their presents I couldn't not happen to think about that girl who sat by the tree last year, scared and miserable (because at this point it was about 2wks of no "fatty foods" so I was getting a little tired of it all lol). I knew last Christmas I was gonna do this and it was the real changing point, but NEVER would I have dreamed what this Christmas would hold and be :o), but I am SO thankful for it and for all I have been provided with!

As far as the other things, like the presents I am pretty happy! Here are a few things I got I must share!:

The BEST book of all time I have waited and waited for! If you have never looked at her website or books you MUST check them out, they have changed my cooking/eating forever and I am hard to change haha!

Ok so this might be every college kid's dream right here and I never knew it existed until yesterday at Best Buy!! So it is this pen, that is like an ipod literally, it has a camera on it, a recorder and a censor. This nice little video will explain it way better than me haha http://www.livescribe.com/smartpen/videos.html . Basically you don't your PC or computer anymore to take these notes, you take them and it records everything that is being said( deff. learned that is amazing considering some professors talk at like 10 million miles an hour haha!) and the best part is, it remembers when you tap what you wrote, what was being said at that exact time! You can also upload them to any PC, send them to friends, post them on Facebook and store them forever :o). It has a calculator that automatically does things on it, it also has a translator in any language! I guess on review said it is like a computer in a pen, SO crazy cool lol! I saw it yesterday and my mom and I freaked out, and so I kind of knew I was getting it lol, but it is SO awesome and will be SO useful the next 3 and a half years and more!

Then my next favorite thing are my new amazing Nike Flow headphones and arm band to be all official now at the Y lol :o)! I know you don't NEED an armband (but trust me you can only stuff an Ipod touch so many places haha!) but it will be SO nice now that I am really into running and also for spin :o). I also really love these headphones because they stay on with tons of a movement and also sweat resistant, which I deff. need haha!

And of course all the other fun stuff, like the amazing Martha Stewart cooking school book :o), my mom's best friend bought me that and she deff. knows me well lol! Amazing slipper boots I have been eying at Old Navy, Victoria's Secret and all it's fun :o) deff. cannot wait for the Semi-Annual sale! And you can't forget all the fun stocking stuffers, which is funny because my stocking was sure different this year haha, no candy but yet toothbrushes and soaps and sugar free haha :o). And on top of all this I got some amazing gift cards that will make tomorrow's After Christmas Shopping that much better :o)!

This year I really couldn't be more grateful, and feel blessed with all God has given me. Even though deaths, divorce and heart ache God has been there for my family and I, and He has helped me achieve incredible things! If you would have asked me this time last year at Christmas "Kassey, can you believe next Christmas you will be 147lbs and light than you were at age 12??" I would have laughed and said you were nuts haha, but I am SO glad I am and so thankful for my family and friends who helped along the way this year :o).

Well I am off to relax and then of course start making Christmas lunch, and get out the billions of goodies I made last night out for the family, and enjoy this wonderful day! Hope you all do as well and have a blessed Christmas :o).

~Kassandra

Luke 2:9-12

And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. (10) And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. (11) For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. (12) And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”

Every girl needs that "little black dress".....

First off thank you all so much for your encouraging posts about my grandfather, that means SO much to me! Last night was the viewing and this morning was the funeral, and as I am sure you can all imagine it was very emotionally draining and tiring. For me I believe from last Friday up until last night I was going on shear adrenaline and hadn't even really come to grips to what had happened in my life, and realized what I had lost. My grandfather has been battling with being ill for over eight years, but by the grace of God he always bounced back, so in mind this time seemed no different, it was like he was going to be fine and get over it just like he always had. I think too that even though I knew he was sick and leaving this earth soon, it was not any easier to finally say good-bye. And what I believe is so hard for me is this was not like losing just your typical grandfather, I lost a dad. If you have read my previous posts you will see that my dad is no longer in the picture at all with my family and my grandfather moved in with us and basically filled that role my dad left. He also not only emotionally supported up but financially helped my mom with my siblings and I and made so many things possible. He was amazing, and it's just hitting me today he is not coming back and he is really gone....forever. It worries me because today it seems like how can life go on without him, and what will we do. I have been battling with that all day and very worried, but then this little tug inside me says Kassey, trust in me, the Lord. I know He is there and he is now my earthly and heavenly father but it is hard, and at a time like this the devil is just waiting to snatch me and fill me with doubt so it will be a struggle I am sure for sometime, so prayers are deff. appreciated in that area :).

Even though yesterday was a hard day with everything going on, grade from this semester did come out and guess what...first semester as a college student.....ALL A's and B's YAY! That was a huge bright spot in my day and made me SO happy! I am so glad I worked hard and my work paid off and a whole semester is under my belt and done, even with all the stress of these last 3 months or so.

The reason for my title and picture above is a little story I thought I would share about that "little black dress". As soon as I knew the funeral and what not was coming I knew I had to figure out what to wear. It stinks but you do have to plan that out with funerals and it has to be something nice, and it was deff. not an outfit you wanted to plan and buy but you knew you had to. I of course with going through such a HUGE body change don't have a ton of clothes, because as soon as I buy something it doesn't fit in 2 wks lol. I finally got so sick of buying a pair of jeans every 3wks and wasting money, while it is a great problem to have lol, it is not so fun where your wallet is concerned haha. Anyways I knew I had nothing to wear so I would have to find something. It was also a little important because we were the closest to my grandfather with him living with us and also most of these people I would see had not seen me in years some up to 6 years. Most had not seen me since my weight loss so I knew it was important to look decent. Well I went to one of my FAVORITE stores ever, TJ Maxx, LOVE that place! It is time consuming to find the bargains but they are there and SO worth it! Like I mentioned though I wasn't thrilled to be buying something for a sad occascion like this but I knew my Papou(gpa in Greek) would want me to feel and look nice and it was what I had to do.

I had also not done too much dress shopping since loosing weight so I had no idea size wise where to start. Well I kind of eye balled it and I saw this SUPER cute dress that I loved and I grabbed it. It was a dress I had always dreamed of wearing, pretty, elegant, business like and in a normal size lol. I have always loved the high waisted belted look, but when your SO round you have no waist you tend to shy away from that look lol. So even though it has been in for some time now I stayed way away from it. I have always wanted to wear it though, so when I saw this dress I knew it would be awesome. I tried it on and it fit great and here is the best deal of ALL.....it was $7.00!!! Mind you it was originally 50 so that is a 43 dollar mark down lol! I can barely get a shirt at Wal-mart for that lol! I was so happy and loved it as much as I loved the price so I bought it. And it was deff. the most perfect fit for the occasion! My mom's side of the family is 100% Greek by the way, hence how I have mentioned Papou( gpa in Greek, what we always called my grandfather). His parents were actually immigrants from Greece, which I think is AMAZING! I love being Greek and love the heritage and awesome things it brings. Let's just say my mom's family is just like watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and living it too haha! Her cousins and 3 brothers make almost a Greek mafia lol! Anyways there are a lot of them and they are very full of emotion so seeing them after the weight loss was pretty nuts, some had no idea who I even was. My mom's cousin who is like an uncle to me had not seen me in 6 years and he just kept staring and staring and asking who that was then finally he realized and about lost it lol! He remembered the chubby almost 13 so this almost 19 year old now freaked him out lol! I got so many amazing compliments and hugs and kisses(Greeks are super touchy feely haha) and it was great. As hard as it was to see each other in these circumstances it was neat in the end, and I know Papou was happy to see us all together all 9,000 of us it seemed lol! I am not sure how some of our non-Greek church family and friends thought of it all lol, but they deff. felt the Greek love around haha :o).

My final point I guess is, that dress was like a little present to make this whole situation a little better. It was like that was a special surprise that made it ok, and I know Papou would have been proud, and he always told me how beautiful I was and how "sharp looking" as he would say I was when I would get dressed up, so I was just glad I could make him proud. I still can't say enough how great it was to have him be able to see my weight loss and watch me shrink and encouraging me along the way! It's like when your in charge of your health things in life seem so much easier to handle, because you know you are doing the best you can with what you are given. There are also little rewards along the way that make all the blood, sweat, and tears worth it for sure! Well that is it for today, I am planning on doing an answer post tomorrow for Christmas Eve on some of the questions you guys posted, so I have not forgot lol :). Feel free before tomorrow to send me anymore that you can think of! Enjoy the last minute shopping and get togethers before Christmas and don't eat to many cookies, and remember "Seconds on your lips forever on your hips haha!" :o).

~Kassandra

"Old Me" vs. "New Me" Monday's: Dealing with Stress

First off thank you all SO much for your sweet comments on my last post, that was SO SO SO sweet! They all meant a ton and made what I was going through a little bit better for sure! Friday night my grandfather did go home to be with the Lord at about 7:20pm, with my mom, uncle, my brother and I all around him. I ended up going back up to the hospital with my brother Kameron around 6:00 and we got there and he was barely hanging on. He could still hear they said because that is the last thing to go. So we talked to him and rubbed his hands and he knew we were there. We then all talked for a while and ate some dinner I had brought up for my mom who had been there all day. About and hour after getting there, it was like he knew we had all seen him, we were all around him, and all at peace and it was time to go, and so he did. It was an amazing thing because for once after being so sick these last couple years, he was peaceful and quiet and best of all in heaven with his sweet wife and family. As hard as it is for us, it did give us relief that he is no longer suffering, but instead this year getting to spend Christmas with his wife and family and best of all Jesus :o). The funeral is going to be Wed. and then the viewing is tomorrow. All of our family is coming in town today and tomorrow so it will be a long couple of days, but we are going to try to make it through and at least we are all hear from the holidays now, maybe that was some secret gift my grandfather gave us :o).

So now for the new me vs. the old me thing, I figured focusing on how I now deal with stress is a good one for this week since there has been plenty of it around lol. It was tough because I went from finals which was SUPER stressful, to then trying to get ready for Christmas and then my grandfather passing away, so it was deff. a trying week for me. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention about my weigh-in this week. With all that went on it kind of changed my schedule so I weighed-in on Saturday. I did have a goal this week and it was to stay the same. The reason being is this was that wonderful, glorious week of the month were I have no control of my body, that great gift from nature haha. Last month I gained a little over a pound so this month I was just praying I would stay the same because even though I know the reasons why I gained, mentally it still messes with my mind making me think I did something wrong. Well I got on the scale and my wish was granted lol 148 still, and not an ounce or a pound bigger than last week :o). I knew I had worked hard this week, but with all the stress and lack of sleep I didn't know how it would all work because that has affected me a lot in the past.

The pictures above deff. describe the "old me" vs. the "new me" when stress came around. I was not over weight because I liked to eat or because I just loved food. I mean yes, I liked the tastes of certain things, but I made it into my comfort and my emotional help whenever I needed it. The worse one would deff. have to be fast food though, I think it is every unhealthy person's worst nightmare, because it is quick, easy, usually cheap and good and greasy lol. Everyday after school when I had a stressful day, McDonald's was right there waiting for me, or Taco Bell or whatever. I could always go through and know in about 10 minutes the stressful feelings would be gone with a feeling of fullness. Didn't matter what I was eating but it just mattered i got the "full" feeling, and away from the emotions of stress! I remember sometimes not even feeling what I was eating or tasting it, because I was just doing it for the feelings and to be numb. I never wanted/knew how to deal with those feelings so by just numbing them I didn't have to feel them ya know? I know not everyone is as into the fast food as I was, but yet maybe just eating other things for comfort, I deff. think we all have our comfort foods if we really look lol. It has been strange this time around with my grandfather passing away, than it was when my grandmother did, who I was just as close too, because this time I have had to deal with emotions and the rawness of losing someone. With my grandmother I don't if I ever dealt with it fully, because food was there through it all. I actually was only about 200lbs when my grandmother died in 2003 but then that is when the weight gain burst. In about 7 years I put on 100lbs and a lot was to due with her passing. When she passes away that meant I lost someone who was like a second mom to me, it was the first time I had to deal with death in my life, and not to mention it was WAY unexpected and happened out of no where. She was perfectly healthy and only 73 and was doing everything, but an unexpected aneurysm got her and we had no idea it was coming. I remember during and after the funeral food played a major role in my life and helped me balloon up to my biggest weight ever. I even remember having a conversation with my doctor about 4 years ago asking me what was going on, and then him and my mom looked at my records and saw the correlation between when she died and my weight gain. It was like I was overload and once I started hiding my emotions and feelings I couldn't stop, and it continue for 5 years after she passed.

This time though I am SO happy to say I am dealing with it SO much better. Yes, while it is SUPER hard to handle and process, I am dealing with it the healthy way this time. Don't get me wrong there have been a few times this week where I would like to go back and find my old "comfort friends" in a nice pizza, or a cheeseburger or a piece of cheesecake, but what good is that stuff gonna do me? Is a pizza from my favorite place gonna bring my grandfather back, is it going to make things seem less painful in the long wrong, is it going to make him more proud of me....NO! It will surely make my butt bigger and my heart heavier because I wouldn't have been dealing things the right way. I probably didn't know as much at the time when I started really turning to food after my grandmother died because I was only 12 but now I do, and I know that once you start hiding you feelings it takes SO long to go back and work through those. I know instead of pull through a drive-thru, I got and pull through the gym. I did not go Friday and Saturday due to all that was going on but I knew that I was getting in a bad place mentally and was really feeling the stress, so even though there was church yesterday and I was exhausted from it all, I HAD to make time to go to the gym. It is strange these days but I can always tell when I haven't been to the gym for a few days and it is like my body needs that reprieve and help and it feels SO much better when I go. I did finally get it together to go yesterday around 3 in the afternoon and I ran on the treadmill for 30mins then did 30mins on the stair stepper and just blasted my music and really pushed it. I CANNOT tell you how much better I felt mentally, and emotionally after a good workout. It is nice because you can just shut off the thoughts and just push yourself and really put yourself in a better mental state. I know we have all studied the endorphins things in health but you don't realize just how much they help put you in a better mood until you let them work. I walked out of them knowing not only did I burn the calories I needed to for the day, but that I felt SO much better after that and the world seemed a little brighter.

I am by no means saying working out solves all my problems lol, cause it totally doesn't, but there is something to be said about how it changes your mood and outlook on life. It just makes things so much easier to deal with, because your body needs the attention, so then it can help focus your mind. I think in America we like to give our stomachs a lot of attention and minds, but forget that to make it all work together our body needs it too. Whether you are over weight or not, everyone needs that exercise and daily release to really feel good. It's so funny how great you feel when you start doing all the things those silly health books tell you too lol. It's amazing but they have had the right answers all these years :o), and that is all I am doing just doing what I knew was true all along. Another great thing is that cheeseburger comforted me and then left a nice lump of cellulite in my thigh, working out comforts me and leaves a nice muscle in my arm :o).

Well I am off to start the day and prepare for this week. I hope everyone is doing well and is getting ready for Christmas :o). I thought tomorrow's post could be answering any questions that you might have. I have two already to answer from an email and someone's comment, but if there is anything you are dieing to ask me about my diet, my change mentally, working out or whatever I am TOTALLY open to them! I know I try to cover everything in my story but also know I forget a lot, and it probably looks strange when you see someone lose 161lbs in a year but you don't know all the details lol. So feel free and I will do a post on questions and answering tomorrow, and you can email me them too if you don't want to post them on here :o). Have a great Monday!

~Kassandra

How Do You Say Goodbye???

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

 

First off I am sorry for the delay in updating my blog. My week was going well up until yesterday evening. I did praise the Lord get all my finals done and did well on them all, my last one was yesterday at 12:00pm. After finals I relaxed and went home and then had a fun evening with friends of mine who came in town and are back from college for Christmas Break. Anyways I got home after going out with friends and my mom told my grandfather who has been ill for the last month was not doing well. A little back round on him is, he lives with us first off, he came to live with us a little over six years ago when my grandmother passed away unexpectedly. He had been battling congestive heart failure and diabetes and other things for a couple years so we knew with his wife he would not be able to take care of himself on his own. Long story short he came to move in with us, knowing be around me and my 7 siblings would be the best medicine for him. We thought he would live a year or two with us because his health was so bad, but he ended up getting stronger and stronger and fighting through. He became a part of our immediately family and was like he was always there. We were always super close before he moved in but now he became like a father to us. As I have mentioned my dad has never been a good father to us kids, so God most deff. put my grandfather in to fill the hole. My youngest brother was actually only 6 months when he came to live with us, so Konnor has grown up knowing him as a father to him.

About a month ago his heart began to act up and everything was going south so he was taken to the hospital right after Thanksgiving. It never looked really good the whole time he was in and they tried multiple things. Usually when he would go in they could fix him and make it better, with the amazing medicine and work of the doctor's and of course our almighty God. This time though it seemed different, we all had this feeling it wasn't going to be good. It was as if he hit the final chance and there were no more. This last week he has been slowly going down hill and last night it became really bad seeing as though his kidney's decided to stop working. We got the call around 11:30pm to come immediately to the hospital since he blood pressure was tanking and the kidney's were going. My mom and I rushed down and got there and ended up staying the night with him as they moved him to ICU. They moved him there and gave him Morphine for the intense muscle spasms he was having due to the dehydration from the kidney's. As a family we decided the vent was not necessary because it would be prolonging the inevitable, and we wanted him to be comfortable and that his almost 90 year old body has had enough. It was tough though because mentally he is all with it and does not want to give up at all. He could hear all we said and respond and hold our hands and try to talk. It was so hard and was such a helpless feeling looking at him knowing we could do nothing, and neither could the doctor's.

The reason he wants to fight so hard is because he knows he is the rock to our family. With my dad leaving the family my grandfather stepped in emotionally and of course financially helped and worried a lot about my mom and us kids. She was the 1 girl with three brothers so she was always the special "daddy's girl" and he has done all he can to be there for her all her life, and the same to us grandkids. He would give up his last penny or the shirt off his back for us, and that means so much when your own father is not willing to do that. We never understood why God took my grandmother first because she was the healthy, vibrant strong one while he was the sick older one, but now we see God knew what my dad was going to do, and he know my grandfather needed to be there to step in and take his place. God could not of blessed us with a better more caring man and I am so thankful! I am thankful too for those extra years we never thought we would get with him as well.

Another neat thing was, last Friday the day of my anniversary I got to up by myself, because my mom had a stomach bug, and I got to visit him and talk to him on the day I lost 161lbs officially and he was SO proud of me and over the moon. He told all his doctors and nurses and our family that was there and hugged and kissed me. The neatest thing was the day I started my "weight loss journey" was inevitable the same day him and my grandmother were married, so there anniversary and I had no idea about that the day I picked Dec. 11th, so I believe that was God's doing for sure. They always loved me and worried about my weight and I SO SO SO thankful he got to see me make it close to my goal and to see me change my life around, and now know he doe not have to worry about me anymore and that I am healthy! You don't realize how precious your own health is until you watch someone else's be stripped away from them like his today. It made me so thankful I am doing all I can to cherish this awesome body and chance God has given me on this earth and that I cannot waste another day.

As of now they have him just on a slow dose of Morphine to keep the pain down and wait until his body gives out. I am hoping after dinner to go up again with my brother and be there for my mom and him as long as he makes it that long. It is just so tough having this happen a week before Christmas as well. We are not sure how we are going to make it without him with him being such a vital part of our lives, but I am trusting God though it all and I know he will open countless doors and gives us strength for the coming days. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated that he continues to stay comfortable and goes soon so there is no more suffering. I will always thank him for being the best Papou(grandfather in Greek since my family is Greek) and not only that but the best father figure who loved me no matter what and gave up everything for me! He will be greatly missed for sure, but the time we had was so precious, it's in God's hand now....

My sweet Papou and I the night I went to prom this year for the first time after I lost 70lbs, praise the Lord he got to be there for this!

~Kassandra

Wishful Wed.!

So today is Wishful Wednesday at The Seattle Smith's blog and I am very excited for this one! This week's topic is 'I wish' .... I could relive one particular holiday experience over and over again, and it would be sneaking down with my brother Kameron (who is 17 months younger than me) at like 4am to "pre-look" at all the awesome gifts and maybe peak in at one or two and shake them all :o).

So this picture is deff. perfect because this was totally my brother and I lol! We probably did this each year from the time we were about 3 or I was 3 lol, I was a pretty clever sneaky child, I know imagine that lol! Anyways I would tell him before we went to sleep, "Ok Kameron, I will wake up a couple hours before everyone else does and get you up and we can sneak down and check everything out!". As I got older I even learned to set watch alarms to wake me up but still be quiet to let everyone else sleep haha! Nothing is like that feeling tought when you see the presents under the tree for the first time, when you know when you went to bed you left it empty, it is pure joy and bliss! We of course would then tough most of them, push on them and figure which was a barbie or baby doll haha, rip a few corners and ruin a few gifts too lol. My mom always some how saw those ripped corners too once morning came along haha! I was just talkig to the lady I babysit for about this and it was like that magical feeling all came back when I thought about the experience, it was just SO neat and fun! I kind of hate that, that magic is gone, but...it is great having tons of little siblings still who I get to re-live it all through too, that is one of the best parts! Not that presents are the main part because Baby Jesus is of course, but the magically feelings kids get is super special too!

Well I got another final done today and did well, and I have one more for tomorrow and it doesn't look like Friday's is going to be a have too anymore which is GREAT! I am  off now to babysit and then spin class, and a study session with a friend :o). Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wed.!

~Kassandra

Crunching away the Pounds!

So if anyone who has heard about my weight loss success and wondered if I had a "secret" or a "secret weapon" I may be revealing it today lol! Nope, it is a not a pill, or a awesome protein powder or bar with magical powers lol, but yet...CHEX MIX! I know who would have thought right??? I don't know what and and why and how I chose this little secret but this stuff is my bff lol! I think one day I was doing my search at the store for some new alternatives that are low and calorie and can switch things up a bit, I am sure when I do this and pick up like 12 things in each isle and scan the labels it bigs the crap out of people lol, but hey ya gotta do what ya gotta do! So I looked at this because never really being that into Chex Mix before I thought maybe this might be nice, and also the 60% lower fat than chips on the front attracted me too of course lol, who doesn't love some reduced fat and low calorie. Well when I discovered you can have half a cup for 120 cals. and like 3 grams of fat I was pretty happy, and I LOVE cheese so knowing it was Cheddar flavor too was just the icing on the cake for me haha :o). I decided I would grab a bag and try it, and guess what I LOVED it and ate it with EVERYTHING lol! I am sure 1/2 cup doesn't sound like a ton but it is, and I do something special with this that may sound completely dumb to most but for me it works haha, its all a mind and visual thing. Since I pack my lunch a lot with being in college and being on the go I often stick my Chex Mix in a small snack or sandwich baggy depending on which we have. Well when I put it in the baggy and it eat from the baggy it feels like more and some how tastes better haha. I think there have been studies shown that we like to eat out of the bag rather than a measure portion in a bowl, so maybe that is it lol, who knows!

So I continued to buy this great flavorful stuff and even ventured to try the Sour Cream and Chive kind and LOVED that too, and now my favorite thing is, 1/4 cup of the Cheddar and 1/4 of the Sour Cream in a baggy and that makes for even more flavor haha! I love to eat this with my tuna melt wraps, or with a sandwich or with a little homemade pizza on a pita flat bread thing, or just about anything. For me I have always loved potato chips and having that extra crunch and something to go with a sandwich and lunch so this stuff was perfect for me and it also taught me to measure, measure, measure lol! I know that with this kind of thing it is tempting to eat the whole bag but I learned with measuring it and eating it from the baggy I really enjoyed it more and it was pretty good. I think it is also good to have something like this when trying to change your habits. I mean sure should I probably have a baggy full or carrots and celery and would it be the "healthier" thing of course, but I cannot do without stuff forever, and this new life and journey I am on is a forever thing, so I have to find something that sticks and is permanent ya know? If it takes a 1/2 cup of Chex Mix with my lunch to make me happy and help me loose and fill the snacky craving then so be it :o). I totally encourage people to find their "Chex Mix Fix" in whatever they like instead or if they like the same thing too. It's all about doing things you can stick with, and let's just my Chex Mix is going no where soon haha. My family makes fun of how much I eat and how often lol, and my mom kind of has an issue with crunching noises so it was tough for her to get used to my constant crunching on this stuff haha! I told her "Hey at least I am crunching away the pounds and it is working haha!". I go in search now for the older labeled kind because the new look of the Cheddar for some reason now has 10 more calories lol, Go figure??? So I was at the Dollar General looking for some cheap stuff for a project and guess what they still carry...the old label kind haha, probably cause it is a dollar place haha, but o well, makes me happy :o). This picture above my mom took about 2 months ago and it cracked people up on Facebook and outed me on my Chex Mix addiction haha :o).

Well I hope your guys week is going well, mine is going ok lol, 2 finals down and 3 to go, one of which is tomorrow morning and I kind of haven't started studying a ton lol, I am such a procratsinator sometimes! I am thinking that here in the next couple posts I might do one where if you have any questions for me, I will do a post on it, if that is something that might be interesting :o). Well I am off to stop making excuses and STUDY haha!

~Kassandra

New Me vs. the Old Me Monday's: Clothing/Fashion!

So I hope that picture above doesn't make you all dizzy haha, I just thought with this being about clothes and fashion that picture was too hard to pass up :o). Kelly's Korner's totally inspired my post today on fashion and clothes :o). This is something I get a lot of questions on when people hear my story and something I always wanted to know when i heard of someone losing a ton of weight. I always wanted to know the size they were and the size they ended up. I am sure for guys they could care less, but for us girls we know that size is HUGELY important and there are those "dream sizes" we always want to be :o).

For me and dealing with my weight, my sizes went from kids size 16 at like age 10/11 to all the sudden womens because I was gaining a lot at this point. By the time I was about 13 or 14 I was already in a 12/14 womens, at that point I didn't really get what that was and meant but now I look back and wowed, considering I was still supposed to be in kids sizes and here I was well into Womens. I always felt strange when my friends were buying their teen clothes in the juniors section and I always had to by pass it and head straight for the womens. It deff. became a problem as I got older and older and became more of an embarrassment to me, and got to the point where I just like clothes shopping by myself. I was always that overweight friend who went shopping with my girlfriends but ended up with a nice pair of socks, or some cute earing's, or a pair of shoes lol, never the cute shirts and pants and dresses my friends were buying. My friends would not say much, and I would just ignore it like the white elephant in the room and just be content with it and go on with life. I always wanted to be able to shop at American Eagle and Aeropostle with my friends but even their XL's didn't fit and that was so hard not even to be able to go into these store and find one thing that fit.

Shopping honestly became depressing and my vision almost changed lol. I tell people that when I went into a store my eyes would scan and scan and be like "nope not that section, not those isles deff. won't fit, nope don't even look at that even if it is on sale, no way in the world that will EVER fit". I catch myself even now skipping the whole first section of Target, because at least at ours that is the juniors section and then it goes into women, then down to plus, so for me I wouldn't even let my eyes wonder at the junior section because it would make me sad that nothing fit. I also catch myself from time to time seeing a girl in something or an outfit I think is cute, and automatically thinking "I wold SO wear that if I had the body for it!" lol, and then I think "wait...I do and I can wear it now!". I guess it is just part of being overweight for so long and having you brain just be used to one way of thinking.

I will freely now admit my previous size which was a 28/30 in pants and a 3X in shirts. It was pretty bad when even some stuff at lane Bryant I was too big for, nothing against Lane Bryant but it is pretty bad when your 17 and you can't fit in there clothes, deff. an eye-opening thing. One thing I do hate about lane Bryant and many other plus size companies is how much they rip overweight people off on their clothes! I mean it's like if you are fat they punish you big time by charging you twice as much as what regular clothes cost. I understand it takes more material and stuff but man it is a huge mark-up. That is one of the perks of shopping in normal sections now is being able to buy clearence more and spend less too! I can now say I am a 8/10 in pants and skirts and a Medium in shirts, sometimes even....a SMALL! I sometimes don't believe it until I see the tag, and even then it seems so surreal to me. I hope by saying this stuff it does not sounds braggy, because I am in no means bragging, but just astounded in the change. I will never forget all the times I sat and balled my eyes out in a dressing room, or came to the car money in hand with tears coming to my eyes because nothing I wanted fitted, it is a feeling like no other, especially as a teen. Again this is something that is so close to me but dealing with this weight stuff as a teen brings such a different angle and makes things so difficult at times. Not that this isn't as big of a deal when your an adult, cause it totally is bad then too, but as a teen clothes are SO important to you and your peers and when you are wearing a plus size shirt from Wal-Mart that is a size 3X while your friends are in there Medium Abercrombie shirts, it is SO hard. I especially hated when we had to order t-shirts for things at school, I would sit there and pray they even had my size and if they did I had to get a XXL men's size, talk about embarrassing. Sometimes I would just not order a shirt for something for this reason alone. It is nice now though because I have quite a lot of night shirts lol, because all of my old t-shirts I wore with jeans are now night shirts, which again blows me away when I put them! My Senior 2009 shirts from lat year are like tents lol!

And of course shopping now is SO much more fun! I sometimes think I traded one addiction for another HA! Like I mentioned on Black Friday, it was SO much more fun this year and fashion in general is! I have always tried to dress cute, and I did really try even overweight but it never felt right and I never felt that "pretty" feeling but now it is SO fun to go to the closet in the morning lol! I had to of course buy a whole new winter wardrobe (which still needs a little work lol) which was fun and exciting. Pants are deff. tough because it seemed like I would buy a pair and then in two weeks they didn't fit, which is a great problem to have but not when your spending 40 or 50 dollars every two weeks haha, that stopped real quick! I thankfully found these great stretchy denim skinny jeans that have now lasted me over a month which is a record, and they still look great! I found them at Wet Seal and I am about to get another pair here soon, seeing as though I have one pair and that is my one pair of "fitting" jeans lol! Money is deff. tight around here with my parents situation and with having eight kids, so it is hard for my mom to replenish my shrinking self haha! I deff. told everyone this Christmas I need CLOTHES,CLOTHES and more CLOTHES lol, and even socks and underwear haha, I know real exciting! You do go down in the under garments as well lol, not to be personal here but you women will appreciate that my chest went from a 42 to now a 34/36 SO much better and so incredible! I  know no one see's your underwear and stuff but who doesn't love the cute Victoria's Secret stuff, and I figure I had to wear the granny stuff long enough haha, time to have some fun!

Well I hope you all had a great weekend, I deff. did! I am busy bee this week for sure with 5 finals going on, praise the Lord two got over with today! Of course one of my prof.'s had to schedule one for FRIDAY so I have one almost everyday besides tomorrow, when some people are like done by Wed. but o well, at least 3wks of freedom is coming soon! Have a great night and thanks for all of you who either emailed me or commented on my post Friday that made my day and made things extra special :o)!
~Kassandra

A year ago today

1 year ago Start at 309lbs.....

A scared 17 year old girl decided ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH, she had hit 309lbs, could not walk up a flight of stairs without being so winded she could hardly breathe, could not even shop in plus size stores and was consuimg over 6,000 calories a day, and not to mention was looking death in the face! This girl woke up with a determination like never before, not like all the other times she had started and failed, and the times she felt like "this was it", no this THIS time she knew it was different. She could and still can not really say why this time was different but in her heart she knew it was. She had prayed and thought a lot about it in the week before and felt like God was telling her it was HER time and she better take action now. Not just for others but for once do it for HER and to benefit his name as well. He gave her this feeling that something big was about to happen, and that her story could one day help inspire change into other teens girls who have struggled as well. He gave this girl strength like no other and she was ready to take it and use it to the best of her ability.

This girl had no clue what the year ahead of her would hold, her parent's 19 yr marriage ending in a horrible mess, being abandoned by her own father, watching as a small infant so close to her family die in their home, dealing with the chance her younger brother might have cancer, watching her gradnfather fight for his life, and not to mention go to college as well and leave high school behind. Little did she know that her story was about to be heard by her whole community on the front of the newspaper and that she was going to inspire members of her local Y. Shad no idea she was about to help other local teens here and get them started just like she did, she also had no clue she would create a blog and have 70 followers and tons of emails within 3 months, NO she had NO clue what God had instore for her life!

Even though she didn't know this, she decided to take that leap of faith and change her diet and her life and become the best "HER" she could be, not only for her health for for God as well! Gone were the days of losing the weight for others or because her doctor told her too, she now did it for her and her future and focused on the biggest things in life, like have a LONG. FULFILLED life! She decided that no food can taste like what it is like to live long, get married, have children, be a healthy mom, have a good career, be there her family for years to come. She decided from there on out it was ALL or NOTHING and it was time to be 100% and not look back once and do this for the last first and last time....CHANGE HER LIFE!

I am happy to say that "that girl" that was being reffered to is ME, and "her life" is now MY life and I have done what I never thought I could do! If you would have asked me a year ago if I would be where I am today, I probably would have laughed and said NO WAY, and I don't think I could have even imagined the greatness that has come out of this last year. I started out with this little glimmer of "hope" that maybe this time was going to be different and that I was going to make this happen, and now that glimmer has grown so big! I am going to post a picture on the additional pictures that is a picture I took today for my yearly weigh-in and I wore a special shirt for it. My shirt which you should be able to see clearly says "Hope" on it, I decided that it would be good because here I started out with this small little "glimmer of hope" that I was not sure on but now that hope has turned into great things, and I hope that one day I can share the "Hope" with other kids and teens and even adults that this journey can be done, with NO surgery and with just eating right and working out.. I can't say enough how grateful I am that this has happened this year and at the perfect time and how quickly it happened!

I want to thank my mom of course for being my BIGGEST fan and support through this whole thing, and of course my whole family and friends! And not to forget my awesome blog followers and bloggy friends through these last 3 months! It has been SO neat to be able to blog about my journey and what I am going through, and also hear all of your guy's amazing stories and SUPER sweet comments, they encourage me day by day! I know it might sound strange but one of the BIGGEST reasons I did this, and why I believe God gave me the strength and allowed me to go through this in my life is so that my story and out reach to others. No bragging here, but my friend who is a life coach said that statistics show that I have done something that less than 5% of the American population can do and that 95% would like to do, those stats are pretty mind blowing! Not because it makes me go "Oh look at me, but because I have done something incredible that I want to share SO badly with others so that others can join that 5% with me :o)"! I hope that little girls and teens can see me as an example and know that they too are worth it and they can find the strength inside of them to fight this battle of obesity at a young age. I also hope adults can see the same things and can be inspired as well. I am not sure how I can get my story ALL the way out but I know if it is God's will maybe he will get me on a Oprah show here soon or The Today Show haha, for now though I am right where I am supposed to be!
 
I had a great day and finished my last day of classes, then did some fun shopping with my mom and got my nails done and had a healthy dinner and salad at Panera! It was such a special day to reflect and just be grateful that in a year I could be this different and be 148lbs when this time last year I sat at 309lbs! I can officially say I GOT my life back, and I am the person I always thought I would be and always wanted to be and that is a blessing I will never take for graunted. And I thank God for my success and now it is time to spread my expiereince and journey and help as many as I can!
 
I hope you all have a great wkend and had a good Friday!
~Kassandra :o)

End at 148lbs..

New Awesome Opportunities!

Well first off I am sorry I am behind on posting, Finals and school work have taken over my life lol! I just keep telling myself I have to make it through ONE more week then freedom for 3wks lol ;o). If it is not a speech, then it's a paper, if it's not that then its a huge essay test or a written test AHHH lol, craziness this semsester! Part of college I guess though, right :o)?? I just thought I would post about some awesome things going on in my life that just happened recently, and it's just gonna be short for me lol, figured I would save the BIG update for tomorrow seeing as though it's my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of being healthy! I do expect my trip to Aruba and followers and gifts haha! JKJK! :o). I would love to be in Aruba about now though conisdering all that winter crap hit IN this week and it has been HORRIBLE on campus! The snow and wind were so bad yesterday I couldn't even seen to get from class to class lol, and literally felt like I was going to take flight, it was the only time I missed the 159lbs to keep me on the ground this year lol. A friend was joking with me saying it is way more likely I will blow away this year being over half my size, he called me a "light puff of air" HAHA he is nuts! I do think I might go and tan though and pretend I am in Aruba lol and not in 10 degree freezing cold :o).

So on to these awesome opportunities :o). First one if one that I have been wanting since I was 3 lol! No not a pony haha, a job that I have always "dreamed" about. When I was 3 and 4yrs old I went to this awesome preschool here that I LOVED! It was at this big beautiful Presbyterian church not far from where I go to college now haha. Anyways I loved this place, I still say when people asked me what were my best years of school, I say First Pres. Pre-K lol! It was so fun, I made my first best friend who was my neighbor too, Katie there, and had two of the world's kindest sweetest teachers! It is one of those preschool's you see on TV where it is just fun, fun, fun and all about the kids and they teach you good morals as well with it being located at a church. It is funny now because half of the kids I went to preschool with I didn't know then but we ended up going to the same high school and knowing eachother now but not then lol. Anyways long story short I have always said "When I get older, I wanna be a helper there!" lol. They always have one college girl per class who is the helper of each class and they are usually students from my college. Well I decided once I picked BSU that I would look into being a helper down the road once I got settled into being a new student. I actually know the lady who is in charge of the school well, because I know her kids and we are about the same ages. Anyways I contacted her and she said she "might" have some spots this second semester but typically it went to the older girls who already worked there, so not to get to attached. I figured it was worth looking into and if it worked great if not ok. Well I got a call last Friday night that I am getting to be the new 3yr old helper this semester on Tuesday and Thursdays! I was SO excited because not only do I need the job but it worked with my new semester schedule at school and it was with the 3 yr olds, I LOVE that age! They are just like little spounges and so sweet! I am so thrilled and feel blessed to have this opportunity, and as long as my future schedules work with it I will be able to work their the rest of the time I am in college! It will also look great with being a Social Work major and wanting to work with kids, to have this backround experience :o). I officially start after the Christmas break is over which is Jan. 12th I believe so I am stoked! I will deff. update on how that goes and once I get used to all my new little students :o).

My second awesome opportunity is something I never in a million years dreamed would EVER be an option for me. Can you say "Spin.....Instructor....Me...Kassey...!" LOL! I had told my instructor Liz, a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to "look into" becoming one down the road, key word....down...the....road haha! Well she told me a little info and I kind of let it go figuring maybe this summer I could look into it more once life settled down. Well on Tuesday's class she said she wanted to talk to me before I left. I thought ok...lol did I break a spin rule or what?? Well she said these next couple of months, and really until she stops teaching she would like to have a good back up person to sub for her classes, and have it be someone who knows how she teahes her classes and teach them like her. See her classes are SO specific and SO good, people here LOVE them! She is the only one I know I can take and burn 600 calories in an hour, they are great! And see the Y just gets some random person to fill in, like tonight for instance we got some lady who had us spinning to like sleepy John Mayor music haha. As much as I love John Mayor, I DO NOT get motivated to spin my butt off haha! For those of you who take spin you know you need your fast upbeat stuff to make you not wanna quit and die lol! Anyways she said she would talk to the lady in charge of the activites and classes at the Y and make sure it was ok with her, and well she did that and Amber said it was all good :o). I am now going to have to get CPR certififed and also take a course on spin I think just a short thing, and then train with Liz on a couple of Saturday's and I am good to go! The thought of it all is SO awesome and little scary haha! Liz's classes get really packed and have like 30 people in it, so knowing I would be in charge of that is a little daunting but it would be SO neat! I cannot believe that this time last year I didn't even know what a spin class was...and now I am thinking of teaching one, that alone is purely amazing to me! If this isn't proof anyone can change I don't know what is lol! Going from a 309lbs teen who could barely make it up stairs to a 150lb girl teaching spin, that's a pretty HUGE jump! Again on this topic I will deff. update my status and blog about how it goes, because this will be something pretty incredible once I really do it! I am just SO thankful to God for all these awesome opportunites and I am so thankful I am where I am in life and enjoying it SO much more than last year!

Well I am off to FINALLY work on my last speech of the semester! I am deff. looking forward to tomorrow and sharing what all has happened to me in a year! Thank you all for your encouragement and support on here! Hope you all are having an awesome week, and if you experiencing the cold like I am here, STAY WARM lol! :o).
~Kassandra

It's All about the Timing (Mine and His)

Today I was thinking like always, what should I post on??? I am sure I seem like a weirdo to some when I blurt out good posting topics or think really hard on it lol, but it is a little bit of a job, but a fun one! It is strange though because this whole time I have had a blog I feel like the perfect posts come to me and they just always fit, but today it was a little tougher to figure out what to post on. I sometimes pray about it and that helps and today this finally came as I was making dinner for my brother's and sister's with like one MILLION things to do lol. Today was a hard day because my grandfather who has lived with us for 6 years, got very ill in the nursing home he was at doing a rehab program and he was rushed to the hospital is respiratory code and not breathing. My mom and I were eating breakfast before I had class and that was when we got the call. My mom had to dash out and leave what she was doing to get to the hospital which is a town away, because that is where his doctor is that he has seen for years and years before he moved here with us. Long story short he is in critical condition and not doing well and my mom had to spend the whole day there. With my mom being gone and my dad not being present that means I have to step as the parent. I do not mind it but it does take a lot of planning and action being the oldest of 8 kids lol, not a simple task for sure!

I went to my classes like I was supposed because the kids were all at school as well. I got home around 2 and then had to pick one of my sisters up seeing as though the bus does not bring home the elementary kids anymore this year and the other 3(my younger brothers) had an after school program. I had to cancel my babysitting job to be home and make dinner, watch the kids and keep the house up while my mom was gone and also find some time to go to the gym lol, talk about NUTS! All this being said as I was doing these tasks and running around like crazy and trusting in God to keep my g-pa healthy and get him stronger, I started thinking what would it be like if I  hadn't gone with this timing of losing the weight when I did, what if I had put it off like I had SO many times, what would this year be like. This year for our family by the way has been crazy, it stems from my parents divorce after being married 19 years, to then having some financial issues due to my dad leaving the home, a death of a sweet baby of a family who is like family to us, that happened in our home, to then thinking my brother had cancer and now my grandfather getting close to death. It reads worse than a fiction novel when you look back on it lol. Not to mention my life changed a TON as I went from being a teen/high schooler to adult/full time college student!

When I think back to a year ago today, I had yet to start ANYTHING! At this point I knew in my head I was going to make the change, because in my heart I knew it was TIME. It was my decision but God's timing that lead me to this choice. Something inside of me told me it was my time to do this and do it right and that I needed to be the healthiest I could, and boy was that right! I would have NEVER made it through the stress of my parent's divorce without having my working out to turn to and to relive my stress. I could have NEVER NEVER made it through college if I hadn't changed when I did either. I think about all the walking I do, especially with living at home this year and commuting to college, I never would have made it at all with how big I was last year. Not to mention I don't think I would have even fit in the small desks or been able to walk the isles in the lecture halls. I would have never had the confidence to do as well as I am doing either, or meet any new people, because the old me just sat and stayed to herself. I know Baby John's death I could have never handled again, with not having the gym as my stress outlet or being mentally and physically strong enough to help support my mom through it and the parents of Baby John. And I know for a fact I could not have done just what I did today at 309lbs.

When I was SO morbidly obese at 309lbs I just existed, from one meal to one meal, to one couch to another chair, I was NEVER this active and willing to help. Now I see all I can do to step up and help with my mom when she needs and it blows my mind. A good example is my new love for cooking, I used to love to eat such junkie fast food I never took the time to know how to cook, because when I wanted my food I just wanted good greasy quick stuff not something that takes time to make. But now this year I can make whatever and like tonight make a homemade Mexican meals of tacos and nachos and salad and brownies for my brother's and sister's, where as last year I would have been lucky to make them a PB&J lol! Not to mention I was organized enough to cook dinner for them and myself and still have the energy to get to Spin Class by 4:50 and spin until 6, which felt great! Sometimes I get so used to the new life I lead I forget just how far I have come, and how thankful I need to be that I made the change when I did. I know God gave me the strength and feeling to change when He did because he knew what kind of year was ahead and all the changes that were coming in my life, and that I COULD NOT do it unless I changed me! When others and even me think December 11, 2008, WHY would you choose that date?? A lot of people ask me if their is significance like my bday or a special day for me lol, I think because a lot of people want their journey on some certain day, but really the day meant nothing it was just THE DAY and I don't know why. I have often asked myself if there was a hidden reason for the day and the only thing I can come up with is it was my grandparents wedding anniversary lol, but as neat as that it that is not why I chose it. Another thing people wonder is why then right before the holidays?? I will say to that was SOOOO hard last year because here I had just gotten into it and then boom the HOLIDAYS and food and cookies galore lol! BUT.....The thing I realized today December 11, 2008 was the PERFECT day, it was the day I changed and it made my life and year so much better, and while it didn't make sense then or really for a long time of why that day was the day and that time was MY time, but now God has shown me with all that has happened, that Dec. 11, 2008 was MY DAY! The timing and everything was SO perfect because the old me could not have made it through this last year and I am SO grateful for the change and when it happened, like I said MY timing and HIS all in one!

I hope this post was too long haha, I just had a lot to say to get my point across but it was totally what was on my mind and heart tonight. I hope for you if you feel like it's YOUR time, but you wonder why and you think "Well there is the Holiday, or it would be great to start on New Year's because that is a "special" day." Or whatever your excuse or reason is, just know if it feels like you time, it could very well be, for no reason at all ;o), but the best thing to do is go with it and eventually it will all make sense why it is YOUR time ;o)! Hope everyone had a great Tuesday and is going to watch the Biggest Loser finale like me after my shower haha! Until tomorrow!
~Kassandra :o)
PS. I am SO excited to be up to 70 followers that is SO awesome and I thank each and everyone of you who takes time to read my blog and especially leave sweet comments I <3 them!